Pain Is My PleasureTo put it quite simply I'd rather have bruises than roses.
As I've written before, I am very, very deep in masochism. I don't think I've ever had sex where the other person hasn't hurt me. It happens to varying degrees. I've been to the hospital a few times, had a few stitches now and then but mostly I just put on long sleeves and hope that the guy left my face recognizable.
I've been having frequent, incredibly dangerous hookups with men for years. However recently I've started dating someone. Someone whom I really care about and how means the world to me. He's not a sadist though. He doesn't have a sadistic bone in his body. He has really encouraged me to move away from masochism and explore "healthy" sex.
I know he doesn't want to hurt me. I know seeing the way I've let my body be treated hurts him. And to some extent he is correct. I'm not the little pain in the bedroom sort of masochist. If I was I don't think we'd have such an issue. I don't have any idea how to have sex without the pain though. And I'm not entirely sure I want to.
I'd just rather have bruises than roses.