Advice anyone?

Every military wife or gf I come across is so strong, so loyal, so self sacrificing.  I don't think I have what it takes!  I feel guilty when thoughts of not wanting to stand by him cross my mind.  I don't even have it that bad. In the 3 and a half years we've been together he has never been deployed out of the country and  even the few times he has left the state for various classes or bomb or border crises he's never been gone longer than a week or two.  What is slowly killing me is that he fully intends to be a lifer and I know he can never guarantee me a stable life.  I will never be able to sustain normal relationships or a career.  I recently went back to Cali after following him and living in Miami for two years.  I feel I really gave it a whole hearted effort.  I was sooo homesick.  I feel like a stranger now to my once close family and friends.  Now I don't know where I belong.  I miss him but hate the moving and the lack of "roots".  I also hate that I gave up my life to live his and he will still not marry me.  At the very least I believe I deserve that, don't I?  Now we are in limbo trying to do the long distance thing.  I keep thinking it would be so much easier to find someone who wants to stay in one place and put a ring on my finger.  Even if he would agree to attempt to be re-stationed here he is probably looking at another 2 years before that could happen.  If it did he'd then be on a boat 6 months out of the year.  I think I could deal with the boat if I had my friends and family but he wants to travel and I just don't think it any more fair for me to ask him to give up that dream then for him to ask me to give up mine.  I just don't think I can wait that long.  I don't sleep.  The pit in my stomach won't go away.  I cry all the time and am so angry!  If I don't end it soon or find some kinds of resolution I will lose it.

talifrog talifrog
4 Responses Aug 19, 2008

I agree completely with TasiaMarie. She knows what she's talking about. Military women HAVE to learn to cheerish the time they have with their men (even when they don't get to see them nearly enough). Also, when we're missing our man in uniform, we must think about how lucky we are to have someone so amazing to miss. It takes a lot but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe that if you truly love him and decide that this is what you want, you WILL find the strength you're looking for. Either way, I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you. Like the girls have said, you truly need to follow your heart with this one. Good luck and best wishes!

The reason that all of the Military Gfs you come across are so strong is because thats what is required. We have to be strong for our men, because they are being strong for us. The postion they are in can not allow for weak or winny girls. Its hard, we dont have the same life that other women out there have. We cant spend 24/7 with our man, or talk to him whenever we want. All we can do is charish the moments we do have with them, and stay strong inbetween. If you are having doubts then maybe this isnt the life for you. Thats not a bad thing, and doesnt make you anyless of a person. Maybe a nice civillan man is what would make you happy. Thats ok. Just do what your heart is going to tell you. <br />
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if you truely love him you will find a way to be with him and be happy, getting into any type of military relationship you have to be understanding in that you will have to spend time apart, but when he comes home from being gone for so long it makes all the waiting worthwhile i can promise you that, and i agree with her above me, follow your heart. it wont lie to you

Everything is gonna work out. It always does. Whatever you, do just follow your heart.