Dating Military While In College

I am a senior, and I'm planning on going to college in the fall, quite possibly on the complete opposite coast of the country. My boyfriend is in the military, and we want to stay together more than anything in the world. I'm so afraid adding me going to college to all the worrying about him is going to tear us apart, and I don't know what to do.
elkksoccer008 elkksoccer008
18-21, F
9 Responses Feb 12, 2012

I'm not exactly a girlfriend of someone in the military, in fact I'm going to be on the other side of this. I'm most likely going to be an active duty sailor and I wanted to know if it's even possible for a relationship to still keep going. My main concern is about my girlfriend, who's going to college soon, and if she's going to be able to handle the entire thing. As it is today, her and I don't see eachother very much and I miss her like crazy all the time. All I really want to know is what she's going to be going through if I join.

I have started a support page for all military girlfriends and wives. Most people from this site are on there, it's much easier to communicate and show support with each other on there. Check them out, I am also looking for a few new admins to help out :)<br />
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Just know that if you love each other you'll work it out! My man and I have been dating since the beginning of my sophomore year of college and now I'm a senior. We've been through trainings and deployments and we are still together. But we are also in the same town most of the time besides trainings and deployments. Just make the best decision for you and if he loves you he'll support it!

I can speak in experience to this, I am a freshman in college my boyfriend is in the army and yes its hard but if i learned anything my boyfriend is my supporter and im his. I see it as a test, if we can make it through this then we can make it through anything. remember keep in contact have an open communication and every thing will be alright. plus nowdays we have so many ways to talk to each other, and plus he will have leave time and you will have breaks. so if ya'll have time together now don't take it for granted, and even when you do see him it will feel so amazing just to be with him again. he will support you going to college just like you support him being in the military.

Long distance relationships bring out what is truly meant to be. It makes the weak break and the strong survive.

If you love him enough, you guys will make it through anything.

My boyfriend and I tried to stay together when I went off to college...he stayed back at home and i went 14 hours away. We started fighting a lot (which we NEVER did before) and ended up breaking up. He joined the Army 3mos after we split and we reconnected this summer. That time apart helped us discover who we are as individuals and helped us both to realize that we cannot be without the other.<br />
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Do not worry about it now, if it's meant to be, it will happen!!

That's great you guys back together. I keep trying to stick to that quote, if you love something let it go. If it comes back its yours. If it doesnt, then it was never meant to be to start with. So like he should let me go to college and I should be ok with him deploying or wherever he needs to be. But its really scary...was there anything you guys think you couldv done to not fight so much and make it work a little better?

A lot of our fighting had to do with where we were in our lives. We were litterally going in different directions; I am in school in SD and he was back home in Michigan, I had a job, classes, and had just joined a sorority...he was at home, sleeping till noon and playing guitar all the time, no job, no car, no motivation. I think that if he had put a little more effort into his life or I had been a little more accepting, we wouldn't have fought so much.

We also had a really hard time communicating, we would often go for weeks without talking...for no reason.

So I would suggest, keeping communication open. When Jeff went to basic we wrote letters to keep our communication, at AIT he would text me at least "I love you, babe" every day, and now we talk on the phone once a week or so.

I hope this helps!

I'm so scared of this, too. I won't be on a different coast, but I'll be on the opposite end of the coast.<br />
He's in Afghan right now, so I'm waiting till he gets home to talk about it...<br />
But I have a feeling that if they're being honest(my boyfriend and yours too) about how they feel then we can all pull through, right? :)

I'm glad I'm not the only one. it's not easy when your freinds dont get it. all my friends are staying instate on the east coast, and none of them know anyone in the military, and i just feel like im the only one, and hes all i have to talk to about it, which isnt always easy, cause hes scared too. How are you dealing with deployment? that must be hard having him miss your senior year.

Yeah. My friends don't understand AT ALL. In fact one of them today asked why I don't just go visit him. Lol.
And yeah, it's hard-- but it was a lot harder at first. After I realized that we would be together forever though, it helped s lot more. This is just a bump in the road, and so long as we stay strong for them and keep our heads up, they'll be happy with us and stick it out for us. I totally understand what you mean about it being hard to talk to them about it. But when I do bring it up K kind of brushes it aside with a comment like "So when we get married..." or something like that. Haha. He tries to be reassuring, even though he knows how tough it'll be. It still doesn't really help, though, because it's not an outlet if he doesn't talk through it.

Omg, EXACTLY. Thats like exactly what hes like. he like doesn't really want to talk about it at all, cause we both get upset, and we never end the conversation, cause he just says "marry me now" or something. I mean I love it, but I at least want to talk about how we can try and make it work as best we can, like with if we're gonna skype and call each other. Its also hard, cause I didnt have to deal with him going to basic...all I've had to deal with is him going to drill and then 2 weeks in march for mortar schooling, which is hard, but I know its the easy stuff. When we first started dating, i mean almost right away he took me to a drill weekend with families and I had no idea what was going on, and all he said was "these are the people you'll talk to if I go anywhere", and I had absolutely no idea what that meant. How long have you been dating your guy in since hes been enlisted? Are you kinda used to it?

