I get sexual gratification from pain. Also suffocation and I guess kinkier things like that. Although I am in a relationship and my long time boyfriend doesn't even see it. I think it's a good possibility that I am a masochist but I don't know how to fulfill what I REALLY need. Is there a how to on stuff like this? Is there some middle ground where I can get what I want but not scare him off?? HELP!