The Decision Process Is Driving Me Insane

Me and my Marine have been together for a year and a half. I love him so much and have gladly made so many sacrifices for him. He's a reservist, but due to budget costs he's forced into leaving his current unit in the next few months. By choice and fate combined, he will either get honorably discharged from the Corps and go through the Officer program (similar to NROTC) OR he will transfered to a unit which involves several months of training and a mandatory 6 month deployment. We talk about it a lot and even though the Officer program is definitely not ruled out, the odds are more in him transferring... Im totally freaking out about him leaving because I have complete faith in his capabilities as a Marine to complete every one of his missions through to the end and return to me safely. I worry, but this has always been his dream to accomplish this challenge to get into this certain unit and I wont stop him from it because of the distance. I can only handle it because I love him so much and he is overly and sincerely faithful to me! With that being said, on the other side of the spectrum, he recently told me he might be able to go Active Duty after training! This excited me beyond belief because that would give us the perfect excuse to give our families for getting married (which we both have been waiting for). Also this would mean that I would get to start my life with him in a NEW place (at least for 4 more years until he plans on getting out). Something I have always felt the need to do in my life and with him it would just feel... Right. BUT NOW, he tells me that staying a reservist is a better option for him because he would like to finish college now, and remain living here. Which means that we will be stuck here for the next 4 years not living together, not getting married, and not having any type of adventure together until after college and after the Marine Corps. Dream crushed. So, as you can tell, my mind is going in all different directions with how to deal with these different options that are about to come up, but still there is no certainty in anything. Part of me is even beginning to feel selfish because I have a preference in his life decisions. But in some way, it is going to be our life together, right? So, shouldnt it matter to me? I just dont know how to stay sane when he's pulling me in so many directions. Any positive words of advice, wisdom, or support?
semperfilove19 semperfilove19
3 Responses Dec 14, 2012

Marines (and I say Marines because I don’t have experience with any other branch of service) tend to change their mind a lot regarding future plans. I think it’s normal especially when they are as young as I think yours is. But hey! It’s their future they are thinking about so it might be important to think and rethink it as needed.

One thing I thought while I was reading your post is that your future is totally focused on him, which is great, I mean my future is totally focus on my Marine but you and I are not the same age. It’s ok to try to plan your life together, yes, but that can’t stop you from doing what you are dreaming to do especially if you are not married yet. I don’t know what you mean with “starting your life” in a new place, but in the meanwhile you can travel, get to know other cultures, that you will enjoy too.

What I’m trying to say is that it is his choice because it is his career…and you shouldn’t depend on his career to fulfill your dreams. What happens if he does what you would like and then he is unhappy? You wouldn’t be able to live with that resentment.

You can have all the adventures you want right now, and the most important thing: you get to have him with you all the time :)

You are in a pretty tough spot and I understand the stress and pressure. Have you told him how you feel?

Be supportive of his decision whichever way it goes. Is it just family stopping yall from getting married? If so, dont let them hold you back. and just remember yall have your whole lives ahead for an adventure together in a new place if he doesn't go active. My marine keeps flipping back in forth in our future plans too cuz he cant make up his mind about reenlistment but I'm just along for the ride and as long as I can find a job wherever we go I'll be satisfied just knowing he made the best career decision for himself and our future family.