Feel A Little Silly Hear

I have no idea where I stand with this army man and he's deployed and I feel like I'm going crazy!

We've known each other about 2.5 years. I met him right after his last deployment. He is a friend of a friend and honestly I never expected to hear from him again. We don't live in the same city and never have so not seeing each other often isn't a big deal, but we obviously don't communicate as much as we used to. I struggle with realizing how much I do like him and how very far away he is. Sometimes I want to tell him how I feel and sometimes I want to ask "do you even want to hear from me again?" But then I stop myself on both accounts because I don't want to cause any added stress/pressure.

I feel like the fact that he does communicate with me, even if it's not often, is a good sign. But it's hard when it feels so very much one sided. I send him a letter at least once a week, sometimes more, and try to avoid messaging him unless he messages me first. When I haven't heard from him in days, I find myself stalking him online just to make sure he's okay. (He'd totally make fun of me for that.)

I hate that it took him being deployed before I allowed myself to figure out my feelings and that they are so strong.

Am I crazy? Should I keep writing him? I'm so new at this deployment thing I don't want to say or do anything wrong! Any advice is much appreciated!
MaybeAnArmyGF MaybeAnArmyGF
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 15, 2013

I feel even sillier now that I realize I said hear and not here....

But I think I just spend too much time in my head analyzing and over thinking things. I have to remind myself that if he didn't want to talk to me I wouldn't hear from him or he wouldn't respond to me at all. And I have to not let my constant concern for him make think my feelings are more then they are.

I never could have imagined I'd spend so much time thinking about him and wondering if he's okay. Especially because I don't have any clue if we're more then just god friends. This is so hard and there's still so much time before he comes back. :(

I'm a total follow your heart type of person. When I met my man we didn't get a lot of time together cause he got called for training. I was so bummed cause we lost contact for a month when that happened. He finally got ahold of me and we'd talk almost daily and everything just took off from there, now I'm totally head over heals for him but he's not here sadly. He's deployed and I'm honestly glad I listened to my heart I've never been happier