I Am a Married Lesbian

 I am a middle-aged woman living a lie.  I have a husband who loves me very much, and a lovely grown daughter.  I fell in love with my best girlfriend three years ago.  We had an affair.  I had the most amazing sex and intimacy of my life.  I had to break up with her because she was pulling hard on me to leave, and I wasn't' ready.  I realize she is a bit immature and regardless of our passion, we would not have made a good life together.  I live in the midwest and it's difficult to find people like me.  My marriage is now empty.  My husband talks about the news, history, events in his day and other people.  I like to talk about why people feel the way they feel, their histories, their common experiences, why I am the way I am, why you are the way you are . . .  I am so terribly lonely.  My friends are lesbians but they are all out, and I can't invite them to my home without feeling like I am advertising my sexual orientation to my husband.  I told my siblings and they said "good for you!  Go for it!"  I told my husband twice I am a lesbian and both times he stopped talking to me for a few days, then seemed to forget.  When I reminded him he said, "yes but you said you're not acting on it."  I feel like I am living in a parallel universe, like my truth is real only to me.  I feel bound here by economics.  I come from a poor family and my husband has a secure income, which helps me feel less insecure. If you have a similar experience please contact me, and thank you for reading my story.

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26-30
1 Response Mar 17, 2009

Sounds like you are halfway there. You have admitted it to your friends, and your husband, but you are still with him? I would finally take the plunge and change your life to suit YOU. I am married also, would love my partner to be a woman instead, but unlike you, I love my husband for who he is and that's why I stay. You have only one life, and if you've actually told the people around you who you really are, all you have to do now is act it! Yes, your life may feel like its upside down for a while, only because you have to make adjustments - a new living arrangement, new finances etc. Big and scary ya? But think that you are changing your life for the better.<br />
Good luck with your future happiness!