I don't understand why stepmother are confussed about how children work. Even if their "real" or "birth" mother is horrible, they show more to them on Mother's day, etc. It is because it is their mother. They want their "real" or "birth" mother to be that one. Yes, we as stepmothers want all of the joys but in time they will see who does the small things for them. Not when they are little. I have three of my own, plus an extra son. I don't like stepson, because he is my son no matter what. They start to realize what their "real" or "birth" mothers are all about when they get older and see the difference in us and them. Just smile and hold them, and love them for them not because you want something from it. My own children treat me like they don't care about me or I am their maid. Real children or stepchildren it will work out in the end. The main importance is not to make them feel like they have to do what they don't feel comfortable to do. All in do time.