Weelllllll. The strange thing about K and I is that we met three years ago, but I had a boyfriend. Then K joined up, thinking I'd found "the one" and all(boy, was I wrong..) and PCS'd to N.C. and we quit talking. Then I broke up with my boyfriend and we started talking again...only for me to find out that he was in love with me, and I was in love with him...But he was ALSO dating someone. Months passed and he asked me to move in with him. I was 17 still and I couldn't leave till my birthday, but he would have dropped cheyanne the second I told him I was on my way. So, I made plans for my plane ticket on my birthday in september, but he told me two days before that he was leaving to go somewhere. I asked where and he said "Afghanistan", and I just sort of sat there for a minute. Then I replied calmly "I'm waiting. How long will you be gone?" He told me six months and the entire conversation was kind of like a dream. I know he's in the air force and so a lot of people don't think it's dangerous, but come on. It's afghanistan. Anyway, so then after he got settled in afghan and found that they had internet, he asked me out and we've been quite happy ever since. He comes home in about 6 weeks. So I guess we've been going out for about as long as you and your man.

He said that the fact that I volunteered to wait for him kind of sealed the deal, in his eyes. "You chose me. Out of everyone, you chose me, and any boy would be lucky to have that." So, I guess that's what I mean when I say if they're being honest, they'll stay. I'm sure you can understand how scared I am that he's just saying that, since we only started dating after he was deployed...But, it's something I'm getting past. :)

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I think you'll be fine, as long as you stay committed to him. Because I knew a girl that was with her bf for so long(ex now) and he left for boot and she went off to a university and started to realize what the real college life was like and now they're not together cause she couldn't handle it. How long have you been dating him?

We've only been together 5 months, but it feels like 5 years. I'm committed to giving it everything I've got, and so is he, but he's also trying to go active duty and get a deployment around the time I leave, and I'm scared of not being able to go through it without talking to him and worrying about him...and I'm afraid of having exactly what happened to you're friend happen to us.

I think you'll be fine if you're planning to stay committed. She just couldn't handle it. Basically, she was strong enough lol. If you're a strong girl, you'll be fine. Trust me. I'm very strong and i'm doing just fine. I mean as long as you 2 love each other, you'll be totally fine! My boyfriend is gonna do active duty. And of course go through a deployment. I'm going to stay by his side through everything. You have a ton of people in the military family that will be behind you 100%! (: School will keep you busy though. That's what helps keep me busy 70% of the time or more. Plus work keeps me busy the othe 20% lol. Plus friends. By the time he leaves, you'll be dating for almost a year or so. So, you will definitely be fine. Just support him no matter what. But think about it before making a decision. Just don't go through with boot camp and cheat on him during it or something cause that happens a lot. I honestly think you'll be fine though! :D does your family and friends support you?

Wasn't strong enough* lol

My family just tells me to trust my heart and do what I want, and my friends have no idea. Theyr staying in the state for school and are not dating in the military. Hes been through basic, and his girlfriend then cheated on him, so hes really sensitive, which worries me too. I know I can handle it, I'm more scared hes gonna freak out. But I'm gonna go for it. thank you so much...this helps alot. How long have you been dating your guy while in school?

Oh lol. Wow, sometimes I misread things or read too fast lol. Well if you love him then go for it! (: Yeah, most friends won't know if they're not dating someone in the military. One of my friend's still wasn't there for me and she's dating someone in the military. She's going to move in a few days to be with him -_- so whatever lol. Yeah, I know how that works with the whole cheating things. I've never cheated or anything, but the stuff i've heard from people I know. Mostly girls are the ones cheating. Some guys, but I hear more about girls. I think he'll be fine. You just have to prove to him over time (: I think he'll be fine as time goes on. Of course he'll be scared cause of his past experience, but he'll get over it. My boyfriend had trust issues for so long cause of past experiences(not just with girlfriends), but I stuck it out and we're stronger than ever! (: You'll do fine, though! As long you don't do anything stupid at college, you'll be fine lol. Well, we dated a while before he left. As of today, it's been 2 years and 7 months that we've been dating! :D

Thats true I always hear about girls cheating too. And I know it seems to hurt military boys a lot more, because they are the most loyal boys iv ever been with or met. Iv never cheated either, and I sure never will. Thanks for the encouragement :) Sticking through it just seems to be the only thing you can do. Time makes you stronger right?

Yeah. It sucks. I mean most of them are loyal, but there are a few who are douche bags lol. But for the most part they are. Don't listen to anyone who says they all cheat cause that's not true. Yes, there are a few, but not all! (: Well good (: cheating is never the way to go. In the end, the person will get screwed over that cheats lol. I've never cheated and never will because I just don't see the point in it. Especially the people who do it and try to hide it. Makes me so mad lol. And no problem! Anytime. I'm free to talk if you'd ever like! Just send me a message (: And yes, for the most part it does make you stronger. It also depends on the person, too. Like space and time always makes my love grow stronger cause when you're never away from the person you don't really know how to feel lol. If you're always with them, you'll never have time to think and stuff ha. But for some people, it makes them weaker and breaks them down. But, for the stronger people, it builds them up and makes them even stronger! (: Be smart though when you go to college. Not talking about what you do lol. But, when you're dating a military person, most/some tend to stop thinking about themselves and worry only about their significant other. Yeah, it's really good to think about the, but you need to think about yourself also. Follow your dreams. So, it's kinda like a 50/50. Ya know? Cause he would want you to finish college, get a career, and all that other stuff. So, don't drop everything and change your whole life around for him. And please, DO NOT forget about your friends and family because they are the ones who are there for you, also. But, you'll be just fine (: cause I can tell you really love him! And true love can break through anything! :D

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