Husband , Where Art Thou?

I am a married single parent that has been married for 19 years. My husband is in the military and we have 3 children; 18,17,10.  My husband seems to be a workaholic. I feel that he loves his job more than he loves me. When i married him I thought he would be there forever to support, cherish and love me. Within the last 10 years  I have really been feeling doubt about that. My husbund travels a lot and he seems to be around when all of the crisis are over. We have two teenage sons and they have really been challenging to raise and deal with alone. When our sons do something out of control, I feel like its my fault, probably because I am always with them  and making the descisions. One time one of our sons decided to experience smoking , I found the end of the cigar in his room and called my husband and once he seen it himself. I was very upset. My husband was angry as if he was mad at me for finding out.  I work long hours and it seem that my job isnt done until the children are asleep. When I am fustrated and call for support. He always says that he will call me back, he has to go to the gym , he is talking with  a client or I gotta go. I pray about  it but I feel that sometimes he( my husband) is getting over . Sometimes I would like to go to the gym, eat what ever  I want and pass the buck off on some one else. I feel that it isnt fair for him to get all the credit or hugs and kisses when he is not around. He seems to be arund whne htings are better not worse: although he vowed to be ther for both.