Insecure Day :( Advise Please!




Hey Ladies, I need a little reassurance and guidance today.  I am just having one of those days where I feel like I am not sure how he feels.  We have only been together 2 months.I know many of you guys have been with your guys for years and years, and that most wont be able to relate...But 2 months,  and he has been gone for a month of it.  We have never told each other that we love each other, I didnt want to rush it, and he's just never said it.  I mean I know it would have been easier to just say it, and its not that I dont feel it, its that its so new that I dont know what exactly this love means... So saying I love you is kinda out of the question.  Paul isnt very vocal, never has been, he likes to show me how he feels rather than tell me... I am the same way, problem is he cant show me while he is Iraq.  Well, maybe he does show me by how much he stays in contact, I am his principle contact and he makes sure I hear from him once a week if at all humanly possible... I am just scared that he is becoming detached.  Like yesterday was my bday, he got online to tell me happy birthday, and when I told him that I missed him last night, he said "sorry I couldnt be there".  And he also said, "seriously look if i dont say it enough thanks for everything and tell everyone i'll call them as soon as i can".  I dont know what he is thanking me for. I stay in touch with his family and visit them, and I email him all the time.  But it just felt weird to be thanked, this is what I am supposed to do, I want to do all that for him.... I tend to over analyze everything, just the way I am... I just dont know how to express how I feel, and that I need to hear things from him, like I want him to tell me he misses me (he does say it, but not every time).  And I dont want have to tell him to tell me.  I feel like I am being crazy needy. And I am not even the needy type? also like he might not realize that I need reassurance.... And our relationship is so new, we dont know exactly what to say to each other, Both of us have been hurt badly in the past.  Its not an easy situation.  Is this normal for them to become a little detached and if so, how do I deal with it? 


sittingwaitinwishin sittingwaitinwishin
22-25, F
5 Responses Feb 21, 2010

hey i have only been with my bf for 2 months and he goes out next week and im dreading it. but i think the reason your bf is saying thank you is because you are there, you show him that you care and your helping him, my bf says that just knowing im thinking of him helps him. Yes it is what a gf does but he is just showing his appreciation because you gotta be strong to do what we do. Because both of you being hurt before and it being so early maybe he is trying to protect you both by not saying the words to you just yet because he knows how hard this is gonna be for him and he can only imagine what it will do to you. Just because he isnt saying it dont mean he isnt feeling it. I think that even tho this a tough situation it only enables you both to build a more solid foundation for your relationship, i was always told if something is easy its probably not worth it. if u ever need to talk your not alone

Thanks nomomisery. Glad we got all that resolved.

and one more thing, Nomoremisery, Iraq and Afghanistan are two different wars. 9/11 was the inspiration for the war in Afghanistan. Iraq's history begins with a breach of a post war resolution to not create or attempt to create weapons of mass destruction. I will say that there were no weapons found however, they were still in breach of the treaty by not allowing UN, and US inspectors to see for themselves. Just thought you would like to know the difference between where my boyfriend is, Iraq and Afghanistan, where many other wonderful guys are fighting right now.

I do know that I can delete those comments, but I figure everyone has a right to say what they want. I feel like that person, although she asks me if it is my first boyfriend, I wonder if she has ever been in love. I doubt it. And I do think she has no place on this blog. This is for women who are dealing with situations that most cannot/do not understand. She just wanted to criticize the war. And by the way, nomoremisery, Do not insult my boyfriend, or his brothers. You might be suprized to know that my political radar swings more left of center than it does right. I am not going to talk about the merits of the wars that we are involved in, but I will tell you this, He is out there right now, fighting tor what we value and want to keep sacred. Have some respect. Have you never had an insecure day with the man you loved? Yeah. Please think before you write and realize that you may not believe in the war, but you should believe and support those who fight for us. Localize your anger in another blog, maybe an anti-war one. That way you dont insult good people who are missing their boyfriends and are actually reaching out for advice and legitimate support, not a politically motivated slap in the face.<br />
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Greenm01- I am at Loyola. First year. Whats your story ma'am? Oh and thanks for the advice I appreciate it.

If it was that easy I would. Feelings arent rational and unfortunately you can pick who you click with. And Ive never felt the way I feel about him before. Thanks for your advice anyway. But I was looking for constructive advice. Maybe someone who has been where I am now, and knows how to deal with it. By the way, I am working on my own career, I am 24 years old, in law school and I have a part time job as a legal aide. I just happen to have fallen for a Marine