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What Is A Male Lesbian?

Have you ever heard of a Male-Lesbian ?!?!
It has nothing to do with either homo or transsexual.
It is about hetero-males.
Many would see the concept of male lesbian as a ridiculous idea, but the word SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) would not suit us type either, love-shy maybe.
According to research done by
Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin
University Press of America, Inc.
Stated the following:
On the surface the whole idea appears ludicrous; everyone knows that lesbians are female homosexuals who want to "make it" vis-a-vis another woman.
Specifically, a "male lesbian" is a heterosexual man who wishes that he had been born a woman, but who (even if he had been a woman) could only make love to another woman and never to a man. Unlike the transsexual, the "male lesbian" does not feel himself to be "a woman trapped inside the body of a man".
Moreover, male lesbians don’t have any wishes or fantasies of any kind pertinent to the idea of obtaining a sex change operation. All want to keep their male genitalia; all want to remain as males. However, male lesbians deeply envied the prerogatives of the female gender and truly believed that these prerogatives fitted their own inborn temperaments far more harmoniously than the pattern of behavioural expectations to which males are required to adhere.
Male lesbians differ from both transsexuals and homosexuals in that they cannot conceive of themselves making love to a man. For example, after sex change surgery the male transsexual almost always wants to begin making love to a man AS A WOMAN. The male homosexual wants to make love AS A MAN to a man. The male lesbian, on the other hand, wishes that he had been born a woman. But he always makes it clear that if he indeed had been born a woman he would be a full-fledged lesbian. In other words, he would want to socialize exclusively with women and he would choose female partners exclusively for love-making and for sex-making activity. In short, a secret fantasy of many male lesbian is to be a beautiful woman who lives with and makes love with another beautiful woman.
The male lesbian reluctantly accepts the fact that he is male. Male Lesbians don’t have any transvestite tendencies or any urge to dress up as a woman or to put on lipstick or nail polish, etc.
Since a male lesbian cannot be a woman, most male lesbians visualize themselves as a man romancing as a beautiful woman. And most of them had begun doing this from a much earlier age in life than had the large majority of heterosexual men.
Many of the male lesbians studied never liked their own gender very much.
As young children most of them had avoided playmates of their own sex. And most of them had envied the girls' play groups and play activities. They had come to view conventional societal expectations as cruel and callously insensitive because they perceived the girls' peer groups and play activities as being their "natural terrain". Hence, they had often thought to themselves that if they could only find a way of gaining acceptance into the all-female peer group they would find happiness, inner peace and contentment.
From a very early age in life onward, the male lesbians feel somehow "different" from their male peers. Something inside of them told them that they did not belong around male peers. Male peer group activities appeared foreign and often totally unappealing to them. And they tended to view males and their peer group activities with feelings of total and complete alienation and detachment. As one male lesbian expressed it, "Whenever I watched the boys in my school playing I might just as well have been watching a bunch of bear cubs play. I knew they were having a good time; but I just didn't feel that I belonged to their species. I knew that I belonged somewhere else, but I did not know how to find that someplace else." The "someplace else" referred to was, of course, an all-girl peer group.
And so the male lesbian (1) does not want to play with males, (2) does not want to make love to or experience sex with males, (3) does not have male recreational interests, and (4) does not even want to procreate male children. The vast majority of the male lesbians confessed that if they ever did become fathers they would want to have girl children only--NO BOYS. In stark contrast, only one percent of the self-confident, males felt that way. In fact, the non-shy men preferred the idea of fathering male children to the idea of fathering female children by a ratio of almost three to two.

