So Much Harder This Time

I just recently came home from Hawaii after visiting my boyfriend. It was the most amazing 9 days of my life and made me extremely anxious for when we can finally be together every day. Whlie I was with him, we discussed getting married and my moving out there for the rest of his time before his ETS from the Army, but we ultimately decided it would be best to wait. Our families are both very traditional in their views of marriage and living together and wouldn't be too happy about an elopement or me just living out there with him until his ETS. But I can't help it...I want to be with him NOW! I want to start our life together...I don't want to wait any longer. I've waited 5 years to be with him and we are finally happy, so why wait?

I can't help but think that we made the wrong choice by waiting....it's weird though, because about 2 years ago we had the same conversation before he deployed and I was so afraid of the concept that I ended up breaking up with him. How could my views turn completely around in 2 years?!

Anyway, I'm now back home...without him...and I am miserable. I miss him so much that it hurts! I can't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time because he isn't right next to me, holding me. I don't get to wake up next to him anymore. This sucks! We hung out with his a bunch of his buddies while I was there and most of them are married, they all told me that we should just get married and I should stay out there. Their situations made me so jealous; they get to hang out with their husbands every day after work, they get to sleep with them at night, and wake up to their kisses every day. I want that too!! Ugh, I just don't know what to do...

Sorry I rambled so much, I just needed somewhere to vent my feelings...thanks for listening!!
AXiLove AXiLove
22-25, F
1 Response May 25, 2012

Then why wait?? This is the 21st century... and traditions have changed... but you have to know that this is what you want and that you can stand by your man through the hard times... not breakup because he's deploying... these are the times that our men need us the most...

Thanks for the encouragement! It's nice to know someone is on my side :)

Just for the record, not trying tj sound defensive but we didn't break up beacuse he was deploying, we broke up because he kept pushing me to get married and I wasn't ready. Unfortunately, now that I'm ready, he wants to wait :/ I have no doubt in my mind that I will be forever faithful and always stand by him, I just wish I could do it now from his side instead of 4,000 miles away, you know?

Yea I hear ya... hope my man and i will get to that point... we're going through a deployment... but our relationship is also fairly new... just hope that when he comes back he realizes that i waited for him and everything... ugh... guys take forever!!!