Macrophilia - My Truly Bizarre Story

Umm...shall I go first?

Hi. I'm a macrophile, microphile as well, I suppose. I'd like to say that it's just a sexual fantasy on the side, but I couldn't get rid of this if I wanted to. Believe me, sometimes I really do want to.

I have no idea if this forum or group is even active still, or if it ever was. Considering how few and far between people like us are, I wouldn't be at all surprised. Even if this ends up unread, I'm doing it for my own personal relief. Sometimes it helps to unload all the things you wish your friends and family knew about you, the things you wish were better accepted if unveiled. Here goes...

So, my story.
I've always been a little more than interested in things that involved size differences as a child, though the curiosity was innocent and childish. I closed my eyes while lying in the grass and pretended I was a fairy resting in a gargantuan flower, that I was a lost explorer who had stumbled upon a friendly giant, or that I had discovered a village of miniature people. I was attracted to films like Alice in Wonderland and Thumbelina. To this day I wonder if my parents ever knew about this, because I was never allowed to watch many films that included those sort of themes. As a child, I was more interested in being small, being taken for a ride. I yearned to exist in a world that didn't exist, where all sorts of creatures would befriend me, and extremely tall people would take me home with them. I had no idea that anything was wrong with the way I thought about things, until later. I have vague memories, as time went on, of embarassment and shame at a very young age without knowing what there was to be ashamed of.

In my late childhood and adolescence, the curiosity grew (no pun intended). Instead of leaving my childish fantasies behind, I hung on to them for dear life, which I now realize had become my escape from a bitter and angry divorce between my parents. Divorce happens all the time these days, to almost everyone it seems, and I claim no unique experience from this. I remember having disturbing dreams replaying screaming matches and disputes, but in the dream, my entire family had shrunk, and I had trapped them in individual jars so I couldn't hear them screaming. I woke up in tears, quite confused.

At about the age of 15, I stumbled upon an anime cartoon on GaiaOnline. I can't say it was an accident, because by this time, I was tentatively searching things tagged with "giantess" or "sizechange". Someone had advertised a roleplaying thread, and suddenly, bam. There it was, the embodiment of my sexual fetish daring me to ignore all the strange feelings of guilt and pleasure simultaneously coursing through my veins.

I was well aware of normal sexual actions, and the general idea of how things went along, the basics of the bases, what oral was. It wasn't a mystery to me, but the idea never had an appeal. I probably wasn't mature enough to feel aroused until then, and on top of that, I was raised by an extremely traditional, Catholic, hispanic mother. Sex didn't exist to me in the house I grew up in, especially with a father who was probably too timid to say anything any more informative than what my mother had already taught me. I'll fill you in: When a man loves a woman, he puts his penis in her vagina, and she becomes pregnant. The end. It's a pretty solid foundation, but I never really understood the complications of how to go about having real sexual relations until later on, when I learned through other means. I was raised to believe that oral, anal, **********, and anything that wasn't heterosexual sex inside a marriage was disgusting, shameful, and unspeakable. The reason I truly DID believe that all of those things were so terrible is because I was told at an age far too young to understand, before I even turned 10. I was a confused and misinformed child.

Back to the anime cartoon on Gaia. There I was, staring and blushing at this drawing of a woman in a short dress with a 3 inch tall man tumbling into her lap. It didn't make sense, but the first things that sexually aroused me were far from normal. I never learned to appreciate a man the way a woman normally does. Instead, I was terrified of ever having that sort of relationship with any man, and in my shame and guilt, I tried to minimize the obscenity of sex, by making it smaller. A few inches tall, to be more specific. In the back of my mind, if my sexual partner were so small that I couldn't notice the ugly genetalia or the secretions or the chance of pregnancy, then it was okay. Suddenly I had denied the reality of a man and turned him into a pet, a plaything. It was easier for me that way. I still felt guilty, and for those of you that think women don't ********** or crave sex, yes we do, in whatever weird or normal way. I started looking for roleplaying partners, fantasizing backwards and forwards, and venturing into websites the average 15-16 year old girl wouldn't touch with a 50 foot pole.

Many times, I have asked myself why this happened to me. What was wrong with me? I was quiet, but I was never antisocial. I think I am and was fairly good looking for the average person, had plenty of friends, and maintained good grades throughout most of my schooling. This wasn't supposed to happen to me, right? I had always thought strange fetishes and sexual websites were for weird, withdrawn people who rarely ventured outside, and now suddenly I had become one of them! I realize now how naive and up myself I sounded, but I was confused and angry, as well as embarassed and anxious.

I participated more and more in the online world, and many times wouldn't go out with friends because of my burning curiosity about this fetish. What more was out there for me? What other fetishes were connected to mine? I have never taken interest in any other fetishes besides Macrophilia/Microphilia, or as I like to call it, "the gateway fetish". I never dreamt of killing people or tormenting them, eating them, crushing them, etc. All of these things are quite popular with many of the men in the community (some boys, I am sure), and I could never understand it. Many obsessed over the thought of gigantic feet, rear ends, lips, being eaten alive...the list goes on. My fantasies remained closer to what I would probably hope for in a normal relationship ---gentle, playful, seductive, and sometimes a bit devious, albeit without any serious physical injuries. I can attribute that to the fact that I am a woman (no, really) and it's hard for me to separate lust from love. In some cases a night of fun might be had (haven't really tried it yet!), but generally, the two become so entwined and tangled up in eachother that I can never tell one from the other. So, my fetish in many ways reflects my real life desires in a man.

