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Hatred?

I have had this feeling paining my heart today, such a painfull feeling.
Somehow, I have found myself unable to hate humans these last months, and I find it deeper and more painfull.. each time I think it, each time it falls in me... I have lost the ability to hate. Perhaps I don't have lost it, but more the fact that things one hate is things one end up recalling like a dear friend. I have been thinking a lot.
"Things that are hated are recalled...." but it's not just that, I wish to hate good things so I can recall them by that. Why do I only recall such terrible things? Why do I wish to recall humanity? It sadens me that I only can think of things I do not like, so I ended up giving up hatred. If anything, I am only disgusted by humans and have no trust in them. Hatred, such a strong feeling of mine I am no longer willing to give humans.
Somehow this feeling in me grows, such a terrible pain.
I am unable to bear it any longer, I don't wish hatred anymore. I am different, I am a Misanthrope, but still this feeling in me that will not let me go. I have long forgoten how to hate now, and I did not realize what it have taken from me. Still I will never trust a human, neither will I enjoy the sight of another human and prefer my lone ways, but I will never ever hate again. What does it solve? I have seen humans go through hatred, to much pain, so much sorrow, and people drown in that hatred. I don't wanna lose myself for something so small, for something so trival. Perhaps it sound weird, but all I find is sadness when I see people with hate. The most human emotion, hatred, I do not wish to bear it as a Misanthrope. It's to painfull to have it in me, hatred.

I will never trust a human, that is my only truth, and somehow I hope none other will bear it.
If so, use hatred on people who deserve to be recalled... peacepeople, someone kind, anything else, just not someone terrible. If only terrible history is left for people, no one will be good since only terrible people and actions will be recalled...

I have decided this is the best way. At least for me as a Misanthrope.
Barlong Barlong 22-25, F 4 Responses Dec 5, 2011

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May I say that you are a loving person,a person who has been betrayed and hurt by people who should have loved and protected you but did quite the opposite,in another story you mentioned your father,I too come from an abusive,unloving "family" families should love and comfort one another and when it does not happen,it is very confusing and you can feel a lot of anger toward them.You are afraid to love in case your love is rejected and abuse is given back to you,so you isolate yourself from people so you do not get hurt.Don't close your heart,people need you,because of your suffering you have acquired a special knowledge and understanding,you can help others,there are truly loving people out there,don't shut them out.Keep your heart open,keep the door open.Hugs and take care.

Thank you... though... I am open with people, just don't care anymore... the things I care for I never talk about to people around. My knowledge... I do try to use it to help others if I see someone in need. Like... buy food to someone poor or... tell someone to live if they feel down. Though, I have given up sharing of my own heart to others. I can't open to others, it always hurt.

What's a Misanthrope if I may ask?

Anyways, hatred can consume people like a tidal wave, hatred is a natural reaction from humans, though it's the difference to act on it or not that sets people apart from those that will drown in it.

A Misanthrope is someone which is either hating, disgusted of holds no trust in humans. One can hold all the opinions, but I simply do not trust them, and sometime it bring me to hatred. Acting might lead to worse, and drowning in it when it overflow seem a better solution, for acting on hatred might only lead to wrong decisions.

I see, I thought it was something like a Lycanthrope, sorry lol.

Well yeah, but if people act on it, they actually drown in it, whileas they don't act on it, they won't drown, as long as they have another outlet to let it out, like punching a pillow or something.

Sadly no lycanthrope.
Writing, painting, anything can let it out as long as it let them get it out, but some would turn to violence because it make them feel better, though, if one do it like that one might drown in the action of letting it out. One become more or less obsessed with what one tries, so one might forget the path which one seek.

Agreed, hatred can sometimes cause you to lose the path you've created for yourself and you might fall off, same with power, get too much and you'll fall of your path.

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Do you live in isolation? If so, how do you support yourself?

I do not live in isolation, but I do not hang much with humans around me. I support myself as long as my body does not see a reason to fail

I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying you released the hatred because it was consumming you. I find my hatred of people invigorating. Good luck to you.

No... I am just saying I do not wish to use hatred anymore on humans, or in any cas if done, that it's used on something worth recalling. I do not wish to use one of the most basic emotions a human have, one which trully make me repulsed. Why should I hate humans though I do not wish to recall them? I found I do not wish to hate, since I consider it the most human emotion. So I will contain myself to only never trusting humans and be disgusted by them and their actions. Hatred though I am not going to use.