Trapped...no Ones Perfect


I feel trapped in my body. On the public side Im the perfect man. Outgoing, talented, and extremely smart. too Perfect. I am a virgin and its impossible to ignore by now. I am not gay. I love women. 2 weeks ago I met possibly the most perfect girl for me and it has been amazing. I want more than anything to be with her....the one thing holding me back, I cant...I know she finds me attractive and would want to have sex. But I am a masochist. Specifically wedgies sexually arrouse me...I am ashamed of it.. google it there's tons of us out there, but we like it when you tug on our underwear. I hate that it arouses me. And I have tried and tried to be sexually aroused by women. I see women and think they are beautiful. I can feel their beauty but I can't portray in any sexual manner. It sickens me. Yet the sex drive is strong. If you've stopped reading by now I dont blame you. This is the first time this has ever been written and it is harsh and out of the normal censored view of normal. I have researched and researched to see if theres any cure any treatment...any hope...I want to want women. I feel as I have led a perfect life and on the outisde Im shining, yet on the inside I am sexually broken and an outcast in the sex riden society in america today...If you have a woman an dif you can share the wonderful and natural act of sex, please don't ever take it for granted. And the moral of the story, noones perfect...no matter how perfect they look on the outside. Thank you

-M


mdmas mdmas
18-21, M
1 Response Mar 10, 2010

I am in awe of your raw honesty. Is there a way for you to accept yourself for who you are? Perhaps finding one who has the same common trait that you have. Your words express your frustration and pain. It is too bad that our society is so narrow minded...I wish you the best. : )