I Don't Understand Why I Get So Mean
The night before last I was drinking with my boyfriend and some friends. I had a lot to drink and my boyfriend wanted me to stop. All I remember is getting very upset with him and locking him out of our bedroom. When I woke up he wasn't by me and I found him sleeping in the living room using his jacket as a blanket.
I apologized profusely and he quickly forgave me and everything seemed fine. We went back to sleep for another few hours together. When I woke up again later I checked my e-mail and there was a message from him saying that I ever treated him like that again he would leave, despite the consequences, and that it was not a threat it was a fact.
This caught me by complete surprise because I only remember locking him out but I guess I was saying the most horrible mean and hurtful things to him throughout the night.
I knew he wasn't lying because its happened on multiple occasions before, me getting to drunk and saying all of these hurtful things to him.
I'm very much in love with my boyfriend and would never intentionally hurt him in this way. I do know that if its between him and drinking, drinking goes, no questions asked. I love him to much to loose him. But why do I get so mean??
Are all those things I'm saying the way I really feel? Or is that just a myth? Why do I get so mean??