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Disrespectful Daughter, Need Feedback

I'm at my wits end, but calm.  I need some input from those similiarly abused by their kids.  I have a disrespectful 20 y/o daughter in college that does not appreciate me, acts selfish, superior and rude toward me, especially when she gets angry. She is currently not working (summer break) but will do little or nothing around the house unless asked specifically that is begrudgingly done and no more.  I've emphasized that if she is not working she needs to contribute by doing housework, she said fine as long as she's not some sort of slave, she must be joking, I'm the one that feels like the slave, still she does nothing unless asked to and even when asked it's a toss up as to whether it will get done.  I'm still waiting for her to clean the bathroom that she messed up and I've been waiting for 3 weeks, I could go on and on. 

She never asks me how I'm doing, she will call me or come in my bedroom immediately talking about herself, I've said something to her a few times about this and how it makes me feel which resulted in her asking me, in a forced tone, how I'm doing a couple of times, and then moving quickly to herself.  That lasted about a week, now it's back to just talking about herself again.  However, as long as I am listening to her life, for hours on end, tell me story after story regarding her, her boyfriend, her roommates, and her friends and of course doling out money left and right (rent, food, cellphone, gas, utilities, insurance, entertainment, shopping, etc.) we are the best of friends, but when she is wrong and I let her know it, she will raise her voice, talk over me as I'm making my point, make accusations, pretty much flip me off in her words and deeds like I'm some sort of crazy idiot, etc., etc.  It's gotten me to the point where this BS escalates me and then all bets are off and it turns out to be a very disfunctional loud confrontation, that at times has gotten to the brink of being physical.  There are times when it's all I can do to restrain myself from just slapping the crap out of her and beating her silly.  Trust me, she would deserve it, because now she has this attitude that because she's technically an adult there is nothing we can do to her anymore, in her words, 'she's grown'.  Well 'grown' to me means you have your 'own', and you still don't get away with disrespecting your parents. 

I do love her very much, but it's become so painfully clear that I've done too much and made too many excuses for her all her life, and she is spoiled and selfish and acts like she dislikes me.  Maybe it's my fault, maybe not, I really don't care anymore about whatever may be her problem.  I've cried, talked, sacrificed and beat myself up many times as to what the problem is since she was 15 years old and she started behaving this way little by little with simmering disrespect with an undercurrent of dislike directed towards me.  I, of course, would address her then with it and then sooth myself by excusing it all as just teenage stuff and she would grow out of it, no such luck!! 

But now I've made up my mind that I cannot and will not tolerate it anymore!!  I have a 14 y/o son that's watching all this go on with her and dammit I deserve better.  I'm tired of being treated like a convenience for money, room and board, and disregarded and disrespected otherwise.  We had a really bad fight last night over her disrespect again which escalated to the point that I pushed her away from me.  She was in my face and pointing her finger down at me (she was standing over me, she 6ft and I'm 5'5), which of course didn't help matters, thereupon I let her know that the day that I tolerate your disrespect anymore is the day they would be burying me six feet under feet first.  Also that she acts like she is just as much woman as me to stand in my house and saying blah, blah, blah to me, to which she responded that she is just as much woman as me and packed her clothes and left in a huff back to her apartment 1.5 hours away. 

I have struggled with what to do about all of this today, but have decided inspite of all her big talk, she is not financially independant and her small student loans and part-time jobs don't cut it to sustain her when school is back in session so she will still need assistance, therefore I will see that she has the basics: food, shelter, and utilities to get through school, the rest is on her and until she can respect her parents she is not welcome in our home.

I need some feedback, is this the right course?  Thanks.

takencare takencare 41-45 102 Responses Jun 18, 2008

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I have a daughter who is 26 yrs old and married. She is expecting her first child any day now. My daughter has been very disrespectful to me since she was about 16 yrs old. During that time my husband was ill and I didn't have the energy to fight back so she got away with a lot. My husband passed away two years ago and my daughter has not been there for me at all. When I try to talk to her and tell her how I feel it becomes a screaming match and she tells me how selfish and all about me I am. Both my husband and I have done nothing but been good to her and made sure that we were always there for her and that she always had what she needed. She disrespects me and tells me **** you and recently told me that she was going to tell her unborn child that I was dead. I have a friend that is going through this with his 21 year old son now. These kids are master manipulators and abusers. I know that I will not tolerate the abuse or disrespect from anyone including my own child. I'm not sure what is going on with this generation of kids other than the fact that they don't know how to communicate one on one. Everything is done through text and email. They have no emotions and seem almost heartless. I'm very curious to see how my daughter is going to handle these issues when she becomes a parent.

