I Am a Love Addict
I am a love addict.I did'nt know this is what I am until recently.I have been working on the co-dependency side of me for A LONG time.I recently discovered I am a "LOVE ADDICT".It hurts.I believe because I come from a broken home & had little to no supervision from a young age(11yrs.) it allowed for the situations that led to my multiple rapes.I dated guys MUCH older than me & think if my mom would have had any self-esteem or sanity back then,she would never have allowed it.She did'nt,so it happened.Looking back now, I have spent my life either in an unhealthy relationship or a fixated attatchment to someone who had no interest in me(unless for sex)I am finding it VERY hard to deal with the FACT that I cannot trust myself or my feelings when it comes to a relationship.I used to go from one to another or cheat.Now that I'm older I don't cheat EVER but either abstain totally or FALL very quickly & stay way to long or have a painful time letting go,even if it was a few weeks or months.I think underneath the desperate want to be "LOVED" I am terrified of true intimacy.All I DO KNOW is it is hard,it hurts,it's confusing,humiliating & a very lonely place to be.What I fear most is that I am to damaged to ever be at a place where I can have a truly loving,healthy relationship.Since I'm here & telling my story I assume I must still have hope!!!
