I'm A Married Woman In Love With Another Man

it all started as a FWB (Friends with benefits) relationship as I'm unhappy with my marriage. (see other posts)
well after our 2nd meeting something inside me knew that it was more. He also felt it. We resisted and well after my 2 week trip away we realized that we fell in love. I have been planning on leaving my husband for sometime now and at this present time the relationship between husband and I is slowly coming to an end. I didnt set out to fall in love it just happened. I just dont know what is keeping me with the husband (read other stories) i'm not confuse but I dont know why Im scared or what.
pink613 pink613
46-50, F
10 Responses Apr 17, 2012

Things don't "just happen". We put ourselves in vulnerable situations and settings, then we say stupid things like, "It just happened." Today there is no respect for marriage and commitment. If I go on a business trip but one night I get drunk and invite à woman back to my room, or, if I am in my room and Hally Berry walks in naked, guess what, I have put myself into a bad situation and I may succumb unless I have respect and commitment to my marriage.

Let's face it, our spouses become different people over time. Everybody changes. If you use this as a justification for "falling out of love" then no marriage will last. The parents of the 50s abd 60s had commitment to the institution of marriage and recognized that people change along the way. They adapted to their spouse's changes and stayed together as a consequence.

Imagine a world where we all say, "He changed, I changed, I fell out of love" yada yada yada. That would be a world where no institution would last, let alone marriage. A non-commital world is a brutal world, where all we care about is satisfying our carnal lusts abd our desires for creature comforts. There is no meaning to such a world, as one spouse after the other is dumped in favor if the next boyfriend or girlfriend, who in turn is dumped as we endlessly "fall out of love" then back into love.

Who wants to live in such a selfish world! Count me out, please.

Your stories really hit close to home. I'm 25, and engaged. Not yet married and have been slowing down on the wedding planning. Four out of five of my bestfriends are engaged to be married this year and next year. It's very exciting being able to do all of this together however I don't believe I'm still inlove with my fiancé, we haven't been together very long but at one point I've felt that I was truly inlove with him. Does It take longer to fall inlove? Do you think I was really inlove? I feel like a large weight is put on my shoulders, growing up as the black sheep in a religious family that has finally come to see me as an equal due to me being "mature" and starting a family. I don't want to disappoint or disconnect with them but 60% of me is telling me to end this relationship before it's too late. The other 40% me thinking that I I'll fall back inlove with him. I've spoken to a friend about the situation and she seemed a little bias because my fiancé takes care of all of our finances plus took care of me while I was in the hospital for a few weeks and almost passed away. He was great he really was, probably the most stand up man I've ever met in my life. On paper we are perfect, hell, in person we are perfect together but I just can't help but think there is more out there for me. I love him, but I'm not inlove with him.

Add a response...

I have read almost all of these stories to try to understand my own feelings. I have been married for 18 years and am no longer in love with my husband, however, it did not begin that way. I loved him unconditionally and did everything to appease him. Deep down, I know he loves me but he has a horrible way of showing it. He's pushed and shoved me numerous times. Each time, I have forgiven him. He's said horrible things to me and again, I have forgiven. I'm to the point now that I am no longer happy..but I still stay. I'm not sure why...We have a teenager together, and I am really ready for him to end it....I want HIM to do it. I felt this way before I contacted this other guy again....he's very sweet and treats me like a queen. I tried not to get too head over heels because I know it's not always greener on other side. But this guy is so attentive, and down to earth.....(he's divorced)...I feel like a woman with I am with him instead of a business partner. My husband and I are in counseling but I'm not so sure why...I have prayed and prayed for God to step in and help me with this because I know what I'm doing is wrong. There is a lot more that has gone on in my marriage.....but I'll stop here for now.

I have been wanting to get this off of my chest for a long time but could not find anyone to talk to. Thanks for listening....

