Nite BabeI wake up every morning and check my phone looking for a text message or hoping I didn't miss a random call. There's normally nothing. I go through my day working in a daycare practically on my own with nine screaming kids but I try to stay positive about it. The whole day I keep my phone in my hand or back pocket so I can feel the vibration. Its on loud but sometimes I miss the three beeps. Every time my phone vibrates my heart leaps from my chest but I brace myself before looking trying not to get excited because it probably wont be him. I unlock my phone. Look and see it wasn't him and even though I didn't excite myself Im still let down. I go through the rest of my day and still with my phone in hand. I try not to take naps cause I don't want to miss a text or call but I always fall to exhaustion. I wake up from my 3 hour nap check my phone and still nothing. I get up clean my room and the house, eat watch TV and check my facebook. Phone still in hand and still nothing from him. By nine I try to get ready for bed. Im in California and he is in Virginia so even though he is 3 hrs ahead of me and in bed, my heart cant help but hope Ill get something. Ten o'clock rolls by, eleven and then twelve, still nothing. By now im so lonely and lost I can't help but cry until I am out of tears. My mind races about all the possible reasons why I didn't hear from him and they are always negative reasons. By one o'clock in the morning four o'clock his time I get up the courage to leave him a text message (cause thats when he wakes up) just saying, Good Morning Babe, Hope you have a great day, Love you.
The next day I go through the same routine and.............and still Nothing. Im so sad I cant listen to music or watch TV cause I will more than likely just cry from the things I see that remind me of him. My family doesn't really understand so I have to hide my tears or go isolate myself until Im cool again. Sometimes I go outside cause Im truly alone to breathe and cry if I have to. Its just peaceful. I tell myself to chill and its not that big a deal, he is busy and its ONLY AIT. My mind gets it but my heart wont. Ive never loved someone like I do him, Ive never longed and wanted someone so bad that you just feel completely lost and worried when you didn't hear from them........My mind starts to wander on all the possibilities of why we didn't talk. Especially when im on Facebook and see some of the other significant others post about how they talked to their men and it hits me HARD. I cant help but wonder why I don't have as many happy moments as them. Don't get me wrong I do have my moments and I love them and Im honestly happy for them but I just wish their posts were mines if that makes since. But then I have to kick myself and remind myself of a few things. First off he doesn't have his computer, he's BUSY WORKING. He cant always contact me and he could be exhausted from the day he had. I also remember something he told me "This is what Im doin 4 both of us...it was just 4 my future but there are other factors in my life. I love you babe, don't ever forget that." So I remember those things, that this is the life I agreed to as long as we are together because I LOVE HIM and that I can make it through this. Surprisingly that helps me through the rest of the day and I sleep better.
Then the next day rolls around. Its a rough day with the kids and im worn out with them and being stuck at home. After work I lay down and try to not think about my phone or him with little success. Im about to drift off when my phone vibrates and beeps 3 times. My heart jumps and I almost ignore it but my heart wont let me. I grab my phone, unlock it and go to my messages. New Message from Roderick Giles. *Sigh* I turn my phone over and fall asleep. Wake up hours later, clean eat, take a shower, log into facebook and experience project to check a few things.
In no mood for much and I get in bed. Pray and think about him until I almost drift off. Then my phone vibrates and beeps three times. I roll over grab my phone, unlock it, and go to my messages. New Message from Demetrius Perry. My heart almost jumps through my chest. I sit up open the message and all it says is Nite babe. I actually become SO happy, maybe tear up a little and then reply Nite babe, I love you. I send it, lock my phone, plug it up to the charger roll over and fall asleep with a smile on my face.
I love you PFC Perry and I hope you always remember that.