My Mother's Selflessness
Posted February 9th, 2010 at 9:08AM
I think my mother put herself on hold as she was raising us. She put us first, always; and she was second. I remember one time when I was little, we were having dinner and there was one small succulent piece of chicken left, and we both reached for it, then she gave it to me without hesitation. I knew she wanted it, but genuinely wanted me to have it more. Her desire for it vanished the moment I expressed a desire for it. I don't want to minimize her devotion or sound ungrateful. That was always something that astounded me - that very authentic selflessness. There was no guilt in that chicken moment - it was one thing she truly felt - we should have more than she ever could have. This was a consistent theme throughout our childhood and eventually it became a source of guilt - we were ungrateful if we didn't appreciate all she sacrificed, but it was impossible to properly appreciate something so intangible and grand. And in the end it wasn't good for her. She was unhappy. She is still unhappy.
So now I'm raising my own children. Last night we made chocolate covered strawberries. The kids and I happily munched away. When there was one left, my daughter (mouth still stuffed) reached for it. My son said "Let's leave that one for Mommy." My mother's selflessness washed over me. I recognized that genuine desire to watch my child eat it, even if I wanted it. But doing that would have negated my son's kindness and encouraged my daughter's gluttony. So I thanked him and ate the last strawberry. There has to be a balance. Being a mother first does not have to mean putting yourself second.
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Thank you booklover :) I still like the title of the group.
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this is a really good story. :)
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Thank you so much Destry!
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My wife is always first. My sons knew that it would be the start of WW III if I ever discovered that they treated her as second to themselves.
great story
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This is a great story, Fallflower. The title of the group DOES suit your story. You taught your children to share and you taught them selflessness. These are life lessons that will serve your children more than having an extra strawberry-well done!!!!!
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Aw you guys are awesome. Thank you.
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This was so beautifully written! I feel the same way about motherhood (now). To be a mother means taking care of yourself first.
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Beautiful story. Balance is key.
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Beautiful!
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Wow..I appreciate all of your comments very much. Thank you.
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your words are so true you dont realize how much your mums gives up till you have your own kids i have four and my life has been on hold for the last 20 years and i dont regret a minute of it but now they are all in there teens i am getting my life back and i love it even to the point of borrowing my daughters clothes lol
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wow this is amazing, the first sotry i've come across on EP that is complicated, makes sense and at the same time, i can totally relate to as my mum does this and she thinks i'm a selfish and ungrateful daughter.
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I truly agreed with this my mum is just the same .
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My mom did what your mom did - put my brother, my dad and I first, and her second.
She had breast cancer a few years ago, and survived without having to have a masectomy or even chemotherapy. However it was still quite traumatic for her. And I remember one day she got upset that I "wasn't listening to her", and she stalked off to a washroom to have a cry. When I followed her, she said something along the lines of the reason why she got breast cancer was because she put her family first and didn't take good enough care of herself. Of course, that makes me feel bad because it's not something I asked her to do, it's just the way she was. Nor do I want to have that thrown back in my face as her daughter.
When I have kids one day, I hope to find the balance like you have done. Thank you for sharing your story. :) -
Another option could be to cut the last strawberry into thirds and all share it together.
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I really liked the story. However I believe eventually it depends upon one. Like my wife is a great mother. She is always second to our kids. The point here is that she was a neglected child and she does not have a single fond moment if we talk about her relationship with her mother. In fact she draws positiveness out of her negative experiences. So you yourself are a wonderful person and a balanced thinker.
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that was so interesting because my mom always did the very same thing she had 5 kids!!
mom was never unhappy about it in fact I am the only one of the 5 kids (the youngest and only female) that KNEW what she was doing. This was back when were all little and I think it was hard for mom and dad to put so much good food on the table because in our early life we were very poor. I know this through hindsight. Dad worked twojobs and farmed, mom was constantly canning and cleaning and sewing never did she ever complain, I'll bet myblock headed brothers to this day don't know mom didn't eat, much. I even gave my one brother closest to me in age my food a lot because he was like a bottomless pit. But you sure do raise a different take on it, Iwill think on it thank u !! -
Beautiful! Balance is everything. I believe that to gain something, you need to sacrifice something; but not to the point that you go beyond sacrificing the future, with the outcome that those close to you presently (your children) and in the future (grandchildren) will not continue or experience the unselfihness, pure and bright spirit that only a mother that love her children can display.
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I somehow turned out a green family, We wouldn't do it any other way. My children are kind, compassionate, and are appropriately giving. My oldest daughter has no interest at all, but three out of four ain't bad....
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I loved your story..a mothers love..a fathers love is selfless . Your son will make wonderful husband for someone,, you have taught him something precious.
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Ok, so it made me cry :-]
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I thank everyone for reading and commenting :)
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ooh...i got me a hater :)
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Thank you lauren! My son does rock and I can't take credit for it, he's always just been very sweet.
My mom still consistently makes herself into a martyr - in any fathomable situation - and by now no one can talk her out of it. -
Great story!
Lessons for everyone.
We should take the time to notice what others actually do for us. We might be surprised. -
(hands strawberry to geetar)
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This amazingly written piece caught my eye on the first page. I very glad I read it, and I might just have to subscribe :D
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Thank you so much crimefridge! Off to hide my pudding now!
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That's my girl. Greedy little vermin. -
I think most of mums are like that, selfless. I have seen it too with my mum and how she sacrifices what she wants for me and my brother.
You are lucky because you have a great son who cares for you. Usually children are quite selfish (they do not even realise that) and just eat everything without considering others. -
Oh I loved this!!
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