I'm 33 and have been in 2 marriages both in which I married for stability. I was 19 in my first and 27 in my second. The first he was military and cheated numerous of times and now the second is also military. I knew I wasn't in love but didnt want to be a single parent. My marriage has been about me giving my all and getting nothing in return. I have not been happy for the past few years. Now I have by accident met the man of my dreams who is totally opposite from what I'm used to. We have both fallen in love with each other and we want a future with each other however I'm afraid! Only because I'm afraid of change , but I know if I stay married That I will continued to be unhappy and will regret the would if" for the rest of my life:( I feel like fear is taking over.....

Your situation is like mine, although I have been with my 2nd mate 14yrs we never married but my relationship is over and has been for years it is just so hard to end it, I just feel scare 's it's crazy bc I know this man is not going to wait forever!

Hi there well here is an update about 3 weeks ago my husband left. He got upset with something and walked out the door. <br />
I feel like a great weight has been lifted off me. I have been able to see my love and we have gotten closer

Its so hard to know what the right thing to do is. I have been married for ten years but I am so madly in love with another man. I never was the one to step outside the marriage but after being cheated on twice and pushed away for a year. I no longer love my husband but I am afraid to leave. We have a son together and I don't want to break up his home but I am dying on the inside. I'm so alone and confused

I know how you feel, I am married for 14 years and in love with another man....completely utterly fully in love with him.....I am scared to leave my husband too. I don't understand it....My husband has change who i am, how i am, our financial situation is not changing because he keeps doing the same stupid things over and over again, he has ruined my credit, and although he does love me and doesn't treat me badly, I am tired of saying ok...its ok...do whatever you want...but if i don't everything that bothers me gets turned back on to me!....The man I am in Love with is Significantly younger than I am....extremely mature for his age however, and he loves me so completely....We have talked about everything that occurs with such a big difference...I am a female 42 and he is 24....But he is more man than i have ever known.....He wants to take care of me and give me whatever I want in my life....And its wonderful to be told how amazing I am, beautiful I am...how loved I am.....I had in mind before I met this man that I was leaving my husband....but meeting him has really changed everything....He makes me laugh and He listens to me and he gives me such great support...I wish i had answers as to what to do....thanks for listening....

Hi Danielle, We both have almost same story. I am married for 3 years and no child yet. Me and husband was so happy with our relation, till the time comes that problem occurs, which I can't give him a child. From that time our relationship turn bitter. He started to come home late at night and then upon reaching home, going to have dinner and sleep. So I feel like too much useless, coz i know why it happen to us. I talked with him and he said we dont have any problem. But why he keep on taking me for granted. Till one day..I meet one guy who is younger than me, first we became friend and then after long time he told me that he loves me. He knows everything about me and my story, but still he wants me and he wants to marry me if i leave my husband. what am i going to do?

Daniel.....Dont lie to yourself and let your emotions and feelings guide your decisions. You are 42 and have enough experience to know that if you truly love this other man and want to make it with him you will show him you are a woman with dignity and respect to the man you are married with and end it with him first correctly. This will testify to your young love that if you treated and behaved respectfully first with some one who didn't deserve it then how much more with someone who you truly loved. Thats if he truly loves you too. I have to take your word for it, since you said but I I can't see how. True love is measured in sacrifice. What has he sacrificed lately? GOD even tests man and if you haven't tested it then you can't trust it.

Wow, you are not in love with the 24yr old man, you are HORNY and confusing that for love. I have a 26yr old son, an attorney, and he is typical of his age group...immature. Thus, there is no doubt in my mind that you cannot love this young man since he has basically no real life experience and you have already been thru life and have likely seen most of what there is to see. I am 57, and if I dated a woman half my age people would be calling me a "dirty old man", not to mention that the woman would be way too immature relative to my experience level, just by virtue of being elderly.

Please, take a step back and look at the forest from the trees.

