Dear Civilian Girl

"Dear civilian girl,

You complain that your boyfriend has worked late all week and have barely seen him.

-I look forward to the two weeks a year we spend together.

You complain because he doesn't call you enough.

-My heart is thankful for the 15 second phone call I got last Tuesday in the middle of the night!

You whine to your friends about how much you miss him already because he is on a two day trip with his parents.

-I won't see him for another 10 months!

You don't feel like making love tonight because you are too tired.

-We will stay up all night because we don't know when it will be the last time.

Your boyfriend belongs to you.

-Mine belongs to the government.

Your boyfriend is training for his game next weekend.

-My boyfriend is trained to kill.

It's just not practical for you to drive an hour to see him every weekend during school.

-He spends $700 dollars on a plane ticket just to see me 2 days!

You hate hanging up the phone when talking to him.

-My heart breaks because I won't talk to him for another 10 days.

You complain that he doesn't take enough time out of his life for you.

-My man has to get up in the middle of the night to talk with me because of the time difference. He doesn't complain.

Your man is in a bad mood from not sleeping much this week.

-My man ran 10 miles this morning at 4 in the morning and has a full day of
work ahead of him. He's lucky if he gets a few hours of sleep!

Your boyfriend can call in sick when he is tired or not feeling well.

-My man works no matter what!

You don't trust him so you follow him places to see if he is telling the truth.

-I have no choice but to trust him and even then I trust him with my life.

You don't like him talking so sexually with his friends.

-My boyfriend has to chant it in drills.

You check your phone, see you missed a call from him, and decide to call him back when you aren't so busy.

-I see a missed a call and cry, because I don't know when he can call again.

You might save a cute voice message from him.

-I save them all b/c it helps me to remember what his voice sounds like.

Being apart for a month to you seems daunting.

-A month apart for me is a wish that can't come true.

You wouldn't change schools to be close to him.

-I have to move to another country to be with him.

You have every part of him memorized.

-I study pictures so I don't forget what he looks like.

You take your time together for granted.

-We don't!

Your cell phone bill was high this month from talking too much.

-He pays 20 cents a minute to call me… when he CAN call.

You love that fancy necklace he bought you

-I refuse to take his dog tags off, and not a day goes by that I don't have them on...

You say you miss him.

-Times that by 20."
AFWife318 AFWife318
18-21, F
28 Responses Nov 17, 2011

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thank you for posting this! I hate when girls just don't understand!

Life is what we make it, discrediting another's trial and tribulations is completely unfair. To put it into perspective I have been married to a military man for 11 years he missed the both of our children. Over one quarter of my entire marriage my husband has not been here; for that reason I should just dis-credit your emotions in this blog? No! Separation hurts it doesn't matter if it is for two days or for one year if it is real to the person experiencing it is real enough for all of us. The military lifestyle is not one for everyone but for those of us who have survived this long we give this advice Live life to the most in all aspects because at least for us we really do not know if it will be the last time we see them. Keep it real though, real mil wife's shouldn't be saying these types of things. I would prefer to think of us as a proud bunch of women if you do join our ranks hold your head high because without us at home the mission would never succeed.. But just like our men it is Unbecoming to brag or cry! We chose it we live it end of story!

My boyfriend is going to the Korean Military for 2 years in 2 weeks. I am not coping at all

So true.

You all make me want to cry it's so sad x I don't understand how you do this you must miss them so much I wouldn't be able to do it x doesn't it bother you though that they are out there killing people sometimes? I'm honestly not having a go, I've just always wondered.

Well my husband doesnt kill people. There are of course some men that have to but not mine. My husband drives vehicles, on our base he drives cars, buses, tractor trailer trucks, forklifts, ect. It would bother me if he did have to shoot and kill people. He killed a bug a few nights ago in our bedroom and i yelled at him lol. I told him he should of took it outside instead of killing it. It isnt easy but i treasure my time with him whether it be a phone call, a video chat, a text, or him in person. Right now he is home but he leaves in a few months for a deployment. Im terrified but we will get through it because we have to.

Oh okay x I just know I couldn't take it if I was with someone who was a killer :p bugs or otherwise :p I respect you for holding it together I wod be a wreck x

This made me cry so hard. Not just because I can relate to a lot of it but because I don't even have it as bad as others. I am lucky. My boyfriend is in South Korea right now and can call me regularly. At previous trainings I only heard from him every week or so which still isn't that bad. I feel kind of guilty for being such a wimp about a year tour in S Korea while other women barely speak to their men through deployments to Afghanistan/Iraq. My boyfriend served in Iraq before we met. We only have a year left and then he's out for good. I don't know if I could be strong enough to be a life time army gf/wife. Two years of this and I'm exhausted.

