Finally Coming To Realization

I have always been attracted to bondage in general, all of the rope, chains, leather just seemed so beautiful to me. Even at an early age of 15 I was drawn to these things which seemed odd to me not to mention to every one else. It probably comes as no surprise I was abused as a child, details that are not important now. However I am starting to realize that following these two things, I began a string of abusive relationships accompanied by a sex addiction. Some men thought I was sick and, some just got tired of fulfilling my special needs. I wanted to have sex all of the time, tied up, sometimes choked, and sometimes more. Now I've have a husband who is wonderful to me except I pushed him into a trinogmy, dating women together and, having sex with them together. When I became pregnant I didn't want to continue it but, at that point he was bitter and, decided he did. We continued a relationship with the other women up until recently. My child is now 7 months old and, it is now just me and my husband. I couldn't help but feel excited and, relieved when she left. So I wondered if the whole thing despite me being bi and liking the sex was, to just further humiliate myself.
iamkc3 iamkc3
4 Responses Jul 27, 2010

see an i had like the clevers for parents and i'm still the same way.. my child hood was pretty much perfect

I started thinking about spanking girls and punishment when I was a teen boy, and it progressed to being turned on by slapping, whipping and other kinds of physical abuse. I didn't know that some girls were masochists and actually got wet from this kind of thing - all I knew is that it made me so hard. The first time I had an ****** from a girl being humiliated and sexually degraded was like the earth opening - I couldn't imagine being more turned on by anything else. Now I find it is the combination of the physical and mental sadism - whipping, slapping, spanking a girl...but also calling her names, humiliating her, and sexually degrading her. And you know what? Part of that is seeing her get aroused from the treatment. More than a part of it, actually. It is all bound up together. Her suffering and arousal, her humiliation and her ******. The embarrassment and humiliation and shame is bound constantly to the sexual feelings.<br />
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And yes, I was abused also as a child (and watched much abuse) so like you, no surprise.

Hope you find the family and friendship and partnership and hot kinky sex that you want - all of them!

Hi. I've been involved in this lifestyle for a long time. As far as I can tell, people hyper activate their erotic chemistry really, rather than just 'want to be humiliated' as such. In other words, 'just further humiliate myself' is likely also driving your endorphines up (or increasing the receptivity of your neurone pathways). Wanting to be humiliated might simply be a pathway you use to get erotically aroused. I would say the thing to know is that you should attempt to be with caring, compassionate, and non self-involved people who appreciate you and your feelings and are mature about it. Masochism is thrilling, not destructive or psycho-sexually suppressive. Regards, kjd.