Sibling Violence

I have 2 younger brothers.      One nearest my age was physically abusive. Also, he liked to act like he was parent and boss.     My youngest brother   and I would receive beatingsfrom him with little or no provocation from us.     When we were younger they'd  reprimand him.   As we got older they'd make excuses for him.   My mother would say that we got him angry so we asked for it.     I feel there was no excuse  for such behavior.   They should've punished him and made him learn to have self-control.

                    Why would parents do this?  Don't they realize how it affects their children?  I don't talk to this brother  very much.  He's  still gets  irritable easily.  He's not physically violent now but I still have  fear it might happen.   Recently  he was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome. I have heard  that  it causes aggression in males. He  had other symptoms that were subtle when young that were not recognized.   He's almost 62.   When we were children, that illness what practically unknown.   I still believe there was no excuse for such behavior.  Anybody can exercise  self-control.    My sister-in-law  believes me but she acts  like I should forgive him.  How?     Is that going to erase what he did?  He'd never tell me he  feels bad about it. He's either too proud or  ashamed. 

         Do any of you have similar stories?  How did you handle your situations?  Please answer me  here or send me a private e-mail.

Reject64 Reject64
61-65
5 Responses Feb 13, 2009

My brother is physically abusive as well, but that's just because he chooses to be. My mom is not a great role model either. It sucks that you have such a $hitty family.

What do you do about brother's abusiveness? Is there anyone who could
help both of you & your mom? You don't deserve such treatment. Who
does?

my mom is abusive herself. I don't live with my family anymore. I've told my parents that my brother's behavior is problematic, but they still blame me. I'm finished with them; they can go to hell for all I care.

My mom was abusive,too. It was more verbal than physical. Either way,it sent my self-esteem to hell. Most of my family generation believed my mother's lies,too. I seldom see any of them,either. Good for you for getting away! You deserve better.

thanks for the encouragement. you are right; it's not worth it.

1 More Response

My mother died this past Monday. There's so much I wish she's have told me. Now it'll never happen.<br />
My middle brother threatened to abandon me somewhere to make my way home. That's because I told him how I felt about her often. He was always her favorite.<br />
My other brother was in good standing most of time. He just didn't want to hear it. His wife was driving so tried to keep out of it. I did tell them there were good things about her, too. If it were just this time, I might have over looked it. Most of life growing up with him he either threatened me with harm or did it. I decided this was it. <br />
Told his wife that when they get home, I want nothing to do with him. I'd meet her somewhere else. Said we'd talk<br />
about it later. Still haven't. Am I being unreasonable? My son wants no part of him,either. Thinks he's a jerk. He wasn't with us that day. Daughter and he get along. Only way I get along with him is if I only talk things light or superficial. <br />
Both my brothers know about how mother treated me. Why be in denial.? Last 10-15 years we got along fairly well. There's just too much bitterness. I know I should let go now that she's gone. It's not that easy. Can anybody relate to this? How do you cope with it?

Got call from youngest brother. Seems like my mother will die shortly. She's 94. Looks as if I'll never get closure as to why she behaved toward me. I know my brothers won't want to discuss. I plan to attend funeral<BR>but they can speak. What can I say? I don't want to lie.<BR>She had many friends. Let them speak up. Relationship was different with them. They'd never believe what I went through. She managed to convince them how terrible I was.<BR>I just don't know how I'll feel. She'd been quite nice in later years and before I was 10. There's so much I wish she'd confess. There's never a good reason to scapegoat anyone. I know there were other ways to cope with family problems. Before I was born, she was a social worker. Why couldn't she apply that to us? Can't ask father. He's been dead 18 1/2<BR>years. He often couldn't see real problem or didn't want to. Think he sided with mother as an easy way out. Also I think he depended on her and was afraid of consequences if he spoke up. Why couldn't he see how hurtful she was? I felt betrayed. <BR>I'm afraid that once she's gone, we'll all go our separate ways. Any ideas or suggestions?

He certainly could learn to control behavior. He managed to do it in school and in extra-curricular activities. It was mainly with the 2 of us he was aggressive.<br />
T-Syndrome can make boys more aggreessive but not unmanageable. He's not physically abusive now<br />
but at times is verbally abusive and temperamental. Maybe if my parents disciplined him more and stuck to it<br />
he might've changed earlier knowing what type of consequences would occur.

It sounds like you went through a very hard childhood, and its ramifications haven't stopped. I hope that someone with more experience in this area can tell you about their experiences. I just wanted to express my sympathy towards you and what you had to go through.