Its been a little over a year for us and I don't have it as bad as others either, but its never easy for any of us. We are married and stationed in North Dakota with our two dogs. We recently bought a new vehicle and things just seemed to be going perfect. Well now we found out that he will be deploying at the end of this year I don't know where or for how long, its scary though.

Sometimes it seems like other couples have it easier or harder depending on how often they can speak/see each other. But really it is hard for all of us. Periods of not speaking are terrible and speaking constantly but longing to just jump through the computer screen and hold him are hard in different ways. Even when my mans home just the fear of him leaving again can make it hard to enjoy the precious few weeks together. We were together for almost a solid year before he left the first time. We met while he was in a year and a half long school where I started college. I had zero experience with the military. But we moved in together after a couple months and have been together for almost two years now. The month leading up to him leaving the first time I picked fights with him because I was just so anxious about saying good bye. The second time (and current) he left things went much smoother. But it came as a shock that he was going anywhere at all because we were told he would be getting picked up by an office close to where we lived. And stay in our area until his contract was up. We only got a weeks notice before he left for korea. I packed all of his things the night before we drove to the airport. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I don't think any of us do. But when they come home and you get that magical first hug (especially if they tear up) its all worth it.

I feel lucky that we got months notice. I would be a mess if we got only a few days or weeks notice. Im just terrified being 1200 miles away from my family, very little friends here having to work got to school and take care of 2 dogs and a cat. Just thinking about doing everything alone is stressful

This made me cry... It's so hard finding someone who understands. Last night I was woken up at 330 am only to talk for a few minutes and god knows when I'll speak to him again. Dealing with deployment is so tough .. Girls don't know how good they have it

Im facing my first deployment soon and it is tough.

Aww okay. Don't worry you're strong! Be very positive, and he will be able to contact you so it's not as bad as it seems. I can tell you have the right mentality, it's their job that they chose and love, and we love them so we pull through for them. Everything will be okay

Yeah Im trying, I just found out a few days ago so ive been a mess. Having someone stay with me while hes gone would be amazing but everyone has lives ya know? lol

Oh wow yeah when I found out I couldn't stop crying. But it's gotten better.. Love overcomes!

1 More Response

Dear air force wife,
You chose your husband and knew what you were getting yourself into. No one forced you to be with a serviceman. By all means, continue to pat yourselves on the back and tell the world how great you all are. Fighting these fake wars, invading countries and killing innocent people. Kudos to you and all you military wives! Every time I hear one of you gloat about how tough you have it, makes me lose all respect for you. Poor you, I mean really no one has it nearly as tough as you do. Us "civialians" are clearly not as good as you are. Grow up, enough already

Does your husband get sent to different countries for who knows how long? Do you have to raise kids and take care of animals by yourself? Do you have to do everything around the house plus go to school plus work 2 jobs all ALONE? No we don't know what we are getting ourselves in to. All we know is that this is their dream and we love them so we stand by their side. You civilians are clueless granted not every where that they get sent is a red zone but you never know. No matter where they are and for how long they are gone we worry about their safety and we are still alone every day, every night for months on end.

That is really uncalled for. Seriously. You have NO IDEA what we go through. My boyfriend is going to be deployed right after christmas and I'm going to be lucky to get to see him before then. Will you get to see YOUR significant other for the holidays??? And I don't think any one of us knows truely what we are getting ourselves into unless we've been in the military ourselves. But we stay by their side because WE LOVE OUR SOLDIERS. You know, its my boyfriend and every other lady's significant other on this page, that is out there in God only knows what part of the world protecting us and our way of life, and protecting you. but what do they get? Some butthurt kid stuck in an adult's body. If you have no respect for us, why did you get on this page? I mean, it seems to anger you, so why??? YOU are the one that needs to grow up.

Wow. You put it everything i was feeling into words and not just words but beautiful sentences. Thank you.
My Sailor just arrived at A school yesterday. I haven't seen him for 2 1/2 months. And i got my first phone call wednesday night (holloween). I know that I haven't been through as much as some of the other military girlfriends but it is still so frustrating to have girls in my college classes tell me that they are so sad because they havent talked to their boyfriend in a few days. One girl even said i few hours. It took all my will power not to freak out on her.
I dont know what is going to happen in the future, but I know that I love my Sailor more than anything and anyone else. I will do everything I can make it work.

This is absolutely amazing & always how I felt. Everytime I missed a call from my man while deployed was awful. I would literally break down & cry & theres the civilian girls who get to call them right back & talk for hours us Military gals dont have that option. We cry it out but the next morning we get up, brush our shoulders off & start a new day becuase thats all we have. Thanks for this I wish civilian girls could see this!!!

