August 9, 2011

It is a lot easier now that Aaron is at Camp Pendleton for SOI. We can talk on the weekends and send picture texts to stay in touch. And it is nice that I can also write him and send him little texts and voicemails he can hear as soon as their weekend liberty kicks in. He is thinking that labor day weekend I can come visit, which is less than a month away! Time is going so much faster now, between being able to talk and my schedule being busier I have been much happier the last few weeks.

I was babysitting in Cincinnati for my aunt last weekend and while the twins (4 year olds) were supposed to be sleeping I was talking to Aaron on the phone. One of the boys got up and was like "I want to say hi!!!" so I let them chat for a couple minutes before putting him back to bed. I think seeing each other have an interaction with a small child like that made us both think of our future life together and how badly we want it. Obviously kids are at least a few years in the future, I would be nervous to have a baby if there is a good chance of deployments in the future. That and I have about 10 months left of college and Aaron still needs to pop the question lol

I just love him so much and the happiness we have when we are together is unlike anything else in the world. I wonder if other couples that seem so unhappy once felt the way we do and it fizzled out, or if that many people do just "settle" for someone they are not crazy for. When he was home on boot leave I asked him what he thought I should do after graduation. He said he wants me to be near him. We have been talking more and more about it is a big decision for me to consider, especially since we don't know where his duty station will be yet. He should know around January I think. From what I hear Japan would make it impossible for me to be there, unless I was obviously able to get work there and figure it out for myself, and even then we wouldn't see each other to often I bet. Even so, California or NC would be a big move for me away from all my family and friends. I told him on the phone if I am moving across the country to be with him I want to really be with him. He asked if I was hinting at something, but I'm not really. I would like to get engaged sometime after Christmas. And I would like to live together. But marriage would be a couple years off at this point. The idea of moving somewhere new and starting a new job after graduation is already overwhelming enough. I want marriage and a wedding to be special and a new period of my life. Is it possible to live together without being married (obviously not on base)? Or if I had my own place would he be able to stay there most nights? Those answers would be helpful. I'll try searching the internet later.

I find myself absolutely longing for him, but being able to talk has made the last month feel a lot less lonely than while Aaron was in boot camp. Those were 3 long months to have so little comfort or reassurance. Everyone keeps saying how being the girlfriend/wife of a marine makes you a stronger person. I didn't really understand what this meant at first. I was thinking how I felt pathetic, crying and missing a guy all the time. I felt the same sadness you feel after a break up, only we were still together. Even now I worry about becoming one of those dippy girls who throws her own agenda to the side for a guy. Though I don't really even like what I'm studying, so that is another story and I'm not terribly career oriented. I know I would be happy just being around people who make me happy no matter where or what job. For some women I know that with your Marine gone you have to take care of children alone, or fix the garbage disposal yourself, etc. But I wasn't suddenly biting off any new tasks, my life just returned to how it was before we met only no dating anyone else. I thought, how does basically living life like a single girl make me any stronger?

The point is, nothing is harder than leaving the man you love more than yourself, not knowing when you will see him next and not being able to call to see how he is that day. Compared to hugging Aaron goodbye, nothing will be as mentally or emotionally exhausting. Everytime on the news when I hear about an injured soldier, I shudder inside knowing that that is someone just like him. One day it could be him. Even the 20 seconds it took me to type those last two sentences brings tears to my eyes. So I take the attitude "oh no, not mine!", but I know it could be anyone and I have to do that to keep from being a nervous wreck even thought he is safe in the USA. I know things can get harder, with foreign deployments, injuries, and the potential dangers marines face. While some of these things are much worse to encounter than others, it is the same extreme sadness and strength that we feel and eventually pulls us through. I think everyone possesses this strength but not everyone has so many situations that make them rely on it as the US Marine Corps provides.

I read a post someone put on this website speaking to women who have boyfriends and husbands in boot camp that if they think that is hard, then they had better get out of the relationship now because it only gets worse. I think that is bad advice. Bootcamp is as shocking for us women as it is for the men going through. The sudden lack of communication, loneliness, and uncertainty is overwhelming for both. 3 months seems like a long time when you have never had to endure something unpleasant for so long before. But then suddenly I have now not seen my boyfriend for a month and I haven't cried once or felt the anger I did before. It takes time to accept the distance and that your lives cannot be like they were before. Something I read that has helped me a bit is that it is wanting something we cannot have that makes us depressed. Whether what you are wanting is more money, a new car, a prettier face, or to see your marine right just need to accept that you cannot have it, at least not right now and it is no ones fault and you cannot change it for the time being.

Madeleine2011 Madeleine2011
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 9, 2011

You are a very strong woman and you are competely right. I am in pretty much the same situation as you except my bf is currently deployed. But like you and your bf, we have been talking about marriage and moving in together. He will be stationed in NC and I plan on moving there after graduation in May. You can live together off ba<x>se. That's what we plan on doing and like you we don't plan on a wedding for at least a year. If he gets stationed in NC let me know because I know of some places there to live that you can look at and what places not to look at. I know it is very overwhelming especially during the last year of college, but you can do it! I'm always here to talk to if you need to. Being a marine girlfriend does have its rough patches and worries, especially when you start to think about your future and kids, but it will all work out. I know that when my bf gets home I need to sit down with him and talk to him about whether he wants to re-enlist and whether it's something that we want to put our future kids through, but I will stand beside him whatever we decide. Remember, I'm here if you need anything at all. Stay strong <3