I Am Extremely Disorganized, Messy, Lazy And Frustrated!

I am not a hoarder, I have absolutely no problem throwing things away. Unfortunately, I think I am just lazy :( I am a hard worker at my job, have good relationships, but for some reason cannot seem to keep a clean house. I will get it cleaned, love it, but when I get home from work or even on the weekends all I want to do is watch t.v., sleep, play with my critters, etc. Anything but clean. I will say I am not home a lot on the weekends, but still no excuse. I am just fed up and really want to change this. I dont let anyone come into my house and coming home just puts me in a bad mood. Plus I have really bad allergies, and bad housekeeping with pets does not help at all. I will make goals for myself, lists, everything they say to do. But apparently I just dont have the drive to accomplish anything when it comes to my house. We also have bought a very old house that needs a lot of work, and I have no clue where to start. Actually I do have an idea, but seen to get overwhelmed when I think about trying to start. All of the other things that need done come to mind. I am not sure how to do it. We dont have the extra funds to hire someone to do the work that needs to be done to this house and I am so embarrassed that I wont let anyone come to help me out anyway. My husband is just as messy as I, which doesnt help. But at least know he doesnt hate me for it! We will make a plan and just never follow through. We are wanting to start a family, but I ended up saying "not yet" because I cant have a baby and live in this house the way it is. I have watched Hoarders, and no, its no where near that bad. But it is still horrible and gross. I am a psych major, so I know that just saying I want to change wont work, I have to make goals and follow through. One step at a time. Its so much easier said then done. In a counselor/professional way, I know what I need to do, but personally have no clue. That is why I have joined this group. To have someone else to talk with about the frustrations of being a lazy, horrible housekeeper.
ens1313 ens1313
17 Responses Jan 24, 2011

WOW you completely described me....I am a single mom pysch major that works 3 jobs and attempts to have a life. My home is ALWAYS disorganized. IT IS UTTERLY FRUSTRATING. I work 7 days a week and after homework, whatever sport practice, or piano lesson, dinner, and spending time with my son I am exhausted. I can not afford a maid to come every week or even every other week and honestly I do not want one...I want to learn to have a tidy home and keep it that way. Its depressing especially when I go over family/friends and there homes look amazing. I don't know where to start and its overwhelming. Don't get me wrong we always have clean clothes, great personal hygiene, and I clean the kitchen on a regular bases its just the dusting and mopping and scrubbing and corners and wiping down the rest of the house etc etc that I can not keep up with. I get motivated and then life happens and I become inconsistent. My son helps a lot but with sports and school he can only do so much. I dislike being inconsistent. Not really sure where to start but I know loathing and self pity wont help. I guess it helps knowing I'm not the only one but I need to change the bad habits that lead to having such a messy disorganized home.

I know this is an old thread but the book: The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by marie kondo has actually changed my entire outlook on keeping a neat house. Read the entire thing, which should be easy enough since it is a short and concise book. And follow her directions. She talks sincerely about cleaning in a way that prevents rebound messiness. In my opinion it is groundbreaking and fantastically simple. She insists on following her direction about how to go about cleaning. She says to always begin by sorting one category of items at a time thoroughly by spreading everything in the floor. She insists that you must pick each item up one at a time and determine if what you hold "brings you absolute joy" If it doesn't toss it or give it away. And only after you go through everything should you begin to focus on organization. It is time consuming but I have found it to be cathartic and efficient. I was shocked by how many belongings I had that were adding to mess that I didn't even see or know about. I am sure everyone has experienced this. But seriously, Get THE BOOK, sit down with a beverage in your mess and just read it. Then dedicate free-time to go through the process.

You have expressed how I feel exactly. I am a highly payed professional who has her act together at work but am a wreck in my own home. I ask myself am I just not cut out to keep a neat and tidy home or is it because I give everything I have at the office and there is nothing left for home?