So powerful & true!!! We don't take our time for granted nor lightly....

Im awaiting my phone call;!

I teared up. Love this.

I absolutely LOVE this! It made me tear up. I hear so many girls complaining about missing their boyfriends when they are only gone several hours. Then when they do get time with them. They take it for granted. This is awesome. I'm glad you posted it! It's hard as hell being a military girlfriend. And I have learned a patience, respect and understanding I never thought was out there! I raise my glass proudly to all those military girlfriends out there who stand by there soldiers and stay strong for them! :)..

I loved this! I work for a home-care company and I barley get to see my boyfriend. And we live with each other. So yeah I'm one of those girls that complain about not having enough time with him. But now he is joining the army. Just reading this breaks my heart. But its something I'm gonna have to go through too. I hope these girlfriend support groups help! I'm a first timer..

:( so true! I used to get woken up at about 3 o'clock in the morning once a week while he was on deployment. I have saved every voicemail as well. My roomate has been my bestfriend all my life but she still has the occasional slip-up on complaining that she wont see her boyfriend till Saturday or that he calls & texts her too much.

I fear that I will soon know that feeling you all feel.... My man is going to be away for half a year. That may not seem like a long time to some of you, but to me, since I see him every day... Will be unbearable. We are going to try, in the time leading up to his departure, spend days, and then weeks apart, so it won't be AS hard. I don't know what I'll do without him, but, I'm really going to need a few helping hands during that time. I know one day we'll take our relationship to the next step, but, for now, I'm very happy, and I try not to take him for granted.

I went from seeing my boyfriend everyday, us living together.. to nothing. After 6 months of living together and spending every waking moment together he left for BMT and we had no communication other than letters. He was gone for 11 weeks before I saw him again. We got to be together for a week then he left again for another 3 months and then we finally got married. The morning after getting married he left for North Dakota and I left for Pennsylvania. We didnt see one another for another 2 months. Then we finally got to be together! It took a lot, it was very hard but we made it. We have been living together as a married couple for 2 months now and It was sooooooo worth it :) You will be okay!

Wow :/ I'm just glad I'm not the only one.

yeah you arent, but you will be okay :)

He told me yesterday morning that he cheated on me, multiple times. And that he just didn't feel the same anymore. I, about a month ago, cheated on him. It was a momentary loss of brainstem activity. That is the biggest regret of my life and I don't think I will ever forgive myself. I loved him with all my heart, and still do. He was honestly the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He agreed to try our relationship again, only to find out he was leading me on. He said he never wanted to see me cry or be sad anymore. So he told me what he thought would make me happy. He said he missed the single life. Being carefree with no rules or obligations. He had never gotten over what I did, but, that doesn't give him the right to treat me like he did... Everything is all up in the air right now, I just miss him so much. Being hurt would be an understatement. I don't know what I'm going to do. This is going to take a very long time... :'( I can't eat or sleep, and he refuses to see me or talk to me on the phone. He broke up with me and told me what he did by text. This is just so.. I don't understand.

How could you go weeks apart when you know you'll wont see him for half a year?

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THIS PUT ME IN TEARS ITS SO TRUE.. My Airman comes home today and will be home for two months then leaves again.

That is great!!! Im excited for you lol :)

I absolutely LOVE this! Other girls will never understand how true this is.

:'( this is so true...I can't wait till that next phone call

Wonderful and so true

This is amazing! It tells exactly how it is. I hate listening to girls complain that their boyfriend hasn't texted them back in 2 minutes when I refuse to go anywhere that doesn't have service, and I always have my phone with me just in case he can call. I have received one voice mail from him because I was working on a machine and missed his call. i cried for days because I didn't know when the next time I would hear from him would be.

And there's absolutely no way that anyone can tell us we're jerks for saying the truth. A girl was complaining the same way about her boyfriend who she "misses" after not seeing him for two days, but two days later she says she wants to take a few days off from seeing him cause "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I slapped her right across the face. I'm glad you wrote this.

This is so true in every way. You have successfully put my frustrations into words.

I LOVE THIS <3 Its soooo TRUE. I hate hearing my friends say they miss their boyfriends. They REALLY dont know what its like to MISS their boyfriends.

it says you save a voice mail from him lol I had saved my first voicemail from him for weeks then one day we fought and I thought I was going to to break up with him so I deleted the voicemail and a bunch of pictures...needless to say, I totally regret doing that cuz we did fix things like 2 days later lol but I LOVE THIS!!

omg so true. we go through so much. people who aren't dating someone in the military/ army/ navy/ marines, should not complain.