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Pain Is My Pleasure

To put it quite simply I'd rather have bruises than roses.

As I've written before, I am very, very deep in masochism. I don't think I've ever had sex where the other person hasn't hurt me. It happens to varying degrees. I've been to the hospital a few times, had a few stitches now and then but mostly I just put on long sleeves and hope that the guy left my face recognizable.

I've been having frequent, incredibly dangerous hookups with men for years. However recently I've started dating someone. Someone whom I really care about and how means the world to me. He's not a sadist though. He doesn't have a sadistic bone in his body. He has really encouraged me to move away from masochism and explore "healthy" sex.

I know he doesn't want to hurt me. I know seeing the way I've let my body be treated hurts him. And to some extent he is correct. I'm not the little pain in the bedroom sort of masochist. If I was I don't think we'd have such an issue. I don't have any idea how to have sex without the pain though. And I'm not entirely sure I want to.

I'd just rather have bruises than roses.
KnaveOfClubs KnaveOfClubs 18-21, M 4 Responses Aug 22, 2012

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Love that as a tagline. But I'd like to have bruises AND roses, as long as the roses have thorns that are going to be used on me... ;-)

That's a book. :-) Even a book about BDSM, the exact title is: Screw the roses, send me the thorns.

Hi, I also LOVE your saying, bruses over roses. Nice one.

I've tried to have 'normal', vanilla relationships. I can't. I can't live without kink and pain in my life, in my love and in my sex life.

I was dating a lovely lady a couple years ago. We were a fantastic match. A dream come true. But like your partner, she couldn't hurt a fly, let alone me.

I tried to get her to understand that physically hurting me, wasn't 'hurting' me as most understand it. It was making love to me. And as I have better ******* from pain than sex, it is what my body needs to function.

I ended up breaking it off with her, because I couldn't see it lasting long. I couldn't live without pain and kink, and she couldn't participate in it.

I hope you can find a happy middle point, because love is rare and hard to find (as I'm learning).

xx

DId someone just imply that masochism is unhealthy? Because I disagree.

It's only different, vanilla, monogamous, heterosexual penetrative sex isn't some holy grail, on the contrary: it's misogynistic in nature, since vaginal penetration tends to not give a lot of women an ******, while clitoral stimulation does.



The only dangerous thing I'm reading here is the "dangerous hookups for years with men" part.

Do you pick up your men at random, without safety measures? Because yes, that sounds unhealthy.

It has nothing to do with sadomasochism though, if you'd just **** with those men it would be almost just as dangerous.

There are scenes and tricks to find a safe sadist-partner: going to BDSM events, doing background checks, having a safety call etc.



Don't get me wrong, I've been to the hospital before after a scene, but maybe dating a sadist might be a good idea?

I found mine at a BDSM party more than a year ago, and I'm even an ugly duckling; we're still happily together, despite him having a wife next to me.

It's completely possible to have your cake and eat it too, but please to try to do it responsible, okay?



Be safe and have fun. :-)

While I am well aware that masochism in itself isn't unsafe, trust me when I say that I am. That is what I was trying to say. I have been dangerously wild in the past. Yes, I have hooked up anomalously with out safety precautions or guidelines and, yes, it was very unhealthy. It went past unhealthy into the territory of just plain stupid. I am lucky I did not get more than I did.

That being said, I am in no way currently in the market for a sadist. I care very much about my current boyfriend Scott, on levels deeper than sex and pain games, which is something I haven't really experienced a lot in my life. So even though we haven't worked out the kinks with sex yet, I have no intention of leaving him any time soon.

I am in love with your saying "rather have bruises than roses." :)