According to Gilmartin, many male-lesbians (who overlap with love-shy men) show the following patterns:

-often feel women are more privileged than men
-are in below-average physical shape as a group
-tend to be less interested in sports
-tend to be more interested in movies and music, and prefer watching different types of movies from non-love-shy men
-place great, often disproportionate importance on physical beauty (especially facial beauty)
-are not as likely to be interested in male friendships
-are less patriotic
-are less religious
-16% of his sample were unemployed.
-has experienced homelessness or poverty for the large part of their lives
-develop interest in females at an earlier age than usual, particularly in the third to fifth grade range
-often only want to have female children
-often have a hard time expressing their emotions
-are sometimes passive aggressive
-are melancholic
-often have had a physically difficult birth
-have low energy levels; show little interest in physical and sporting activities, as well as difficulty getting out of bed in the morning
-were usually quiet as infants, while non-love-shy men are rarely so
-often have tense, nervous, angry and/or two-faced mothers who
-disallowed dates with girls
-often have no sisters, and rarely have more than one
-often are very serious
-often had no adults to turn to for emotional support as children, and continue to be that way as adults
-often felt they had little influence on family decisions as children
are easily upset
-have demanding parents who invade their privacy; thus have privacy problems to suffer
-often go through an excessive amount of psychological trauma, of which love-shyness can be the aftermath; many of the above items can be precursors of it
-parents were overprotective
-grew up in isolation
-like girls, but are afraid to talk to them because they're afraid of rejection

However, some have noted that those who are not love-shy may also exhibit a number of these patterns.

Findings which have not been found by Gilmartin are:

-they have fathers who have disrespectful curiosity about women that their sons interact with and vice versa
-hold their parents responsible because of some of the aforementioned limitations; and in turn ban their parents from meeting any future lover
-disown their parents after moving out from their home
Rattydog Rattydog 41-45, M 14 Responses Feb 26, 2011

Your Response


loved this

what the actual ****? male lesbian? Make up your minds guys lol

Try searching for 'Male Lesbians and the Postmodernist Body' by Jacquelyn N. Zita. I haven't been able to find other sources, and I completely disagree with her conclusion, but she's the best that I have found so far (which is pretty sad).

I have a number of problems with several assertions made within this article. I've finally come around after many years of trying to figure myself out, that I most identify as a male lesbian. However, reading this article and a number of claims proposed about male lesbians most definitely do not fit with my own personal experience.

1. "Male Lesbians don’t have any transvestite tendencies", not true, I identify as male, but have been a cross dresser since age 7; primarily trying to go more androgynous than fully female expression, because neither expression is completely true. I try to approximate a 50/50 look that means I may be "read" either way.

2. "tended to view males and their peer group activities with feelings of total and complete alienation and detachment", as well as "does not have male recreational interests"; the problem is with use of the words "total" and "complete" within the quote first quote, as well as the entire statement in the second quote. I think this is not nearly so cut and dry. From personal experience I was an avid sports player in soccer, baseball, street hockey, and neighborhood football games. I think this completely misses the mark of an aspect of male lesbian traits equivalent to a female tomboy. My own experience was that of being active and doing all the "boy" things while at the same time wishing I was a girl doing the same activities.

I also only overlap with about half of the patterns listed at the end of the article. I think the observations made within this article are limited in scope, and do not make clear how much variation may occur within the described subset of the population. While the basic premise that male lesbians are differentiated from heterosexual and homosexual individuals on the basis described seems sound, many of the traits described will only fit a limited number of the whole, and should not be cast as general / all encompassing characteristics.

I would like to see and potentially participate in a wider study that does not make such wide ranging generalizations.

If you come across such a study, please post it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has spent years struggling with questions in regard to this and it would feel good to participate in something that may help understand more about it.

I agree with you about the numerous problems in the article though.
I can't cross dress myself, or even half and half. I'm quite masculine by nature and I gave up any attempts to deny my sex long ago. That doesn't mean I don't wish I could; I guess it's the same as the desire to be female. It lives as an unfulfillable desire due to the fact that it is impossible. I do question how many others have considered and then rejected the idea of transitioning however.

My personal experience is that I waver across the gender line. While I always have a desire to have been born female, half of the time I am accepting of my sex and the dysphoria associated and half of the time I am far less than accepting of it. I came to the conclusion/emotional decision at a younger age that any attempt to create a female embodiment would be false and I would be left with the same problems.

Does anyone else get irrationally jealous of lesbians some times? Some of my best friends are gay and, while I love them, I often find myself chewing my insides with envy that they have/are/can be what I have wanted since I was old enough to understand the concept.

I know no-one has posted in a while but I would still be interested to hear from other people.

