Now...

Hey everyone,
As some of you may know my sailor and I haven't had the easiest road ever, as I'm sure none of us really have. I wouldn't say i'm a newbie but i'm def not a vet to the military life. I just need some advice on this situation.

I just recently found out that while my sailor and I weren't quite back together after the few months we spent broke up he slept with another girl that was in A school with him.

I'm not quite sure what to make of it just yet, but it was technically before him and I got back together, but at the same time we talked almost every single day. Therefore I feel like he should have at least felt obligated to tell me. I know why he probably didn't because he didn't wanna hurt me or he just simply didn't want me to know, which is what I don't understand, because we weren't together and i'm really forgiving. I don't hold what he did against him, but I feel like he should have told me when it happened seeing as how we talked almost everyday and that way i wouldn't have had to wait over a year to find out about it..

When I did confront him about it he didn't lie to me, but he also didn't give me any details at all. He also just recently moved out of the barracks while stationed in Hawaii, and although he's never given me a reason to doubt him before, i feel like i'm starting to now, and I hate that feeling.

Sometimes I feel like were slipping apart, and each time I talk to him he assures me that were not. Everything feels just as amazing as always, and i'm not sure if its just the time difference and the crazy schedule he works, but i feel like we hardly talk any more and i just need help on what to do..

Do i press for details or do i leave it alone?
Do i trust him or could there really be something going on here?

He's never made me feel anything but loved and amazing, I've never doubted him before but something is making me doubt him now. As much as I want to believe him, I have a bad feeling he's not telling me something..

Thank you. :)
Ally
AllyMarie3 AllyMarie3
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 17, 2012

The girl's not based with him in Hawaii is she? If she's not I'd say don't press for details, it sounds like she was a one time thing a while ago and there's nothing good that would come out of getting worked up about something that's in the past by dredging up details. That being said I think that it's important for you to bring it up if it's upsetting you, sometime when the two of you are together so you don't keep it all in.

If it makes you feel any better I had a similar thing happen when my bf and I broke up about a year and a half ago. We were apart for about 2 months, during which time I went to Mardi Gras with my friends and I was in SUCH good behavior. We talked the whole time I was there so it really really upset me when I found out a few months later that while I was gone he hooked up with another girl. We were absolutely broken up but it still hurts. But we did talk about it and deal with the pain and frustration when i found out ( like with you he didn't lie, just omitted) and now over a year later we're living together and we've never been stronger. Hope this helps, sorry for the long comment!

i wouldnt press for more details.. when can u next see him ? i would try and see what its like then.. but if u cant forgive it whether thats him not telling u or just him sleeping with the girl then cut it short before he gets deployed or before both your feelings get stronger.

I agree, it's not only your insecurities that are making you doubt...but also his behavior. If he's never done anything to hurt your relationship while together then there is some reassurance there. He was single at the time, and I can tell you right now it probably didn't mean anything because he was (and I know this sucks) still stuck on you. A man's gonna do what a mans gonna do. however in my personal opinion, if he wanted you so bad and loved you that much and was certain on getting back together....then he didn't need to get laid. All I know is that once you make a decision you must stick with it. So if you fix things and continue on then you can't hold a grudge. If you're going to get over it, talk about it and ALL OF It, and move on.