i am disrespectful to my mother she tells me all the time if i give her my butt to kiss then i can leave when i'm 16. she starts to work so she can get away from me more. she yells at me even im not raising my voice yes sometimes i do correct her iv'e told her she is the worst mother ever and she told me i was the worst daughter ever but the thing is direspect can not be tolerated for any parent. we don't know as teenagers how much our parents have done for us, but i think kicking your daughter out until she learns how to respect i think that, that is going to make her more disrespectful, because you kick her out but it is also going to make her realiize what she has done so she can come back, but never disguard family no matter what happens. through thick and then you stick together, but also as a mother you have to set her straight.

I completely can understand what you are going through. Ihave an almost 21year old who eloped at 18 then ladt March needed to move back home due to an abusive marriage situation,which,I believe she probably pushed this boy so far he could not take it anymore,no excuse for his behavior,but she should not have stayedin the marriage as long as she did because the abuse started when she was pregnant. We tried getting her to move home,but shes the type of person,that thinks she needs to fix everyone but her own self.Long story short,she has always been an argumentative,ungreatful ,girl who feels like she is owed everything ! She was not raised this way,trust me, we had her in coinseling all through jr.high and high school.She always blamed everyone else for her problems,never took responsability for her almost to the point of verbal and at times physical abuse towards us,her parents,whi did notabuse her! We were there through thick and thin with this child.We always tried to convince her she wasa beautiful,talented person and had great qualities and she never believed it due to bullying at school. Since she moved in last March with our Beautiful grandson, she finished beauty school,got 2 jobs now, but she ,on her time off,2-3 days per week, is constantly just concerned about finding a new boyfriend,is not even divorced yet,while at home doesnt keep up her duties,ex.laundry,cleaning up after herself,cannot even rinse off her own dishes and put them in the dishwasher. She leaves dirty diapers lying around frequently,but denies it,so i took pictures to show her and also took pictures of all her messes she leaves aroynd the house including her room and sons room. She says i do not havea right to be in her space and even threatened to call police if i go in her room again. Mind you,she has not paid us a dime for luving here,we have supported her and her son the whole time. Up until recently when she finally graduated beauty school and got 2 pt jobs. But dont work that hard each job is not busy.she has hard any clients at her haircutting job,at her waitressing job,a few days a week, she only has a few tables a day. The baby is 15 months and sleeps pretty mych all night, and she still is very lazy at home. When i say anything,she argues and is disrespectful. Up until recently,I used to watch my grandson 6 days a week with my mom or my husband for free of course while in schooland at first when she worked.but it was too hard fior me because im disabled physically due to a nerve disease in my arms.and my mom moved out,so i didnt have mych help. But she never appreciated anythibg we have done for her and cobtinues her verbal abuse.Do I legally have to let her keep living with us since she is not 21 until April,but shes still technically married.? She says we cannot kick her out and us very blunt about that. Any advice would be helpful.good luck wuth your situation. I just thought i would explainmy situation so you would know you arebt alone.

You should be able to evict her from your home just like anybody else. Sounds like she's hanging things over your head as a way to control you. Don't let her. Give her a 30 day notice to move. My own daughter (she turned 18 last year) got one from me when problems began when she began dating her current boyfriend. Young adults today are often immature and lazy. Much of that happens when the parent overindulges children when they are young. Once the magic age of 18 hits them they believe they get to control every aspect of their worlds but don't quite understand that with that freedom comes the responsibilty of one's self. And most parents never think that they would have to teach an adult child the rules of respect. As hard as it is "tough love " can sometimes be the only solution. Cut her off. Give her a notice to move. Let her know why you want her to move. She may become angry and make all kinds of threats but its important to stick to your guns. Do not let her emotionally blackmail you. By showing her that she is the one that really stands to lose can go a long way. Since she relies heavily on you most likely she'll come around with a different attitude.

I too am dealing with this. My daughter is a 20 yo college student, home on break. She has come in twice reaking of weed. I spoke to her and explained this will not b tolerated. 2 days later she didn't come in at all. I don't think she knows what's disrespectful because when I approached her, she has so much to say in her defense. Pray for me and I'll pray for u.

