I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.. :(

Everything was going great, and I finally felt like I could start to brag about us until I got this message this morning. I asked him if we were together and this is what he said. 

I dont know what to say about this ordeal. im very busy and i dont have the room in my life right now for these kinds of things. im having a difficult time sustaining the relationship in my head...it just seems weird to me-i dunno. we start our work tomorrow and its just gonna get crazier as time goes on. i apologize for the lack of communication but we are extremely busy right now. i know this is hard for you but i cant make anything easy right now...

I feel so confused and heartbroken, I have no idea what to think. I don't know where to go from here. I wrote him back with this:

 Drew, I know things are very stressful, and I know that it is difficult out there.  I want you to know that until you blatantly tell me that you don't wanna be with me anymore, I will still consider us boyfriend/girlfriend.  I know we've been through a lot in the past and we are going through a lot right now, and I know that can make it more stressful.  But you mean the world to me, and I care about you very very much.  I understand that there will be limited communication, but that's okay because I'm taking a risk, and I know you'll be worth it in the end. I am going to continue being here for you, supporting you, and continue being strong enough for the both of us.  I will fight to keep you.  Don't worry about me going out, I have no desire to date other people or be with anyone else.  I don't want to pressure you and I want you to take the time that you need. As I said I will continue to consider us together. I miss you very much, and I pray for your safety everyday.  I will do my very best to keep you from being distracted or worrying about me.  I don't want you to get upset, I just want you to know I'll be here for you, and we can do this.  We have spent our entire relationship long distance, and I know this is different, but we can make it work.   I'm thinking about you, and message me when you can. 

If anyone has any thoughts please, I'm all ears. I am so confused!

I really hope this isn't the beginning of the end. 

 





 

Runin4rmfate Runin4rmfate
26-30, F
26 Responses Mar 14, 2010

That was very inspiring! It really touches me that people care enough to hear and read my story and continue to support me. I am very shook up, but I want to stay strong for him. I told him before not to push me away because I need him just as much as he needs me. I wrote that message with my whole heart poured out and it took hours to write. I just hope that he doesn't really mean that and I hope he can see how much he means to me. I leave little comments on pictures and sent him that last message. I want to show him that I am accepting of our situation and lack of communication. I agreed and promised 7 months ago I would be here for him and when he comes home. I do not plan to back down from that. I just hope he wants me to stay put. I want to prove him wrong and stay strong for myself and him. I know he needs me and will at some point later on too. If we can make it through this, we would be untouchable between me being here through the deployment and his divorce. I hold my head high, wipe my tears away and keep moving.

Hey hun, i would be jsut as shook up as you are right now and i jsut want to let you know that you are doing the right thing i know that if my soldier was to tell me what your soldier told you id not changed anything in that letter (message) i know that you must be terribly heartbroken but if its meant to be (which it probably is) then it will work out for the better its just the differnt area and stress from his job and what ppl are sayin over there... dont take it to heart i know thats a lot to say but just put that in the back of your mind and think im gonna be here for him reguardless and then in the end he'll see just what he means to you and he will be thankful you held on longer than he thought he himself could...keep in contact with me please... we need to talk about this on messages.... hold your head high and know that YOU ARE A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND!!!! we have what it takes... we are strong when they are weak we help them push forward even when they dont realize it....

well i really appreciate the kind words. our situations are very similar. drew has moments when he says hes leaving and doesnt wanna be with me anymore, but he never actually leaves he still calls/texts, and picks up the pone when i call him. i think he is hurting and doesn't have the proper way to outlet his feelings yet. i am still holding on thinking that things will work out in the end and that he will try to fight hard. and if i have to leave i hope he comes back around and realizes what he has lost. with his ex-wife she left and he didn't chase but everytime she wanted to come back (almost for a year) he was always there and never touched/talked to or attempted to see any other woman. granted that was his wife and im only a girlfriend, but it shows his dedication. i think if he really wanted to be done with me he would have outright said that. i think he is also scared by not being able to communicate with me since we are both used to talk to each other everyday. he is a great person and i want to embrace that and let him do the same for me. he doesn't have to be emotional all the time but his actions show me what he is about. i just think for now they are lost in transition. i hope when his living quarters are built and he has an account for the phone and is able to use his personal computer, the load may lighten up some. until then I am still praying and waiting. i love him more than he or anyone will ever know. i have showed the utmost faithfulness and dedication. i just know i have to wait for him to catch on.

