Why Am I The Way I Am?

I'm not the most extreme masochistic person physically, although I do enjoy being tied up, scratched roughly, bruised and choked, and just being controlled in general. I put myself into emotionally devastating situations though, I purposely make myself sad and I like to be yelled at,talked down to, crying feels good. I've also made my life harder than it needs to be, I dropped out of school at the age of 17, never learned to drive and haven't had a job yet.. I've made my life rough just because I could and it scared me less than actually becoming something in life. I'm starting to accept myself more and learning to control myself when need be while also trying to discover myself more.. Which leads me to, what makes me this way? Is it beyond my control or is it something I've done? I'm about to turn 20 now, getting my education and moving forward slowly due to my partner. After a little reading I feel like I might have a submissive personality as well.