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Ugh, Some Military Wives....

Please know that I am not intending for this to be a rant about all military wives, I just recently had a bad experience and wish to share my frustration to get it off my chest.

Most military wives I have encountered have been very respectful and open to talking with girlfriends and fiancés, but this weekend I had my first encounter with a disrespectful military wife who had that “I’m better than you” attitude. I just cannot get over how rude this woman was! Anyway, I saw a post on a support group on Facebook titled “What NOT to Say to a Military S/O.”

This woman was not the person who posted the note but had the nerve to comment on it saying that the post was “intended for military WIVES, not girlfriends of the month.” She also implied that because we don’t have rings on our fingers that we aren’t important. She told me to go get a ring and a DEERs form and then I can talk about how difficult it is to love a military man….like we don’t go through the same rollercoaster of emotions that wives do!

I was just appalled by how ignorant this woman was. Seriously, who does she think she is to say that wives are better than girlfriends? She obviously forgot that she was not always married, she too was a girlfriend at one point and how would she feel then if someone had said those things to her?

I truly apologize if I have offended anyone, this woman just really got on my nerves. She knows nothing about my relationship and yet had the nerve to say all those things and think that no military girlfriends are capable of having a long, loving, faithful relationship.
I have the upmost respect for military wives and I hope to be one someday but please, take a step back and think before you say something. Remember that you too were a military girlfriend and have a little respect for those of us who are faithful to our men while they are away. :)
AXiLove AXiLove 22-25, F 14 Responses Feb 27, 2012

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Aw that is sad because most of the wives and girlfriends are going through the same thing. Maybe she is angry that she can't just leave him like girlfriends can leave (because they are not legally married). There is plenty of support for military girlfriends among other girlfriends. Some wives act this way because they get entitlements and benefits like travel tickets, TriCare, and moving rights (PCS etc). I met a girl who had a fiancee in the military and they still treated her that way.

amen sister

If anything we love a hell of a lot harder and million times stronger because we don't legally have the right to anything. I'll be damned if a ring on a finger means any woman loves their man more than I love mine. It just means they can live on base with them. Keep your head up girl, but not up your *** like some peoples.

I don't know about that now. Just because you're not entitled to any "benefits"(as they call them....The bureaucratic hassle to actually USE them is a nightmare) doesn't mean that you love your man any more than a wife does. :/ Like, I get it, you're clinging to the love you have with your man because nothing is certain and you're not really getting anything out of it, but like you said....All a ring means is that you get to live on base with him. I know a lot of wives whose feelings would be hurt by an accusation like "If anything we love a hell of a lot harder and million times stronger because we don't legally have the right to anything."

Not trying to offend, of course. Just telling you how I feel about this.

Ha well I hope the relationship does turn to a marriage because that is a situation that is hard. Uncertainty is very hard in any relationship especially a military one.

I didn't mean it the way you took it, I simply meant that in this case just because that woman was married doesn't mean she's any better in that relationship than I am in mine, wasn't bagging on anybody just my opinion

Oh, mkay. I can understand that, for sure.
I think a lot of this hostility between wives and GFs would be solved with a little more understanding on both sides. But that's the same with any conflict. :P Good luck with your SO! :)

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As a military wife(as of now...Haha!) I'd like to mention that my experience from being a fiancee(albeit living with her man) to being a wife hasn't changed a bit. It's annoying when I see wives post this stuff because it's like "Okay, so you don't have to stop at the visitor's office to get a base pass every time your husband drags you on base for something. Good for you!" Haha. Like, you'd be surprised at how NOT PRIVILEGED wives actually are. Unless dear hubby(aka, our sponsor for all intents and purposes) signs basically EVERYTHING, we can't do a single thing. We can't inquire about pay, we can't update our deers, we can't enroll ourselves into tricare, we can't....Well, the list goes on and on. The only real difference I can think of is that we're held to the same standards they are: we're expected to follow them to random locations around the world, we're expected to get medically cleared to do so....We're expected to be respectful of his superiors....Etc. I'm just glad I don't have to do PT. ;)

she's the type of wive that probably tries and pulls her husbands rank on other wives and guys. people like that end up having issues with their marriage and then self's. i've seen it around most the time its girls from smaller towns who never really fit in and were bullied, so they fill the need to belittle other wives and girlfirends, don't let her ruin your day people like that never go places in life.

