Absurd

I am confident that self does not exist outside of the moment objectively, and for a very short time in a subjective way. (ie.a fetus,  a baby, a toddler, a teenager, a young man, a middle aged man, an old man, a corpse) these things have nothing in common outside DNA and the ambiguity of memory.

        I would consider myself an absurdist, 1) acknowleding The Truth (meaning is illusion), 2) embracing it.

                               I have a very inconsistant personality, irrationally fluctuating moods and confidence, so how i act on these beliefs change.

          when i am up, i act without thought for consequence, and prioritize things by how ridiculous they are.

            when i am stable, i live mostly in daydreams, and actively try to function within normal society, (paying bills, working hard, keeping in touch with friends), i embrace the stability because i do not have to be concerned about things like food and shelter, and my mind can wander over new territories and explore fantasies.

           when i am down, life is a chore, i watch copious amounts of television, and read books, talk to noone, live my life to intake the work of others, distract myself from my own uninteresting struggles until i find the energy to get myself stable again, if i don't get stable, i overshoot, and kamikaze into an episode of up. 

      I don't beliee in a true right or wrong. But i feel guilt and doubt strongly. The Voice of Reason is ingrained by genetics and upbringing. For everyone but the psychos. The Voice of Reason is obviously not a constant for everyone, but there are similarities because of the shared ancestry and culture.

                                                           The voice of reason is there to enslave us for the benefit of society. What is the value of society though, especially considering that people don't exist... ? so it can be ignored. the selfish drives of the subconcious (sex, revenge, power) have already been indulged by countless hedonists, nothing new there, being a slave to pleasure is still being a slave. This is why i make it my mission to live as a joke, to escape the predictable motivations. it is emotionally and physically unfullfilling to live for unnatural motivations, completely synthetic though, there is novelty, and laughter becomes something to live for. to entertain yourself. the reward of thinking. "well, nobody else is doing this, hahahaha" 

          anyways, thats how i am coping with being a nihilist. hope it helps somebody else.                                                                                                                                                                                    

grins grins
22-25, M
2 Responses Aug 5, 2010

I am like you.., " I have a very inconsistant personality, irrationally fluctuating moods and confidence, so how i act on these beliefs change."<br />
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And as somewhat of a nihilist, I too believe laughter is what holds me together. It is the only thing that seems to not need to matter, it just exists and I enjoy it.

Thanks for sharing your point of view. I know you haven't been online for a while but I don't care. I'm glad that another person perceives their existence in a similar way. In my eyes acceptance of the absurd got me away from the edge of madness(not sure if its the correct adjective) but it also let me experience it at any moment I wanted. I still have to work 40+hours a week so I can live in a nice house and drive a nice car. <br />
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It's not the philosophy that I would be asking people to consider because it can change things incredibly for the better or worse. It's always hard to write about it for some reason. Trying to explain it is even harder especially to people who find it absurd which then makes it bloody hilarious.<br />
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Take care everyone. <br />
Take care grins.