Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Am Nathaniel's Mother.

I am Nathaniel's mother. I conceived in December 2004. He was born just 6 short months later. He was born, not lost.  I gave birth to him and I gave him life. But he wasn't ready. His lungs weren't ready. He died 9 1/2 hours later, laying in my arms. I buried my son. He now lies under the oak tree with his great grandfather. No one really thinks of me as a mom, but I am Nathaniel's mother.

critterbug84 critterbug84 22-25 5 Responses Jul 3, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

Dear Nathaniels Mother<br />
I like calling u that cause thats who u are .... You are a mother and thats a fact ...the emotional bond is already made the minute he is formed in your womb... may be his brief visit to our earth could be for a reason ...think about it sometimes we just dont see it, being over whelmed by grief ...but your son might have silently .... restored a relationship ..... brought back the love...softened a cold heart ...i dont know but the possibilty is endless ..... but his brief attendance to this world was never brief at all ......it has touched u and those around u .....take heart and look forward for the day u'd meet him again .

Dear Nathaniels Mother<br />
I like calling u that cause thats who u are .... You are a mother and thats a fact ...the emotional bond is already made the minute he is formed in your womb... may be his brief visit to our earth could be for a reason ...think about it sometimes we just dont see it, being over whelmed by grief ...but your son might have silently .... restored a relationship ..... brought back the love...softened a cold heart ...i dont know but the possibilty is endless ..... but his brief attendance to this world was never brief at all ......it has touched u and those around u .....take heart and look forward for the day u'd meet him again .

I aborted my child i made this crime and now can't get over it....i've been trying hmmm maybe i'm not trying but i can't help it. i've been sitting here the whole night thinking about it. i want a baby again knowing that it wont be the same child i lost but maybe it will make me feel less guilty if i give birth to a baby. I reallyy want an other baby but i'm afraid that my parents won't accept me. <br />
You know i even thought about taking the used condom of my bf and pregnant(ing) myself, and when i'd have got to know if i'm pregnant then i would have left everyone my family my bf and would have started a new life with my baby. But it's not that easy.<br />
I love my family and my boyfriend too much.<br />
You know i'm not causing my bf for also suggesting me to have an abortion but i hate it when he says that the baby didnt feel anything and hasn't even formed yet, because i spend day and night at internet looking for aborted childrens and read abortion stories the whole time. <br />
I know that we should learn from the mistakes we made but why can't we just learn from others mistakes before we make the same???????????<br />
I really hate myself for this, feel like killing me. It's already killing me from inside. Had a nervous break down few days ago cuz i keep on crying everytime i remember the time i did this horrible mistake had to call an ambulance.<br />
I know even you surely are not interested in knowing all this but i dont have anyone to share dis. <br />
I get nightmares and sometimes also beautiful dreams where i have my baby in my arms and i look very happy in it. <br />
You know i sit in dark rooms and keep talking to myself. And once while i was alone at home i couldn't stop thinking abt it and i kept on crying and i started getting scared in the flat so i went out of the flat and was sitting on the stairs in the dark hall for 1 and half hours some time later my boyfriend came home and took me in and called the ambulance cuz i had started having breathing problems. <br />
I also did that PASS test on dis side http://www.lifecarecenter.org/test.htm guess i might be suffering from post abortion stress syndromes too. cuz i had 28 plus marked boxes.

When I first read this, it really sort of ticked me off. The first reaction I had was there are other pages that deal with abortion, and the traumatic effects. This was a tribute to my son who I wanted and no one could talk me out of having. I was angry.
I read this again and I feel so sorry for your situation. I was forced into an abortion at 13 by my biological father. Since then I have had 4 unsuccessful pregnancies, the third of which resulted in Nathaniel. I have had other difficulties that have left me sterile. I will never have my own child.
But you are able to conceive again, and when the time is right, you will. I know my reply is years after the fact, but please seek help from a qualified individual to deal with the panic attacks and depression you have been going through before bringing another life into the midst. Best wishes.

Hi critterbug... You most certainly are a mom... Nathaniel's mom. You are the person Nathaniel knows best. He was with you for 6 months and 9 1/2 hours. You comforted Nathaniel when he needed you most... you held him, cuddled him and comforted him as went to heaven, and is surely pointing you out to everyone he sees there. One day he'll greet you with a big hug. Nathaniel knows you're a mom, you're his mom.

Thank you for commenting.

Critterbug, I'm soo sorry for your loss and it's great that you are still a mother even though your son is no longer with us. May he rest in peace, he's your guardian angel now and he's watching over you.

Thank you so much for your comment