Can A Love Addict Really Love Someone?

These past few weeks have been hell for me. I have recently come out to my boyfriend of 11 months that I have been lying compulsively our entire relationship. And its something that I have been doing my entire life. I do it because I want to feel loved, I want to be accepted, or its another way to manipulate my lovers. My current boyfriend I have now is wonderful. Is a hardworker, he inspires me, he loves me in a way I have never seen anyone love some one at the age of 21. Even after coming out about being a liar he still wants to support me through all this. Yes, or course he has been upset and even gotten fed up but he keeps telling me to hang in there and that everything will be okay.

Now, after my recent confession, I am now feeling extremely confused about my feelings towards him. I know that I have always had problems with jealousy, needing constant reassurance, am very co dependent in a lot of ways...but a lot of those symptoms have gotten much better with his help. He has helped me to a certain extent control my impulses. I am realizing now that my confusion about my feelings is coming from the fact that I know deep down that I completely manipulated and pretty much forced love onto out relationship. I hate myself for this. I feel so completely awful. Right now we are on a break, its only been about two days now but I feel since reading about love addictions and knowing I have many of the symptoms makes me sick. everytime I see him I feel sick and anxious. I feel so guilty. And still he remains to love me and wants to get help for myself and is hoping that we can be together in a healthy relationship. I know deep down thats what I want to. I dont even want to see him unless I know I am better and wont manipulate him anymore. I dont want to hurt him. But after recently learning all of these things about myself i cant help but wonder do I even really love him or was this all completely made up in my head? I havent told him about learning that I am a love addict but I am almost positive based on my past relationships ive had that I am. I am scared he will think I never loved him and leave me.

I think I should also note that I was a lot worse with all of my symptoms with my ex boyfriend of two and half years. I never felt guilt really, never tried to change. I went from the relationship with him immediately into the one I am currently in.

Can someone tell me if its possible for my feelings of love to be real? Does it get better? Do I have a chance of moving forward with my boyfriend? He has done nothing but love me completely and know he will do nothing but that if i can change...
ashlee411 ashlee411
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 1, 2012

Yes, of course, I have met so many love addicts in recovery that are in real loving relationships. Your boyfriend seems, from your desc<x>ription, like the kind of guy that would not give up on you if you let him know that you're a love addict.<br />
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If you are in this together 100% and you truly want to get out of your love addiction and you get proper help, which is also possible to get as a couple, then there is no reason why you wouldn't be able to have a healthy relationship. I personally know lots of sex and love addicts that live in healthy relationships and are not acting out their addiction any more. <br />
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Love is maybe the cure for love addiction, as contradictory it might sound... <br />
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Honesty is a very important factor. The partner of the person with the addiction must know the full extent of the addiction and you have already taken the most important step, to come out.<br />
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If you were much worse before, you are already in recovery. But it's very important to get help, from SLAA or whatever suits you the best. And watch out with guilt, as it's one of the things that drives the addiction.

Agree 100%. Get some help, work with a therapist. Love addiction manifests, because, REALLY, we fear INTIMACY. Therapy and a 12 step group for this, really helped me stop "acting out" in my addiction, a codependent, I would accept SEX when I wanted love. Love is a basic human need, but as a person needing the oxytocin fix of ******, I would want to bond and BE obsessively linked with men I slept with instead of men who were trusting and trustWORTHY. Often, my sickness attracted addicts or alcoholics...or serial cheaters. A lot of the psychological world doesn't even acknowledge this (or sex addiction) as a real thing, but it is. I believe that, for me, as a multi orgasmic woman, I carried around higher levels of dopamine from sex, so...stands to reason I would CRAVE that "love." I lucked out and found a healthy man, and he's been very patient with me. He truly loves me, and as I work through my past issues with rejection and abandonment with my therapist, our relationship gets better.