my guy also is very much nonemotional he hates when i cry he wont let me tell him much when he is mad and he doesnt show his feelings well he pretends he is fine when really things eat him up because he wont talk about them or let it out some way he keeps it bottled up like yours if he left he wouldnt be one to come back but since he isnt gone there is still hope because mine has threatened to leave and didnt wanna stick things out but i got him to come back as hard as it was for me to let him figure out his stuff and fight for him at the same time i had to do it and if i wouldnt have we wouldnt be together probably because at times i felt like he was to far gone and i shouldnt try anymore but he was just hurting and i had to realize that as well and not take it so personaly. i know the feeling of wanting to give up on the person but just try to give it all you can a little longer and give him his time if he reads and doesnt answer right away just wait he is probably thinking and giving it some thought and that is a good thing because that would mean he doesnt just want to say how he feels at the moment or say something he will regret later keep it up girl stay strong and keep venting as well even about other things so you can think clearly and not be so stressed you have a lot going on right now. give it time im praying for you guys.

I hope he does come around, because all this emotional disconnect has me to my limits. I just need to know one way or the other. It's not fair to be strung along. Like I said if time is needed that's fine. But his personality isn't one that really comes back around. He did it with his ex-wife but I doubt he will do that with me. It's just hard to say. I just keep praying and hoping and waiting.

Well having you guys remind me that he does care about me helps a whole lot. Sometimes I tend to think that he doesn't want me anymore or that I'm no good for him and that's why he is acting this way. I think he is trying to cover up his fear and paranoya by pushing me away. he is the type of person to not show public affection but I know if he feels something he will say it, it just takes him a while. He is much further behind with that stuff than any other normal relationship. I think that keeps my hope up a little bit too when I think about instead of his last message he could have out right said I don't want to be with you. Like I said I continue praying and hoping that he thinks to himself, hey she really is here for me and loves me. But other times I think ok, he is puhsing me away so he doesn't have to feel while he's out there, then might try to come around later. I'm not gonna deal with that stuff. My point to him is even though he is trying to push me away I'm still grabbing onto him. If he can't see it at some point, he's blind! Just keep praying and leaving the wonderful comments! Love you guys! I'll keep updating!

it sounds like you guys mean a lot to each other and it sounds like he is missing you a bunch. maybe like some of the other girls said he just needs time to think about whats going on in his life since im sure being away from you sucks for him to he isnt acting like it and not showing it but guys dont show when they hurt a lot either and i know mine trys to be all macho about being away but i know it kills him so im sure he is trying to hide hid feelings somewhat because he is trying not to make it harder on you maybe i dont him at all so i dont know how he shows emotion.

Right now I'm waiting on his response to my message. I checked today and he has not yet read it. I'm just wondering if he will be able to open up his eyes and heart to me. I was thinking about telling him that I love him too. I haven't ever come right out and admitted it but I think it might help. It hurts knowing how stressful this is on both of us. I just keep thinking about that when were together the whole world is gone, we have so much fun together and so many great times. We traveled all over california and vegas together when I visited. I just go back through all our old pictures and my saved text messages. I keep praying the day never comes when he gives up on me. I know he took a stuffed animal I bought him and all my picture views have sky rocketed, I just know he has been on there looking at them. I'm trying very hard to keep my head up and not think of negative. He always has pulled through before in the past even when we fought and I thought I was gonna break up with him. I haven't lost all hope, I'm still hanging on. As soon as he responds I'll be sure to keep updating.

Maybe you should wait for his reply from your last message and go from there? Hopefully he may have a clearer explanation of what he really does want out of this relationship. It seems he is busy trying to figure out how to handle each day as it comes, let alone everything else around him. Meanwhile, while you are waiting for his reply, try to think of POSITIVE things and try to push away all the negativity inside of you. You know what you want in life and if he can't meet you (at least) halfway, then maybe you need to think of ending the relationship yourself? BUT, if your desire is to be patient with him and support him in whatever the outcome of your relationship is with him, then it's your call. However, I wish you good luck with whatever decision you will make in the near future :) And I hope you will find great happiness in your life

I'm gonna fight until I have nothing left or he says he doesn't wanna be with me anymore

yea im sure girl but you are strong and it is awesome of you to fight so hard thats what a lot of people dont get as well is that we have to fight pretty damn hard for our men sometimes and its rough and not fun its women like you that give me strength to fight and stick with my man when the time calls for it.

