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What Gives?

I am a sahm of 3 and my husband works full-time by day, and just started attending school in the evenings.. so when he comes home.. the kids and I are already in bed. When he heads off to work at about 5:30AM we are all sleeping. I am having to cope with the reality that is going to take place for the next year or so. The kids are not happy about it either.. they understand that we will all benefit from it later... ya know kids they're concerned about the right here and now. They know that mommie is actively looking for job and so thy're little minds wonder 

I tried to cry myself to sleep last night just thinking about it as he lay beside me after just getting home from school.. there was no conversation, no intimacy and I just am about to loose my mind especially with being home with the kids all day due to the summer and then the little one needs my attention 110% of the time.

I recalled  about a year ago when we were going through some issues and he had this attitude/mindset that I was just making things difficult and that I was not putting in enough effort in order to get US out of the rut WE were in...such as job and getting the kids in daycare and aftercare when we did not even have the means to do so!!! I thought ok let me see if he can parent alone better than me... I tested the waters.

So one morning before he had to be to work.. I got up, got dressed.. really no where to go:-) But decided to go to coffee shop since it was the only thing open that early.. besides wal-mart which was my next stop. lol...  anyways. Basically left him to wonder where the kids were going to go, what clothes to get, what was needed for breakfast... only one thing.. he did have to be to work.. now some might say that was wrong, however he had personal time on the books and he would worry about me... I knew he would call my cell phone.. I told him since he thought he could do a better job or that he could do it alone then go ahead and that I TOO had some personal time on the books that I needed to use;-]

He did appologize some hours later that he did not mean what he said nor to take what I do for them for granted. I believe him.. however it just does not take away the feeling of parenting alone, discipline alone  or feeling unappreciated. And to know that the only time he really can spend with us is the weekend and the fact that he does not take advantage of that time.. really saddens me.

napturals napturals 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 1, 2009

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I understand where you're coming from, especially when you say that your husband leaves early and you and the kids are still in bed. And, then again in the evenings, when he returns, you and the kids are in bed. I have been depressed (I think what you call how I feel these days) about this for a long time now. I don't know what to do about it, though. Thanks for sharing your story.