Mother Of Sons

I basically am very lucky to have a nice DIL.   The only problem is it's always her way.  Her thinking is "black and white" with no diverting from her plan.  My youngest son and his wife have to come to town for an event and live several hours away.   I thought my older son, his wife and the children could make arrangements to also come over (they live in town) and visit in the morning as they have not seen each other for 10 weeks.  My DIL told me they can't come because of a birthday party her friend is having for her kid and my sons won't be able to see each other or the nieces even for a few hours.  To me, I feel that my family is unimportant to her only when it's convenient and we are together so rarely.  This is an opportunity even for a short time.  I thought she could be late for the party but they can't...  Her family is all in town so she must not realize how precious these opportunities are to me.  I have no other family other than my sons and probably this all stems from being lonely.     I never mettle in their business, do anything just to see my grandchildren, make dinners, pay for vacations... just hoping..  So, I guess I'll just keep quiet rather than ruffle feathers.   ANy suggestions?

ladyskier ladyskier
51-55
3 Responses Jul 26, 2010

Just a thought - how long is the youngest son visiting for? Is there any way to work around the bday party? Was much notice given to the DIL or could she have already made plans to go to the bday. Sometimes, people (I'm one of them) feel really, really bad if they say yes and then can't do something. So, if she had already RSVP'd to the party etc. it might just be something she felt like she couldn't break. I do understand your point though - sometimes we have to be more flexible for the sake of family and gatherings.<br />
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Why not try and talk to her about something in the future? Make her a part of it and see if you can't plan a weekend gathering so that all can be together?

Ask your daughter-in-law when would be a good time for her that would not interfere with her plans. Then you could get your other son's familly to let you know when would be a convenient time for them. Maybe they could all come together and celebrate your birthday, or on some other holiday. It is just a matter of scheduling...

Life changes and priorities change. The family that was you and your sons doesn't exist anymore. This isn't your daughter in laws fault.<br />
You say "she doesn't understand how important MY family is"...family being you and your children right?....well HER family is her & her kids too..