I will keep everyone updated. I just am trying to decipher what he's saying and keep my sanity at the same time.

i bet thats ok though because he isnt giving you a lot to hang on to and im sure you are completely devistated right now i really hope he opens his eyes and sees that he is gonna lose a good thing if he doesnt stop pushing you away let us know what he says though

I'm still just praying and doing what I can to stay above water. I should be getting a message from in the wee hours of the morning. I'm trying not to give up but it's hard. I feel like I have lost it.

dont give up yet wait to see what he says to you and then make your decision because you might regret it later and wish that you had waited for his response i hope the best for you and i hope you can be happy at some point i cant even imagine your pain try to prove him wrong with his thinking of he is gonna get hurt again he knows that you love him hopefully he sees how hard you are fighting for him.

I don't have the will to fight anymore. I think I just need to disconnect in order to save myself. You can find me in a hole somewhere.

I see. Sorry. Well I hope that he realizes what a great girl he may be letting go. Im so sorry you are going through this. Keep your head up and know that we are here.

I do live my life, I just don't want to sit around for someone that doesn't know if they want to be with me or not. I told him when he left that I did not want to just be a pawn. He may be extremely confused and that's why I said take your time, but sometimes enough is enough. I can't pretend to be something I'm not and I can't hide that everything will be ok. He got himself into this with me and he can be man enough to end or keep fighting.

Hey girl, remember what I said. Just live your life. Life is about so much more than definitions and facebook statuses, its about how he makes you feel. Truth of the matter is, whether or not you are in a relationship, you will feel a certain way about him. Let yourself feel it. Be there for him, but do not base your entire existence on him. He is probably very confused, I know when Paul went back to Iraq after spending 2 weeks with me during R & R. He only wrote me 2 emails, only 2 sentences a piece, and I got zero phone calls in the first 3 weeks. When I did talk to him he said he had nothing to say, he was just depressed and dealing with intense feelings of anger. So its an adjustment for sure. He knows you are here for him, and knows that he can turn to you if he wants/needs to. Let him turn to you. Live your life. And even if you meet somone else, dont cheat or decieve but dont pass it up bc you are living on a hope and prayer. I think this still may very well work out for you. Just dont push, just support and most importantly, live your life :)

i think its all you can do it has to be up to him now because it wouldnt be fair to you to keep fighting for something when he wont try to hang in there and hopefully he will give you something all we can do is try ill pray for you and i hope things dont end for you and him and that things get worked out.

I'm going to try and take a nap, hopefully some of this will go away? Who knows, some days I have all the energy in the world to fight, some days I don't. I am fighting for him and I just know it's going to get harder and harder. I'm trying not to be pushy and keep the door open for him. I don't want this to be a case where things are fine and I'm doing all this and he doesn't care or appreciate it..that's what it's really seeming like now, he just doesn't care. Either way we will keep going or I will have to without. It's devastating to think about and keeps me up at night. I just keep praying a lot and hoping this rocky road will end soon. I'm slowly coming to terms with me not being good enough and he doesn't want me anymore. Guess my time is up...story of my life.

he seems closed off right now in a lot of ways because he tells you your fine then he gets confusing mine gets closed off sometimes he doesnt want to talk or tells me he isnt thinking about me and then he tells me that he wants me there with him but then says he doesnt know and its confusing i hope you get an answer that is good and i hope he will open up to you more you have been there for him through a lot and he should realize that you want this to work it seems like your trying very hard. maybe take some you time and try to relax a little if that is possible.

I appreciate it. I just need to relax or something and make a decision of some sort. I have a feeling his response to my message won't be good either.

im very sorry im sad for you because i would feel that way to if my marine was being like that i cant imagine their thinking process though how they can just close us off or out without really thinking im sure it is extremely painful for you and if theres anything i can do im here.

Thanks for the help, I will just have to see what he does from here with what I said.

hi im emily i read your other blogs it sounds like you are doing all the right things and it sounds like he is stressed and confused right now. mine isnt deployed yet but im very sad about when he goes it is close to my birthday so he wont be here for that. i cant imagine that pain.<br />
My man told me after boot camp that he wasnt sure about us he was worried about me cheating and dint like being away.and having to worry about me back home we worked it out. Your guy may be pushing you away a little bit or a lot it seems but maybe so his heart doesnt get broken and that is breaking your heart stay strong and i hope it all works out for you guys again im emily and feel free to message me if you want to talk more. Im so sorry :(