How do I feel at this moment about my husband? At the moment I dont really like my husband. <br />
What made me feel alive about my new friend is that his is understanding he makes me laugh he is easy to talk to he does nt get up set we are honest with each other he is very loving and respectful. He does not want to change me. <br />
<br />
what I can tell you is dont do what I have done that is stay in my marriage for the sake of staying. Thinking it will get better or I have to fix it because I did something wrong. I can tell you that this does not work I see that now and I will leave. There is a lot more to my story. But I know that I have not been true to myself by staying in something that I dont want any more. it is confusing and I dont have all the answers I wish that I did.<br />
if you need to talk im here for you

I feel your misery. I agree with you when you say, "don't stay in a marriage that you don't want to be in." It's true also as you said that you don't want to remain in something your hearts not in for the sake of just staying in it. I will even go further and say not even for the kids....."Yes!...Not even for the sake of the children." To many knuckle-headed people think their doing their kids a favor by staying miserable together, nor realizing that they are damaging their image of marriage and end up never wanting to get married because all they saw growing up was seeing Dad and Mom either always fighting or never talking or worse yet, never showing each other kindness that is a fruit of love. Get a divorce and ask GOD to forgive you. You made a mistake and move on. You can do it. Your pride is all that holds you back.

How do you feel at this moment about your husband?<br />
<br />
What made you feel alive about your new find?<br />
<br />
I guess I am searching for the right thing as well. I too have entered into a new moment with someone else other than my husband. And I am trying to figure out what it is?<br />
<br />
I am searching to find out what it is. I am giving the other person his space, so I can do some figuring out.<br />
<br />
I don;t want him leave his wife - I kow he'll never do that for me, he loves his kids. So I must be something that fulfills his urges I guess- not sure.<br />
<br />
seeking the remedy,

This problem is easy to solve but it takes balls or I should say "P.....y, since lately the most selfless are women but don't worry you girls are catching up on man's selfishness but thats another topic. At any rate here is the solution. You obviously think this man loves you. If he loves you it doesn't mean he will necessarily leave his family because in his mind and it is, sorry to say, within his natural capacity to truly love you and yet remain with his wife and kids. Doesn't seem fair, I know but it's the brutal truth. You on the other hand because you are female have a much more complicated issue. If you are married yet in love with a married man and you truly love this married man then you much choose between him and your future. Thats a heavy price to pay for true love. A price that only a few were willing to pay. The reason the choice is so dramatic is that for a woman to be in love with anyone other than the man she has sex with is doing a terrible harm to herself first and then to that poor man she sleeps with but doesn't love. Women in their nature have sex and love tied together. If you choose your future then you must let that married man go because he won't leave his family for you but if you choose True love with him then you must wait for him and have no sexual contact with no one but him. And make sure he knows your waiting. I recommend to let that guy go! If you think you can live your life entering into other relationships with other men and hold this married man in you back pocket your just damaging yourself and are not being true to any relationship. Would you want to be with a man that slept with you but truly loved someone else and was still with hope to one day be with that woman? Of course not. You would feel used. The same thing if you don't let that married man go, all other men are only your toys to keep you entertained until your chance at your true love comes.....And that my girl is true selfishness!

If you want to remain the other woman thats up to you. I do not judge you. There is no greater sinner here than me. Thats why I can post with boldness because I have gone thru all these things. I do not recommend you to be this man's person to fulfill his urges. What i do recommend is this. Do not give him sex, do not let him see you or touch you but let him know that you love him and are waiting for him. 9 out of 10 his wife is fulfilling that part and this will put pressure on him to choose. And since truly it's you that he wants, trust me I know, I have been in his shoes. I know he loves you but most men put duty before love. His duty to his family is greater than his love for you. All your doing is adding several thousand pounds of weight to your advantage when you don't give him *****. That ***** means a lot....a lot!...Did I say a lot, yes! a lot to a man.

Correction: 9 out of 10 his wife is NOT fulfilling that part

There's your remedy

1 More Response