Both positions are important. I guess a gf means sometimes more to a man than a wife. Cause they really appreciate it that they're going through it. Girlfriends could run away without any problems but wives would have to stay. Okay sounds weird but I hope you know what I mean. :D

I'd be pissed if someone said that to me!! Like you said, we all started out as girlfriends at some point. And we go through the exact some thing regardless if we have a ring or not!!! I dated my man for 3 years, then got engaged (aka: a ring on my finger) and I still have the exact same emotions. A ring doesn't change a thing as far as that's concerned. Kudos for you to posting this. Thank you!!!!!!

HA! sorry just letting you know it doesn't get much better with "military" wives once you are married. A lot of them are crazy, just try and find the normal ones if you can. I have been a military girlfriend / wife for about 9 years. I have never been to a "wives function" nor do I intend to. I will say though that I have some very good friends who are also military wives that I have met through various other aspects of my life that do not involve the military, at the gym, at school, through my work, etc. The wives who make their life revolve around their husbands military career are usually the bitter ones who forget they too were a girlfriend at one point, either that or they found one of the suckers that knocked them up and married them immediately and they weren't a girlfriend for long anyway so they have no idea what its like....

Dont let the words of one person bring you down and get all upset. Stop having contact with her.

well Said my dear ")

The woman in question obviously isn't very intelligent; a wife must "start off" as a girlfriend. A girl wouldn't go out with a soldier if she didn't want commitment; it's too damn hard otherwise, why would anyone half-heartedly wait for a soldier? Your dedication to your soldier is no different to hers.

So true! I'm not married to my military man but I have keys to his house, I take care of his dogs while heys over seas, I make sure bills are paid and I'm carrying his child. I pretty sure anyone who does that is qualified. It's hard to love a miltary man no matter if you're married or not. We all worry, we all wait, we all feel the pain of missing the person we love so much. I think it's rude of that woman to assume she's privilaged or earned a higher rank because she's got a piece of metal around her finger. Darling, from one military girlfriend to another, we are all in this together. We are all feeling lonely at nights without our loved ones with us and I truely believe we are all suppose to help one another throught these hard times. Deployment gets the better of me every day. I'm lucky I have some people to turn to. We all need it....especially from those who know what we are going through.

Something I don't think this ignorant woman realises is that most of us girlfriends are very dedicated and not just around for the week, I thank God everyday for brining my man into my life but I also pray that he stays in my life. The wives have the security of having that ring on their finger, they know that at the end of the day their man will always come home to them. I'm not saying that our boyfriends aren't going to stay faithful or want to come home to us, just that it's not automatic. I'm reminded of this everytime I go to post, since i'm not married to my boyfriend i have to wait outside of the gates until he can come get in the car with me and we can go onto anywhere on post. It never ceases to amaze and dumbfound me everytime I encounter a wife like the one you describe, who believes that we don't sacrifice as much, can't possibly understand what she goes through, whenever I meet one of these women I always ask her "If, God forbid, your husband was killed in the line of duty, they would notify you right? Well imagine if instead, you had to wait and hope that his mother thinks to call you and let you know what's going on, that you don't have the guarantee of finding out if he's ok until you get that phone call or letter, but even after that you know that if could be days or even weeks before you would find out if he were hurt or worst of all, dead. That's what it's like to be a military girlfriend, so please, remember that you were once here too, realize that i have the utmost respect for you and all i ask is the same in return"

Tell it, girl. >:{ That woman needs to get herself straightened out.