Well for me personally, I know that I am submissive, and I read a lot of lesbian erotica because I am attracted to the dominant woman and submissive woman. I am submissive, but also like seeing a woman being dominated so I don't know. I do fit a lot of the criteria though for the above: I have no interest in sports at all, I like reading and watching movies., I prefer women to men as friends, and well I believe in a God, I am not a religious person, I am a very sensitive person and yes people have often confused me as being gay, but I have no interest in being with a man. I would probably crossdress to be dominated, but that's it.

I have been trying to figure out what I am. A lot of this fits me. Fantasies about being a lesbian, less athletic than other guys, no urge to dress up as a woman, reluctantly accept the fact that I'm male. Growing up, though, my friends were all boys and I played with "boy toys." But there was always something enticing, erotic, or naughty about wanting to play with "girl toys." Usually I wouldn't, but sometimes I couldn't help myself. Like Katy Perry sang, "It felt so wrong, and it felt so right." That sums up how I've felt about my secret desires to be a girl.
Thank you for posting this. I feel like I've finally found a group that is the same kind of different as me.

When I found this article i was sceptic , but reading through it you describe my feelings piece by piece , i really love how your writing is honest and it feels like you had the same problems or know a male-lesbian really well. I really struggled with my feelings , thinking i was the only one feeling this way. But knowing there are many that feel like me makes me feel better . I'm reallly thankful that you posted that here :)

I have some of those attributes. Quite a few really. But not all. What the hell am I? Lol.

Keep in mind that many of the attributes described include the word "tend" or something similar. None of these are cut and dried. Hardly anything can be in figuring out how people think or behave and why.

I've come to understand sexual preference as a continuum. At one end is attraction only to women, while the other end is attraction only to men. Strictly straight men and gay women would be at the first end, and strictly gay men and straight women would be at the other. Anyone who isn't that "strict" regarding attraction would be somewhere in between. The more attraction you feel towards a particular gender, the closer you are to that end. Bisexual people would mainly be in the middle.

I can picture a similar continuum for how comfortable people are in their own gender. One end would have men who like being men and women who want/need to become men, and vice-versa. The middle range would be people who aren't fully comfortable as they are, but aren't uncomfortable enough to want to change. Any given category of person-type would cover a range on each continuum, not a specific point.

How many of these attributes fit you, and how well they fit you, can help you determine where you fit on each continuum, thereby helping you determine how you want to self-identify.

I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I will have to give it more thought.

Wow my friends always told me I was a Male-Lesbian based on my music preferences,I even had a lesbian friend call my music, "gayer then she was." But after reading this, there was way more to it. Thank you for posting this.

Recently I have taken quite a liking to My Little Pony-Friendship is magic, I guess not only am I a male lesbian, but now a Brony. Why I like the series, well not only do the stories in the show give a moral sense of life lessons and developing friendships. The show also gives an interesting look into the lives of women, their friendships and how they develop them. The show can be quite deep in the message it is trying to bring across.
I would recommend any Male Lesbian to check this show out, start with Season 1 episodes 1 and 2 first, which is the begging of the series and give some form of explanation as to what the series is about. Another good episode is Season 2 episode 11 (Hearths warming eve), which has a very deep and meaningful message near the end as well as an ideal alternative view to the traditional patriarchal view of how Christmas is celebrated. More like how Christmas should be.

I don't know what to think.. It's like, where do you go from here? Where do you find your princess in shining armor?

Ok I guess I'm not a male lesbian. I do enjoy the company women over men. Yes it eventually leads to sex, but mostly just to hang out and have fun. Some of the best times of my life have been with lesbians or lesbian couples. It's the only time in my life where I've ever met someone where we click mentally. It's happened more than once and even though I know it will never go beyond being friends I just want to spend more time together.

I love your story. You are so truthful and honest, in your writing. Thank you for sharing your story for our EP-Audience........

I agree, also had previously read a chapter out of gilmartins book which is how I was able to put a label on what I was. I fit pretty much every detail almost perfectly. Pretty much ties together and makes sense of every aspect of my life.

This is an excellent article and I greatly advise it to other male Lesbians