Am I A Masochist?

I have been in a BDSM relationship for over 3 years. I am so confused and frustrated that I really need some advice. My Dominant is a sadist who uses mind games and pain as ways to torture me. Almost every time he whips, canes or beats me I ****** but I still fight him and try to get away from the pain. He gets so angry with me because he says if I was a true masochist, I wouldn't try to stop him from inflicting pain on me. He says I try to top him from the bottom by trying to get away and screaming for him to stop. I really don't know why I try to stop him, I get so turned on when he tells me to ***** and bend over, and sex almost always follows and the end result is that I always ****** . Am I a Masochist? I really don't know, as I have nothing to compare how I am feeling too. He is asking me to figure out whether I am or not because there is no doubt he is a sadist. Is there anyone out there with any advice or someone who has had the same experiences? Please I could really use someone to talk to regarding this.....
dandelion1969 dandelion1969
41-45, F
4 Responses Dec 3, 2012

In no way would I ever consider it abusive, I have given myself to him to use as he sees fit. The problem I am having is not the spanking or whippings themselves, because I crave them constantly. It is that I can't seem to stop saying no and stop, which is confusing to him because he has no desire to hurt me if I don't want to be hurt....as I said, I always *** while he is whipping me and I enjoy every minute of it.

Those of us who have been subject to whips and beatings have an idea of what we can take and enjoy

I think it's imperative tha you figure out whether his "mind games" are him being abusive , or really are just "play". There's a difference between play time, and an abusive relationship. If he were a true Sadist, he would not be perturbed by you saying No and screaming or resisting, in my opinion. Most Sadists would merely get more turned on. I squirm and yell and say No, but my Master understands that I enjoy being taken despite saying No. Our safe word is his name, as that is not something a slave calls a Master. So when I want him to stop, I say his name. And sometimes, during play, if he says my name, it's because he values me and is only giving me what I desire. It's his way of saying, right now, you are more than slave. Sometimes he is in a mood where he can't bear to hurt me. These are really things you need to talk about to have a healthy relationship. It's necessery and can be dangerous if you don't.

Thanks so much for your response, my confusion is growing and I don't know where to turn. To have some one to talk helps alot....