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Problems With Daughter In Law

I too have a difficult daughter in law.  She is a power freak.  She always finds fault with everything I do and say.  After a few fights over the years we "made up" four years ago in time for their wedding.  During the wedding she went out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable.  They made speeches and thanked her parents for all their help over the years and without them they would not be here etc.  I am divorced from my husband and we were treated like lepers.  Since then they have had 2 daughters.  The first one now 4 I have seen a handful of times, always an excuse, tired, working, etc can't make it at the last minute.  In January this year my 2nd grand daughter was born and I have seen her once.  My son is a twin and we wanted to have a special 30th birthday party for them and she did all she could to ruin it and finally did.  Since then I am not 'allowed' in their house, cannot go there to visit my son and his daughters, so he has to bring them here, which never happens.....  She listens when I am speaking to him on the phone and prompts him to ask questions about what she wants to know so she can rubbish whatever it is....

My sons twin brother is expecting and there was a problem with the pregnancy early on, its fine now.  They were almost gloating that there may be a loss of the baby..... How sick. She seems to love other peoples misfortunes.  I want to see my son and grand daughters as much as I can of course, but cannot see any way around this.  If I say something is black, she will say its white.  She loves it, she loves conflict, I think its her way of having power.  Her mother is the same.  Any ideas welcome.
eyag eyag 56-60 5 Responses Oct 19, 2010

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Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and strive for the wisdom to know the difference.

Pray is all I can say, I feel your pain. I have my first grandchild with my son and his wife. They live in my ba<x>sement, but her aunt lives next door and she is up her you know what. I've said that I feel left out and don't want to be, but it falls on deaf ears. Your son needs to put his foot down and so does mine!!!!

I think some of you should reread you posts and think about why you are having problems with your daughter-in-laws. When you go buy a couch for your house did you "convince" YOUR husband to spend "his" money on YOU? No! You are a married couple! You share household expenses AND household income! What a married couple does with THIER money is no one's business! Stay out of it. I would never, never comment on my child's or child's spouse's spending. They earn the money, they spend however they choose. It creates mountains of friction when you "butt in" to thier fincancial situation. How would you like it if they told you how to spend your money? Why not? You are an adult, and so are they. Also, since whendoes a company you work for "pay" for your house. They give you a salary, you use that salary how you choose, to pay rent mortgage, food, bills, etc. Yes, even in the military. I know, I was in the military. It is a housing stipend, which is added to your pay, the military does NOT pay your rent. It his is your son's business if his wife has family staying there. He must address it. Maybe he wants her to have company while he is out to sea? Some of us in the military did not want our spouses to be left alone, and were OK with other family members temporarily living in our homes. That is between him and his wife to work out. Please try to be supportive of them, before it is too late and they cut you out of thier lives.

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do. Some people are impossible to deal with!

Support comes in all forms. Sometimes, giving people another way to look at a situation can be very helpful. It never hurts to engage in honest self-examination. If anything, it can help you understand what you have control over and what you must accept and move on from. Some people ARE impossible to deal with. But it never hurts to consider there might be something you can do to improve the situation. In fact, that always makes me feel more powerful. I hate feeling like there's nothing I could do to make things better.

All we can do is let God handle it...We wish for a better time but we did not raise the ladies who our sons married and unfortunately we have to let them go and hope for the best...at least I know I got to raise some wonderful sons who are good husbands to their wives....The will treat her mother with respect I know as I instilled that in them....

I too have a very difficult daugter in-law in fact I have a very colorful 5 letter word that would describe her better :). She is a total control freak and is contantly in a imaginary competition with me. My son met my daughter in-law who I will refer to as M at the age of 14 he is ADD and did not have a lot of friends growing up and she was his first girlfriend. From the time I met her I new she had a problem with control convincing him at 17 to move in with her since she was 19 and living on her own. I hoped he would wake up and eventually start dating other girls but unfortunetly he did not and they ended up getting married so she could get gastric bypass surgery and he could take her with him in the Navy. Since their marriage I have gone out of my way to be nice to her and accept her as my daughter in-law but she continues to monitor any type of contact I have with my son by reading his text messages, emails and listening and coaching him on the phone or responding to the text messages I have sent. Recently she has even moved her sister and her sisters 2 kids in with them in a 2 bedroom condo which the Navy pays for thanks to him. My son also has a very large structured settement coming to him which he has already collected on and she convinced him to buy her a car, pay for her gastric bypass surgery and tummy tuck and now her sister! I love my son a great deal and just want him to be happy and to protect him but I realise I must let him learn on his own that she is just using him. I will always be there for him and I have to trust he know if anything happens I will be there. All I can do is let go and let God take care of him so I continue to pray and I have even started prayng for her as hard as that task is. Good Luck!

You are all just annoying bored old ladies intervening into other people's business and picking on your DILs for no good reason. Even if your DIL is the worst person on this planet, it is not you business to meddle. All of the irritating mother in laws should find some other things to satisfy your need. Your sons have a family now; he and his wife are creating their own family which does not really include you, so just deal with it.
The only real reason why you complain and nag about your DILs is because you feel excluded, or not important in your son's life. Admit it!

Why don't you go play in traffic

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect What an irresponsible and immature statement! You can't possibly know or understand the complexities of EVERY situations listed here. Certainly some mothers are truly trying to find support for very real and complex problems. To automatically assume every mother here to be at fault is foolish at best. Grow up before you advise anyone else.

Yeah well... since what comes around... you know the rest. Wait your turn then you may speak. You will probably be the 1st to remember the remark you made here.

Okay, I admit it. Is that the same reason why my DIL complains about me? Or is it her cancer and the stress of living that challenge and why is it that when a person is invited to share a story, albeit a stupid petty story, they are attacked for it?

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