Wow!!! I thought I was alone in this... I'm 24 years old and recently started planning my life for real this time. Trying to go to school and working I wasn't even serious enough to do that until last year ..the only diffrence between us is that you can get help in your country. I have no idea if I'm bi polar or I have ADD. I'm from Nigerian in west africa and we don't even have doctors to treat or prescribe drugs for us to help, if that is the case.. In my country it is extreamly important for a woman to be clean. My brother who is almost as messy as me insulted me yesterday by telling me how messy I was. He feels he can get away with being meesy cause he is a "man" loool. I felt really hurt that's why I came to this site... I'm judged by everyone I know because the way I am. And it has become sooo lonely for me.. I can't keep a relationship cause I am a messy person. It has affected my life in sooo many ways especially living here. I am very hardworking when its comes to my job...but very dis organised when it comes to my life... When I'm in my messy apartment, I don't see the mess cause I smoke a lot of weed. In africa everything is much harder cause I don't have anyone to talk to that give me just advice without judgeing me. My dream is to one day leave this place and find a home in a much freer and better eviroment. I know that will help me a lot (emotionally). But now I'm stuck here in hell!!! A second hand citizen in my own country (just cause I try to be a stron woman)people here think being a woman is being weak even women here think like that. I can't even talk to my own mother or a family member about any of my weaknesses because they don't wanna understand you.they are just good at pointing fingers. Trust me guys it could be worst for any of you, you could be me! I already think u are all lucky to even be born where u are born.I'm not saying because you are all born outside africa, you shouldn't have emmotional problems. Just think that it could be worst maybe that will motivate you enough to clean up.

Dear lord have mercy, I think you're me. I'm 25, pregnant and I think I'm going insane. When I tell people about my problem they automatically assume I was one of those kids who's parents cleaned for them, WRONG. I grew up in a very clean environment, however my room stayed messy until I myself cleaned it... And I did! I'm going to start by saying this: I would honestly rather throw away then clean and organize which is not a good trait. My husband is very messy however refuses to throw anything away and his idea of cleaning is half assed putting things in corners. When I do clean its like angels peed on my house. It smells amazing and looks amazing but let me tell you, that happens maybe once every couple of motnths. This problem had gotten to me big time. Psychologically. I feel worn out, tired, unmotivated and pissed that my house is disgusting. NO one come sober and it bothers me if someone even asks to come to my porch. Idk what to do. I'm at my wits end, but I cannot live like this when my baby gets here. I will tell you this, last year I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and was put on medication. Wow. Was I a different person. My house was clean I had energy and I was so smiley. Then I decided to ween myself off of it because I am a total anti pill living human (which was stupid of me) and now I'm worse then ever.

omg I cant relate to this..i always keep my house super clean . is not easy having a family that make mess everywhere but I cant live in a messy dirty place . first u should start by cleaning ur floor that will give u energy to keep cleaning all the house ,,u should organize at the same time u clean,

well that works for me . do the kitchen and then the living room and bathrooms..when u star looking at the results u don't want to stop till your done! at the end u will have a clean smelling good house..you will feel relax and happy with ur house! after ur done put some cranberries and cinnamon to boil and let the steam go all over ur clean
house..it smells wonderfully:) have fun!


Hello there, Ms. Extremely Disorganized, Messy, Lazy & Frustrated.<br />
<br />
Very glad to meet you, our names are the same, however, mine is somewhat longer; add to mine - Procrastinator with a capital P! I am 61 years old, and have spent my life looking for the solution to this dilemma. Only to realize that just per chance, I was mis-naming myself: my name should've been: So Blessed, So Loved and So Fortunate, (but most of the time) So Unmotivated. It took losing my amazing husband 3 years ago to make me realize that I'd spent way too much precious time worrying about my messy silly self. My husband & I had 8 terrific children, each one a blessing that I did not deserve, but thanks to God, He saw passed my messy, silly self to bestow on me the greatest gifts ever, my beautiful husband & children.<br />
<br />
God bless you dear,<br />
Your friend, <br />
Cut from the same cloth

Hi when I read your post I was reading ME. I never reached out but went to google and found this support network. Like you I have a totally disorganized house and I'm too embarassed to have anyone over hence lonliness and isolation. I take days off from work and say "I'm going to start working on the house". I get distracted, lazy but mostly overwhelmed. I don't know where to start. i also am not a hoarder. but one of the problems is there is no space in this house (closet space or extra rooms, no garage, etc.) to put things. I also don't have the extra cash to hire someone to help me, I don't know what's wrong with me. I get depressed that I live in this environment and can't seem to do anything about it. What is wrong with me and what do I do? I don't have anyone to help me feel alone and hopeless with my situation.

