Missing My Marine, Worried And Confused

I met my marine almost four years ago, just about 3 weeks after he enlisted. At the time we fell in love fast, it even made him question if he wanted to be sworn in. Of course, I would have given anything to change it but I've supported him 100% through it all. This has been the most difficult 3.5 years of my life. He's stationed at Camp Pendelton in CA. So its been a long distance relationship. Last year he found out he would be deployed to Afghanistan. It changed everything for us. We began talking more often. He just came home in Sept. and he wanted to work through our past. I wanted to move on from it, but I'm glad we did talk about things. Since, then we've been so close and so honest. As soon as he got back to base, he called and asked me to fly to see him so we could spend his last weekend in the staes together. It was magical. We said our good-byes the night before he left. He told me he didnt want me to wait on him because he didnt know if he'd be coming home. It broke my heart. Of course, I'd wait an eternity for him. He is the man I love, the only man. we've kept in touch for the last 2 months. We had been emailing and sending pics at least once a week. I never pressured him for anything more. I want him to focus on getting home safe, not worrying about what I need from him. But the last 3 weeks things have changed. I haven't heard from him via email. I send a weekly email, no response. He did try to call last Mon. of course, I missed it. I was heart-broken. I cried all night. He said he'd try to call the next day. That was just over a week ago. I'm worried for him, but also concerned that maybe he can't do the "relationship" anymore. It's the hardest thing just not knowing.

Anybody know anything about how often they can keep in contact or what could prevent him from emailing? I have a few friends from the military and through their experience they said he could be really busy but at some point he should have been able to write.

You have to understand, no matter what I will always love and support him. I always have, even through some really bad times. I just need to start preparing my heart and mind for the worst I guess. I would love to talk to any girls going through similar situations. No one here at home seems to understand.
ari201 ari201
26-30, F
4 Responses Dec 6, 2010

the journal really does help. its an outlet and a way to pour out my emotions and not to him. <br />
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he's supposed to be home summer of 11. i can't wait. i want to hug him kiss him squeeze him and not let go. i just want to feel his realness ha if that makes sense. i am a little nervous too. some crazy things go on over there and i'm afraid for him. i don't want anything to change my babe. but its inevitable just dealing with the change becomes the new issue.<br />
thinking about the "what ifs" does make everything worse. even at the worst and he has changed his mind about our relationship, worrying about its not going to make him call me or change is opinion for that matter. i just take it day by day and look forward to the day i do talk to him.<br />
i feel like this deployment is a test of my will, strength, and how much i really love him. with all the self doubt in our relationship and not hearing from him and considering out past, i've had moments where i was like, why are you doing this? why are you putting yourself through all this for the unknown? in the end, i love him more than i've ever loved anyone. i would do anything for him. he used to tell me he didn't want me to wait because he didn't know how long he'd be around. just before this deployment i finally had the nerve to confront this comment. i said " i want you to know that i would have rather spent the last 3 years giving you my love and risk losing you tomorrow than to have never had the chance to love you" i think he finally got that i'm not going anywhere. <br />
all we can do is keep expressing how much we love them, want them, need them, and support them.

Hmm, the journal thing sounds like something I want to try....<br />
Thank you for your advice, it is pretty helpful hearing from people going through the same thing as me for some reason. Another piece of insight I gained from reading a girls story about her man on deployment is that you should stop worrying about "what if's" because those just cause more stress over a situation you cannot control. I don't know, I found that helpful as it was something new to me. Why come up with "what if's" when it is beyond your control?<br />
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The journal advice sounds neat though and is for sure something I will try(:<br />
How long has your marine been on deployment and when is he returning? Oh man, I bet the day he returns you will be so ecstatic. I cannot help but believe that my boyfriends leaving is a test in our relationship and I feel that when he returns it will mark the beginning of our lives together in the way that after we get through this, I know our relationship can withstand anything!<br />

thanks for the support. i think i was spoiled the first few weeks because he was able to keep in contact so often. however i did just join a site called military sos. you should check it out. through this so many women who do have deployment experience gave me advice and reassurance. i realized that he could just be in a location that he doesn't have access. in the back of my mind i knew this, but its hard not to have doubt considering our past and how much pressure he's under right now. that's just from a relationship point of view, i have to keep myself from thinking about the danger he's in everyday. its such a confusing time for both of us. just keep it in mind, that when your love does get deployed, he needs your confidence and support more than anything. i've kept a journal lately. i jot down all my insecurities as if i were talking to him. it really helps. its just something to consider.

Hello Girly<3<br />
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I must say your story gave me goosebumps. Like you I also think a support system like talking to other militaty girlfriends would be helpful which is why I Googled it today and came across your story. <br />
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I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and I love him so very much. He is stationed at the same ba<x>se as your boyfriend, I wonder if our men might have crossed paths at one time(: Although I have yet to experience him leaving for Afghanistan, he is leaving in a month. Every day with him makes me sad as I think to myself, "one more day closer to his leaving..."<br />
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Regarding your question about why you haven't heard from your boyfriend, my bf told me that sometimes letters are prevented from being sent out because the enemy sometimes gain access to the mail which makes it dangerous to be sending and receiving letters. My boyfriend told me he would write every week but he reassured me that if he misses a few weeks in a row that may be the reason.<br />
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I hope you hear from your love soon. Stay strong.