Later on, I became more comfortable with the idea of a man naked, sex, etc. I thought that then, maybe, I would succumb to a more normal form of lust. I was headed in the right direction, but then I went too far. Instead of imagining myself as a towering (but benevolent) giantess, I became a Lilliputan of sorts. In other words, I began to fantasize about being abnormally small instead of large, seeing as I no longer had a problem with the sight of...well, you know. Around this time I started to find some of the major adult forums, some of which I participated in. I made a few friends there, but in the end didn't do as well as I thought. I was young, and there were still many things I didn't understand. All I can say about forums in general is this: people need to realize the implications and effects of what they do and say online before they put themselves or others in a dangerous position and before they offend and demean people they barely know. I certainly learned this the hard way, and I feel many still need to learn this lesson.

I still enjoy both sides of the Macro/Micro fetish, but it has also fueled my eternal fear of my friends and family discovering my absolutely weird kink. I'm constantly wondering if that one time my best friend saw my laptop screen gave anything away, or if that one particularly untrustworthy boyfriend I had ever caught on to what I was trying to tell him and spread the word. Paranoia is probably the right word. I browse around online still, and occasionally chat to people from a couple of years ago.

To top off this incredibly bizarre cake with the most absurd, radioactive cherry, I met my boyfriend, who has the same interests, on a fetish **** site. Through getting to know him online, I began to crave a normal relationship, because I was so taken by him. I began to ask myself the "why" question again, and this time I researched. He (and a psychiatrist that wrote an article which I read) helped me realize that my borderline abusive childhood led me to create a place for myself in my head, where I was safe and secure, and there were no punishments. I remembered things I had blocked out, as if they had never existed until I unlocked them again. I decided that home wasn't where I wanted to be anymore, and I moved out of the country, in with my boyfriend. My life here isn't perfect, but it's wonderful, and I consider my fetish a work in progress. I found this website because I was looking for more than a **** site. I think a lot of us need to ask more questions, seek more answers, possibly support each other instead of flame each other. Should we abandon the fetish entirely? Hell no! But I think that delving into -why- we are the way we are sheds a little light on what we need to change about ourselves and the people we surround ourselves with. In my case, I'd like to be able to be turned on by a normal sized ****. Please let me know if any of you have connections with a hypnotist...

(This is the most personal thing I've ever posted online. I know it's anonymous, but please be respectful when replying.)
thewhitequeen thewhitequeen
18-21, F
14 Responses Jul 15, 2010

I'm glad to have read this... I'm a girl going through the same experience now and I'm really uncomfortable and paranoid someone will find out besides my bff...

I, too, am a female with macrophilia. It's great to know I'm not alone.

im 15 years old and i have macrophilia, i don't know if someday i will be brave enought to tell this to my family (sry for my english, im from chile)

The childhood, being in an imaginary world where youre small, and its not sexual or anything, and becoming ashamed of it without knowing why, then one day realizing what it does to you.... That is precisely what happened to me i was always more into being toyed with however, never killed or injured but being able to enjoy the inside of a girls mouth or being sat on without pain or death. I have a girlfriend of a year and a half and we do all the normal sexual things but i could neverrr tell her about my secret fetish. This is actually the first place ive ever been open about it. Probably because im under a fake name/email address, but thats besides the point. I honestly dont know why im like this but i remember being in grade 3, imagining climbing my attractive teacher like a mountain, just cause i wished i could and didnt even know why. It has been soo nice opening up.

I am another macrophile :(, it's a very lonely life for us because there is not that many. I might never be happy but at least I know I'm not completely alone even though none of you know me at all.

I also have macrophilia and I've never opened up my fetish to anyone except for my ex girlfriend. My wish is to climb on a girl's leg and just stay clinging on her right or left leg. I also would like to be crushed by her feet. I remember I used to call my ex, Goddess since that is what I would imagine her as. I would also suck her toes and everything, it was amazing. But yes, now I am single now, but I still look for videos and stuff. Great way to letting all of that out. Maybe I'll do the same in the near future.

I too have have same story. But I am macrophilia along with masochist. We could be friend. masochist80@gmail.com

It's almost frightening how similar we think.
Seems we've been through exactly the same, only with a different fetish.

Very nice story girl. I have had this fetish since my Freshman year of high school. I am more of a microphilia than macrophilia. My fetish is being a sexy little man about 6 inches tall and belonging to a hot young girl that uses me anyway she wants. Feel to e mail me at littlefellow95@yahoo.com. Would love to explore with you.

Thanks for opening up like you did. I too have this fetish. Mine is to be swallowed and digested alive and become part of the woman's leg, arms, feet and hair and remain aware of what I have become. Of course that would happen after the woman gave me a few last requests.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
Mark B.

Are you guys still out there? I'd love to talk with people who have this common fetish...

Thank you for sharing your story, it is truly fascinating. I work for a major cable network that produces an educational medical series that aims at shedding light on all sorts of sexual mysteries, conditions, and practices. It explores a range of topics from rare medical conditions to unique fetishes. We are casting for an episode on people who have a macrophilia fetish. If you're are interested in speaking with me further please contact me at strangesexcasting@gmail.com. <br />
Thanks again for sharing.

I have been struggling with this for years. You aren't alone. I have fantasies of being the tiny woman. I wish that would go away as well. There is more to it than just my macro/micro issues but I will leave it there. Nice post.

Hello Tiny1dee,
I to have had this fetish for years. I always wanted to be a sexy little guy only 5 or 6 inchs tall and belong to a Hot young female that keeps me with her everyday using me for whatever she wants. Need someone to talk to about this fantasy e mail me at: jeden48791@aol.com

Thank you for posting this. The fetish developed early in my youth for me as well. It happens in episodes for me, i'll lose interest then be back on the band wagon. I always wondered if it was hereditary, but probably not. As for me as well, I haven't let it affect my social life but i do have the same sense of paranoia as you do. Thank you again.