My Daughter Died

My little girl was only  5 1/2 months and now she is dead. 2 days before Christmas. She was born with a horrible Heart Defect that took her life. After 2 open heart surgeries and numerous complications my baby died in her Father's arms. Where was God?

He sure as hell wasn't anywhere around. He doesn't exsist. Why should a child be born just to die? A stupid Heart defect that only effects 1 in every 60,000.00. and Mine had to be the one. I watched my baby suffer every day of her life and it isn't fair. It's not right!

Wish I could have died instead of her.

Starr79 Starr79
26-30, F
3 Responses Apr 11, 2007

My daughter was also born with medical problems. I watched her suffer, fought with her, advocated for her, prayed for her.<br />
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Only our hell went on for over 3 years before she finally found peace. Eight operations in the first 12 months.<br />
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Can't say I've found peace. Even now, over 20 years later.<br />
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Angry? Hell yes. Angry at all those wonderful doctors who told me she would be fine and ignored all my pleas that she was getting worse. The one who used to patronise me and tell me "not to worry" every time I asked something or pointed at things that were not right. At the surgeon who would not belive there was a low level infection until I took in a chart of temps all plotted for him. Etc tc.<br />
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Angry at myself for not pushing harder - well, how far can one go after every pediatrician with that specialty in the state has been consulted hey? Yep - should have gone further. But what for?<br />
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Thye are born to die.<br />
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And that is a loving God? I agree. One can't find logic in that either.<br />
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If her life (and death) were mant to teach me something. i fail to see it.<br />
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I know I have intuition that is pretty much spot on. The panic attacks actually started just before she died. <br />
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Intuition. Deep down I knew - but nobody was listening..<br />
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How lonely it is. I know.

My daughter past away on May7,2008 I feel the same way. Im so angry!! I want to do something but i cant theres nothing i can do. I want to get a gun and start shooting but theres no one i can shoot..That ****** me off i have no real cause of death for my baby i really wish i had. They sd sids i say **** you to them M.Exam. My daughter deserves so much more then nothing...<BR>I ask the same question where the **** was god when my daughter died???? Why take her from me??? Did I do something that bad in life to deserve this **** sandwich??Oh so she can go to heaven and be an angel....To think like that is just mental ************ as far as im concerned ,other people need that for themselves but it doesnt help me. My baby is gone forever all i have is pictures so i can say "look" this is my dead baby. I can visit her but at a cematary ill never see her grow ..I think what would she hv looked like if she were here now? when i see other children i feel very sad ..I miss my baby too... I dont think i can live like this its too hard. Dealing with your emotions?? OMG that is such a daily challenge getting my *** up and out of this house ..All my questions down to perpose ,life ,preception it goes on and on. Im just emotionally ****** up im guilt ridden. I soooo understand you!!

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you and I can't imagine a worst loss.<br />
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That's one on the reasons why I don't believe in god, it's not possible to let these things happen....