More space won't help. Been there done that...makes it worse.

hi im a little late but i am the exact same way, some days i clean hardcore and after a week im a mess. i wish i had the motivation like some to just be clean. agh

Oh my gosh, I am not alone. I tried the Fly Lady baby steps because that seems like a program that would actually help me. But I don't have the discipline to follow through the steps, no matter how easy! I always feel like if I could start over with a clean room then I will keep it that way. But when I have gone through the stressful, humiliating experience of a trusted person cleaning and organizing the room. It inevitably ends up being a trash heap, again! And then I don't have nice environment to come home to. It really messes with me head.

I am the exact same way! Except, I am currently pregnant, so I have even less energy to do things. I don't have a job right now, but am trying to get one and am a hard worker, but not when it comes to housework! I agree with others who are saying they have to "be in the mood" to clean or organize! I enjoy and feel most comfortable in a clean and ESPECIALLY organized house. But, I have the most horrible time actually getting myself to DO anything about the mess around me! And unfortunately, my boyfriend is not as messy as I am, and the longer my messy habits persist, the more crap he gives me about not keeping the house clean, and in turn just makes me feel worse and worse... Which I feel SHOULD give me some motivation to do something about it, but it hardly ever does! When I DO finally get in the mood to clean, I don't stop until at least two rooms are presentable, or I do a whole-house basic pick-up. But then my motivation (and lately, energy) runs out and I'm done... For like 2 weeks! I'm only 19, and have been this way with cleaning my whole life, even though my mom tried her very best to instill in me the importance of keeping a tidy living space, I have just never "had the stomach for it," as I think of it. Not that cleaning makes me sick, just that I can't stand doing it haha:P

I feel the same as chayuky, I could have signed my name as well. I would sleep or garden than clean or put things away. I really have to be in the mood to organize.

I guess you could say I'm a messy person, but it depends what you think is messy!<br />
I like it when things are clean but it takes me a while to want to actually clean something!!!

ens1313-------you could have just signed my name instead of yours under ur article,its me. You just described me and i am so happy that there are othere just like me because having a messy house is a struggle of my life, im 34, and is im totally embarrassed about it. <br />
I have spent hours discussing this with my therapist, i have made SOME progress but always go back to what i was. This is particular difficult because i am a very 'put together' person. I look nice and neat outside. Moreoever, I am an extremely clean and organized person. If i want to i can clean it like nobody else. Usually if i expect someone (that is, if i had no choice but to have the visit, or my landlort ect) i start cleaning very fast and my house looks clean again.<br />
My ex used to take pictures of the mess and then use it against me in court.....totally embarrassin....truth is, im embarrassed even from myself.<br />
Im glad i found you guys.im still not sure if this is a forum, a sopport group or just random articles, i will find out soon. But the reason i got here is because i recently joined a great health support group (called MDJUNCTION) and i thought to myself : geee, i wish i had a support group for being so messy....embarrassin...so here you are, and here i am...<br />
Would love to hear your thoughts as well...

I don't know if you can automatically assume a diagnosis. I am the same except it impacts on my relationship(even though he was messy when i met him) I have useful tools at messies anonymous and at the Flylady. good luck. I think taking little steps helps. I just need a little more encouragement at the moment.

OK....WOW....let me tell you....that was me...EXACTLY! Believe it or not you are ADD.....Inattentive ADD....google it...then go to a psych doc that can write you a presc<x>ription for concerta. My life is awesome now. i actually get those things on the "list" done. I have energy to play with my dogs AND clean up and enjoy seeing a clean house now. GO GET A DIAGNOSIS! For years, doctors prescirbed me depression meds. did me no good. My present psych doc said, "Undiagnosed ADD will MAKE you depressed." DO IT!

I googled... thank you for leading me to understand about this ADD. Someone in EP also lead me to google on burn-out.

I do have to admit that when I was on concerta and focalin during nursing school, it did help. Trileptal has helped with my mood so it's not such an emotional experiences to just see the mess. I didn't start taking Trileptal for the messy apartment. I started because of the terrible mood swings and unstable relationships.

I would love some feedback, positive and negative welcome. Ideas and criticisms are much needed, thank you