Sleepless Realizations

Right now, I have the most amazing man I've met sleeping beside me. I should be passed out in his arms but instead I have a million thoughts racing through my mind refusing to allow me to sleep. 
Moments ago while laying next to John I came to the realization that I love this man. I don't know what I would do without him. He's always there for me no matter what, whether I need help with something or just need to talk. He's the only person that I can spend all the time in the world with and not feel like I'm missing out on anything. 
I'm trying so hard to enjoy all the time we have together but in the back of my mind I know there are only a couple months until he has to leave again. The frustrating part is not knowing how long or how far he's going to go. Depending on how things go he'll either be going off to dive school in Florida for a short five weeks(*fingers crossed*), or off on another deployment at the end of January. I'm hoping it's going to be dive school because I know he wants it badly and I'll be able to go visit him for a week while he's there but we have to wait until he takes his test to find out. 
I'm constantly reading stories on here about how so many girls boyfriends break up with them before leaving "so they don't hurt them" and with every deployment that worry grows stronger that John will say the same to me. While I know he wouldn't do so because of conversations we've had, it still worries me. But once again, our relationship just goes stronger each time we are away from each other. 
Well John and I are going to the gym at 0800 so I should probably go force myself into sleeping. Or try to anyways... Thanks for once again listening to my late night rambling <3
PaigeMarie PaigeMarie
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 2, 2012

Paige - just a slightly different perspective after spending 21 years in the Army and far too many combat deployments.

As 'giving' as some may say (breaking up before deploying to spare the girl hurt), it's a load of crap. They break up before deployments out of absolute fear.

I've seen soldiers (and I'll bet the same occurs in his service) get 'that' letter in the middle of some s**t-hole - grimy, having no sleep, having more often than not shot at, etc... and those kinds of letters can crush and destroy, so much so that you have to wonder if the girl at home knows the degree of utter pain she created.

Those of us, and others who don't get 'that' letter see something like that and feel nothing but absolute fear as this once combat-strong, toughest of guys simply disintegrates before our eyes.

The reason I say this, is if he ever does try to 'spare' you prior to a deployment - realize its crap and he is probably dreadfully fearful of the kind of "Dear John" destruction he's witnessed - the key is going to be convincing him that you're not going to be writing 'that' letter - that you're stronger than that, etc.... You'll both continue to come out the far side stronger.

Good luck!

this is so spot on, besides my man, i have a friend in the army and he told me such horror stories of these 'dear john' letters, i wouldn't be able to do it it's so selfish and cruel...mine had a real phobia of commitment before we got together part of it was that alot of women with military guys try and change their life, not realising or wanting to realise that this is what they are, and the dreaded feaar that when they just come back off a straight 72 hour mission tired, hurt, depressed, they will get that letter, or email etc.

one thing i have noticed about the military WAGS is that the sucessful ones are the most caring and nurturing of women. I too have the same fear that out of fear it will end on his part, but all you can do is be there for him