Is It Real?

So I guess I should start off by saying that I grew up with Paul.  We were childhood friends, we even dated at some point in our youth..... We fell out of touch for years, until a few months ago.  He found me on Facebook and sent me an instant message.... I remembered him immediately and was so excited to hear from him.  He had made a big impression on me when we were kids and I was so happy to have him back in contact.  I found out that he was in Iraq and that he had been there several times.  He is on his 3rd and final (i hope) tour.  It started off friendly, just remembering old times, us as kids, and then gradually it became more.  I cant explain how or why but it did.  I started to miss it when I didnt get an email or chat with him.  Eventually he started calling, and then before I knew it, we liked each other.

He came home on R  &  R for two weeks.  Of those two weeks we spent 10 days together.  I have a job and missed a lot of work, to spend all the time I could with him.  I met his whole family whom I adore, and the feeling is mutual.  They are loving and amazing.  He drank a lot while on R & R but still wanted to be with me almost every night.  He was sweet, kissed me every time he left a room, held my hand in public, met my family, went for drives together.... We talked about us a little bit and how we were uncertain what to do.... Because he is going to be out in 7 months and he's coming home.  We don't want our relationship to end but at the same time we are afraid to label it and lose it while he is gone.  I am not seeing other people, and neither is he.  He is the only one I want to be with... But omg.  I had no idea how hard this really is......   Its even harder bc we haven't been together for a year or 3 months or even 2 months.... we had two weeks and now we are hanging on to it bc we don't want to lose each other or what could be when he comes home...

It can be so confusing in the beginning.  You miss him, so the smart thing to do is to keep yourself busy and try not to think about him.  But the thing is, you want to think about him bc you want to remember every sweet word he said, every freckle on his face, the color of his eyes and most importantly that burning you feel when you are with him.  Its so scary to push it to the back of your mind, because feeling the pain of missing him somehow feels better than feeling nothing at all.  And you irrationally worry about whether he is thinking about you too, and missing you the way you are missing him.  You incessantly worry about his safety, and where his is at that moment.  Its pure hell.  Paul just left a month ago on Friday.  .  I miss him so much but I have realized that to stay sane, I have to stop thinking about him so much.  I will always be there and his calls will make my heart skip a beat but being consumed isnt ok.  And plus, he doesnt need anymore on his shoulders.  He doesnt need to know that I am a wreck..... UGh I was so not ready for this.....

Is the way I am feeling normal?  How am I supposed to be?
sittingwaitinwishin sittingwaitinwishin
22-25, F
6 Responses Feb 16, 2010

hey ive been readin your experiences..well the first one i read was when you were havin an insecure day and that tottaly rude person didnt make it any i think your honey cares about you very much..and its hard to b out ther all by themselves..not literally .but just not with you..but just let him know how you feel..if you havnt alredy..and ask him how he feels and all that..communication is soo important at this time..anyway then i read this experience..well let me introduce myself im goint to b 20 s00n and so is my honey..he just left for his first deployment on the 19th..of this month..i miss him liike crazy..just wanted to talk to sumone whos honey is gone also..kay tak care..message me if you need anythnn<br />

It's nice to know someone else feels the same way. ha. <br />
My boyfriend left for marines basic training about 2 months ago, and it's really hard to deal with. I love him and i want to try to make this work. I'm just confused on what to do and worried on how we could make it work. Next year I'm going across the country for college, so I have no idea what that will do to our relationship. All we can really do though is just see how it goes. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck!

Thanks Elizabeth, I was trying to message you, I am still new to this. Whats your story?

Thanks for the advice. I guess in a way you always keep your options open. It isnt that I dont know how he feels, bc I do and I know its strong. What I have huge doubts about is that those feelings will stay as strong and as vibrant as they were. Its like the bricks are there but the mortar that holds those bricks together, which is time spent together, is missing. I guess just knowing that the bricks are there and that its only 6 more months.... I just have to have faith. I cant even imagine what he must be feeling. He must fear the same thing. And he is the one coming home, re-adjusting and starting a whole new life in 6 months. I just have to stay strong. But thats why I joiined this chat. It really does help. I dont feel as bad.

wow u and paul sound just like me and steven we were childhood friends and dated at one point and now we are back together and happier than ever i love him so much and yes its normal you cant help how you feel

Haha I am definitely not one to say what is normal, but I do not think you are being irrational. You really like the guy.. and I'm sure us ladies all know how u feel. When you said you try to push everything to the back of your mind so you don't drive yourself crazy, I try to do that all the time. I think if you ignore your feelings too much tho, you might explode. I know with myself I try to accept my feelings, whether they are rational or not, but then its what I do with them that is more important. It seems you know that since you guys don't seem to be in a committed relationship, and you can't contact him whenever you want.. maybe u could keep your options open, and just accept your "relationship" with him right now for what it is.