i never would have thought i'd find pain to be pleasurable. throughout my life i have been taught that inflicting pain on yourself and others is morally wrong. now that i can make my own rules though i've discovered a new way of feeling. i never enjoyed being spanked as a child nor the idea of my best friend and boyfriend cutting themselves, in fact the idea concerned(s) me greatly. how can i justify my actions of masochism and not self infliction? because i can't absolve this i feel a little like a nut case.

also i don't know if it's normal to find pain desirable when i'm in bed with my boyfriend and not when i'm not expecting the pain. but at the same time the spontaneity of my lovers bites and spankings makes them all more exciting and yet slipping on ice is undesirable. this is another contradiction i can not verify, and again, makes me uncertain of my minds' stability.

i'd like to ask any mothers out there about breast feeding. i ******* love having my nipples played with ruffly. will the context of breast feeding be so different that i won't enjoy it? i'd feel awful if i found my babies nutriment sexually alluring.

bruised bruised
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 8, 2010

my boyfriend isn't necessarily a sadist. however, he abuses me the way i want because he knows it makes me happy. just like i know his sexual preferences. be slow about talking about it, it could freak some people out, but being honest is important. i don't think searching for a partner based souly on the BS&M tastes, if they care about you they'll help you get off. and to find someone who will care about you means exploring other requirements you seek in a partner!