Struggling Right Now.

Ok this is my first post on the Experience Project.
I met my marine corps sweetheart several years ago in a college history class. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met - sweet, kind, thoughtful, generous... he's a giver. We started dating over a year and a half ago and we lived together for over a year while he was waiting for an opening in TBS. At the beginning of November he left for TBS and will be there until June or July (pending any changes).

I have been very lucky because most days we can skype if only for a few minutes and he was able to come home for a few days at Thanksgiving. He'll be home for Christmas too and I know that probably won't always happen.

Some days are perfectly fine, everyone keeps telling me to keep busy and not focus on his absence... so I try. I send him letters all the time, care packages and his platoon buddies love my cookies... lol! But when I see him at night and he looks so exhausted and stressed I have a hard time keeping it together especially since I've been struggling myself with the loneliness. It's bad enough that I can't be with him physically but to watch him struggle is very tough. He's also in a lot of physical pain, they push the men so hard.

I feel so selfish and guilty because I miss him like crazy and want to tell him all the time. Is it so bad that I hate living here in this house without him? Since college I moved home and have no real friend base (no one my age in this little town). He gets frustrated with me when he can tell I'm depressed but I don't want to talk about it. I just think - how could I put that on him when he's already so stressed and tired. Unfortunately he still knows I'm upset, even if I don't say anything.

Last night we had an argument about it and I couldn't stop crying. I've never been one for crying but since he left... I've been pathetically crying all the time... I feel like I've lost something but it doesn't make sense because he's not really gone.

What do I do... there is a lifetime of this ahead of me and right now its a major struggle? I grew up in a military family so it shouldn't feel this raw but it does anyway. Does anyone have any advice?
Cyberdiva113 Cyberdiva113
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 15, 2012

I'll give you some hard advice first. Telling him how much you miss him and more specifically how hard it is being alone is not going to help you or him. It's good to say I miss you. And yet do occasionally say its hard but he already knows. My husband has seen men snap when there away from their loved one because ray are so mentally and physically exhausted and then when all they want is some release they're then bombarded with guilt. And really do you want him to be overwhelmed like that? He needs to finish on focusing training right now. There will be plenty of time to tell him how hard it was when he's finished. But sometimes we as military significant others have to suck it up and hold it in for a while.

So, you need to Make a good support system. Family, friends, coworkers etc. not necessarily to tell them how much you miss him; yes you can do that but mostly so they can keep you focused on *other* things. I always tell women if they have too much time to worry about/miss their men then donate that time to charity. Honestly. It helps.

You get used to it, I mean you never fully get used to it but you learn to cope better. You sink or swim :) and love give you strength to swim

I appreciate the solidarity. I know I just need to suck it up - because it can't help him at all to feel guilty over this. You are right about the support system too - its time to make some new friends and stop depending on him so much.

Thank you for the encouragement. I really do appreciate it.

And if you ever need someone to talk to I truly understand. Military wife of 11 years and counting, I've got some experience :)