Married One Year, Together For 6.5

It all started about 3 years ago. I was in an on again-off again relationship (which was on at the time) with a man who I loved but was not in love with. We were very much opposite, but both of us could not really tolerate anyone else, haha. Anyway, I was working at a school and at the beginning of the school year, they had to replace some teachers. Every once in a while we had male teachers, but education is predominantly female. I walk into the cafeteria and standing probably 100 feet away from me is the most delicious looking man I had seen in a long time. He was young, closer to my age - my bf at the time is 6 years older - and what every girl wants: tall, dark hair, handsome, rugged... just dreamy! I couldn't help but blush. Over the next few months we got to know each other, and I don't even remember how it started but we became very flirty and even though we both were seeing people, we made time to stay after school and get more acquainted. Around January I realized I would be selling myself short if I didn't pursue this man I started having feelings for, so I broke up with the bf, even though my coworker said clear as a bell he wouldn't break up with his gf. As time goes on we started taking "breaks" and meeting in secret in certain parts of the school and made out, and eventually started having sex on the premises. He is still in a relationship at this point and since I made no progress in getting him to break up with her, I got back together with the ex in May. When the coworker and I weren't breaking the law, we were also having casual conversations, almost like friends. We continued our affair through the summer, making up lies to our significant others, having adventurous, passionate, electrifying sex. The connection became so intense to me that I thought I actually fell in love with this man. Yet he did not want to be in a relationship with me.

Fast forward to November, my birthday comes and goes, and two weeks later, the bf of now 4.5 years proposes. The moment of truth... what do I say? Of course I said yes, this is what I always wanted, this is part of the reason I broke up with him multiple times before. I had finally resigned the notion that he would propose and what does he do? Propose! I find out two days later that the coworker and his gf broke up the same day my bf proposed. Coincidence? I think not! I was heartbroken, torn, my head was spinning. Foolishly, I continued the affair through wedding planning, through birthdays, through vacations. We constantly "sexted" and on occasion skyped. The intense feelings I thought I had for this guy made me do crazy things! September 2011 - I get married. The hubby travels often for work... two weeks after the wedding I cheated again! What is this man doing to me? We went on our honeymoon in November - I was sexting with the coworker when hubby wasn't looking. On and off throughout our affair I would get hints that this guy may have started having feelings for me... he had two dates in a year. One of the most attractive men I had ever seen could only get two dates in one year? I find it hard to believe he was actually trying. He accommodated me 99% of the time if I wanted to hook up. Sex on the beach, sex in my car, sex at my house. A man will not go to your house no matter what if he's not interested in you, especially if there's a chance he will run into your family. Was he sending me mixed signals? I guess we'll never know.

Anyway... This past March we had a very long, very revealing conversation and I decided my heart couldn't handle it anymore, I had to end the affair with the coworker. I was hurting myself, my relationship with the hubby and the hubby didn't deserve it at all. He's been nothing but good to me and treats me like a princess and this is how I repay him? I wouldn't be surprised if he found out and divorced me quicker than you could say 'cheater.' I wish I had never met the coworker, let alone start a physical relationship. All of our coworkers thought we should have been together, even some of the kids said, "Ms. C, are you going to marry Mr. J?" It was adorable, but at the same time heartbreaking. Up until that point, I had never been rejected by any man, why this one? It wasn't that he wasn't rejecting me, he thought I was rejecting him. So a relationship between us would never have worked anyway if we couldn't just communicate with simple honesty. It sucks, but I'm glad I stuck by the one who has always been there for me, no matter how many times I hurt him. That's true love.
tiddlywink222 tiddlywink222
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 18, 2012

where are you from?can we talk?