I Made A Difference After YearsThirty five days of Summer school break is at long last facing it's final draw.
Five days more and back to school, and kids would be dragging their own stories on how the Summer has been to each.
And this year has been the same with all the Summer breaks we've had. Heat and more heat, not getting used to them year after year. But every year for me, for the past seven years since I have changed my job course, has brought me challenges as far as maternal role is concern.
Few years back, Summer school breaks, were a lot more different fo me. During this seasons. . . work and keeping up with the house works. . . and kids were the how priorities were lined up. The father and I have to go to work, while kids stay most at home by themselves during that more-than-month school break. Though I work from 9-3, we both have only the weekends to stay together as family.
There were times I need to work, during weekends or even Holidays. I can hardly see how my kids were doing during the day, while they have the company of their father. A person who is not so fond with children. Which always worries me and gives me deep sentiments as a mother for my own children. I have always envied fathers who are so fond of their children, children could laugh and make jokes with their fathers like two friends.
And to the extent that going to work, leaving the kids to their father's company has become a burden. Especially when after I arrive home, I could find my daughter crying in anger (yes in anger) because the father is so hard headed, he won't even try to listen to her. Won't even try to let her speak, to voice out her feelings. She was ten years old when that shameful and heartbreaking scene happened.
Which dawned on me one day, I have to see them grow myself, if I want them to grow with healthy mind. Not under the supervison of a nagger and negative father, who has most of the opportunity and chance pointing fingers at them (people) as long as it serves him good.
As I was thinking about all this, a friend has offered me a job (a change of career) and has been the way for me to think more deeper about my lost time with my children. The offer wasn't a big one, but it's a kind of work I love, and would definitely help me out with time managing as far as my children and household is concern. I took the chance, while I have the support I needed from my mentor. Struggling with time and money, and effort to finish with the demands before I could have my license.
And now, seven years since I change job, has brought me satisfaction. I have all the time with my kids every school breaks (especially long ones) and tend to their needs and don't have to leave them to their father.
And ever since then, I get to know my kids while growing. Their needs and complaints. At first, I have learnt how to tune in to their quiet hours being alone with themselves. I've learnt what they needed. I saw their eyes comparing themselves to other children. Like going out during the weekends and having fun during holidays with their parents. Or going to places where friends usually goes, and could compare the excitements and experiences with everyone when school starts. While I was brought up with by a full-time-household mother, I never thought of asking for them to take us to places. Firstly of financial reason, and secondly is that we enjoy playing outside with nature. Screaming above our lungs, enjoying laughter, being caring less of how friends are doing. We have our own secret place
to go and spend exciting Summer as kids.
As I have married and have kids of my own, I found lifestyle and raising children here is different. Parents are out almost the whole day, working.
While during holidays they spent it with their kids having good times. Travelling, going out of town. . . spending outside their homes. Making the a short memory for their family, usually spent during the school breaks.
While I thought, that giving them few things, providing good foods on the table, letting them play outside and with friends they want to hang out with, and letting them know how hard I am working for their needs were sending them the message of love, as a parent does.
Sure their father can provide this all. But I never thought that they desired me more being at home. Caring less of the house works and minute details, that's been keeping me away from their company. While I am all consumed at making the house clean and all ready for the next whole week for work and school, I never thought of seriously giving them what they really want to do, aside from finding me at home when not at work.
Realizing all these, making my heart loaded heavily with guilt, I thought I owe my kids a lot.
But thanks to God and to that friend.
I made it a point to make holidays, and weekdays and long Summer vacations memorable for them. And been doing this seven years now, and has been a yearly challenge for me. My choice of getting a new job made it so. I can be with them whenever school break is. I can take them to places, I never imagined I could if I was stucked in a kind of job that, though it gives promising salary, I could never have the chance to give them (my children) memorable experiences they can share.
I am able to give them good memories of childhood, that I never had imagined but can't afford during my own childhood. This past few years they eagerly share their fun and exciting stories with their friends. Of how they spent their holidays and school breaks, without feeling behind, or lost with the rest's of friend's stories.
As far as maternal role is concerned, I think I'm doing well this past seven years. Taking time, planning things with them and after which getting points to improve plans. With how the past Summer had been, and ofcourse considering the budgets and expenses which entails with each plans. How to make next year's school break more memorable for us, for them.
My daughter is now 14yrs old and we sometimes share few exciting places where I took them for a treat, and where she enjoyed, and also to places she isn't satisfied with. As for my son is now 10yrs old, though he's have in mind so many places to go, I am well confident that he can share with friends his own memorable Summer school breaks with everyone, though not as grand as others were. But I am confident that they're not feeling left out. And they don't need to stay at home for the rest of the school break at home. I've noticed they have so much to share since I have started to be a mother first above all life's priority, sharing time with their short span of childhood.
ladyryan 41-45, F 9 Responses 9 Aug 23, 2012