Misanthrope

 I often wonder what spawns misanthropic emotions.  The problem definitely relates to social skills, but I don't think it has anything to do with "bad" or "good" social skills.  It's hard to put into words.

For instance, I am not one for small talk.  I would wager that most of the people posting on this subject would feel the same.  It's not that I'm not good at small talk.  Quite the contrary, I'm very good at it.  The problem is "caring" enough to do it.  And this isn't a suicidal "not caring", it's more of a rebellious thing.  Maybe it's just the company I keep at my job in particular.

I am successful at what I do, and hold a higher position in my company than most.  My problem I think is with most of the people at the top.  Superficiality doesn't begin to describe the conversations that are held daily.  Sexual innuendo and direct sexual reference infects about 80% of any conversation, and the rest is just drivel.

Now, I understand that not all conversations are meant to have a serious tone to them.  Still, is it so horrible to have a serious conversation once in a while?  Also, there is nothing wrong with sex.  I love sex.  My wife and I have as much dirty sex as we can.  Being inundated with it minute by minute however seems a bit unhealthy.  As if I don't have enough trouble keeping breasts out of my head for more than five minutes.

The fakeness of it all is what gets me.  We're all so incredibly fake.  Ignorance is bliss without a doubt, but my mind at some point became focused on this one point of daily interaction and now cannot leave it be.  I don't know how to turn that switch back off, or how to reach some new level of "enlightenment", at which point I will realize...something.  Something that allows me to look at people sans disgust.

I don't want to have this automatic "understanding", but I feel I must sacrifice some part of myself that is important to me in order to do so.  

I think in the end, I am idealistic in the sense that I wish people would think a bit more, instead of being led on fully by their primal drives.  Not an easy thing to do when you have to work, take care of the kids, pay the bills, do laundry, etc. I understand.  Still, I think we all could do with a little more time doing so, and maybe I could do with a little less.

reign99 reign99
31-35
1 Response Mar 26, 2009

i'm enjoying my solitude and being away from filthy humans. But I feel immense pressure to be like you and rise to the top. What do you think?