Wish I can do the same thing. My daughter is 23 yrs. old, she still lives w/ us, she has a great job. My husband spoiled her ever since. She is very lazy & disrespectful . My husband is always on her side. Wish I can throw her out of our house. Big problem right now!

Hi,I am in a similar situation as well, but I would not tell my daughter that she is not welcome in my home. It might make her think twice to speak to you with respect and show her love for you, but as a mother our love is unconditional, constant, and everlasting no matter what, we moms have to sacrifice a lot for our children. I know it is painful, believe me I am hurting inside, my soul is bleeding, but my advice is to always let her know that you are there for her no matter what! What ever time you have with each other try to spend it in a pleasant way. If she tries to star an argument, stay quiet and try to talk about something else that is pleasant.Today is Christmas Eve, and she had been with her dad for several days, has not called me. If I sound like I am complaining please excuse me but I have to let it out, let all the pain, and sorrow out of your system, and never let go of your love for your daughter. One time or another she will realize how wrong she is to disrespect her mom who brought her into this world.Pray for her that God (Allah) gives her guidance.

You can't possible be suggesting that unconditional love for our children means we have to accept their disrespectful attitudes, are you?! That's ludicrous!!!

I am so glad I found your story, because it sounds identical to mine, except that my daughter is 36 and still with me! Even since she was a child, she has acted as if she hated me. She was a child genius, so I let a lot of things go. And, like you, I attributed a lot of it to her young age, and continued thinking the same during her teen years. As I said, she is now 36. I believe, all this time, she has had undiagnosed Asperger's, because she also has repetitive movements, is obsessive about hand-washing, and is constantly asking me what I'm doing, etc. If I stand too close to the kitchen trash, she freaks out. I have tried to get help, but there is none. They all say she's an adult. Anyway, I do hope things have gotten better for you since 2008 when you posted this. I wish I would have found your article sooner, so I could tell you that you will be in my prayers. I truly understand your problem. Like you, at times, I have been suicidal, but more recently, I am thinking how easy it would be to beat her to death when she is yelling and treating me like dirt, after I, at age 62, have worked all day long in a factory, while she sleeps and does nothing. Anyway, as I said, I pray for you, and I ask that you please pray for me. There may not be a solution.

wow. Yes I'd leave her alone; offer the bare necessities until she show respect. I had similiar outbursts/rudeness and still do. My daughter's 26 a little better than she was at 20. I slept in my office when she was home senior year. It's sad. Just happy to say you're not alone. Btw, I asked other moms if they had experiences with 'rude' daughters and received a ton of emails telling me I'D NEVER LET MY CHILD BLAH BLAH. It's not you. No, sometimes it just works out that way. Keep your distance; hold on to your dignity.

Dignity goes a long way!

Im so sorry about that. My sister in law was going through the same thing. Her and my neice had a unbreakable bond until she was about 14. She will talk back, cuss at her, sneak out, etc. My SIL raised her by herself and did EVERYTHING for her. But on my neice 16 birthday, my neice was so disrespectful to her mom. When my SIL will try to take a picture with her she will say no and call her names. I really saw the hurt in her eyes and alot of people say it. The next my neice friend went to talk to her mom and told that when my niece was 14 she was raped. My SIL went to London with her boyfriend at the time for about a week and half in the summer and when my neice was home to get somestuff a guy broke in and raped her. And ever since then she changed. She was mad at her mom for leaving so she blamed her mom for everything. When my SIL heard she was so heartbroking. Well she talked to her daughter and things came out and they talked about thier feelings and how to make things better and now thier is better then ever. I wish you luck. I hope things get better. Its get worse before it get better

Yes your perfectly correct.
I have the same problem with my daughter, she treats me disgustingly, but if I try to say about her attitude she simply tells me to **** off,
She has being spoilt and if she doesn't have her own way she is nasty and spiteful, I have being told 4 times today in the space of 3 hours to F off because I have disagreed with her, she talks to everyone that doesn't fall in with her plans like a piece of dirt,
I have ill health yet she expects me to just get on with it while doing the things she should be doing.

She has her own business which she seems in last 2-3 months to leave it to myself or her dad to do when she isn't here then when she does turn up she just sits around and gets nasty if asked to do anything,
We have put a lot of money into her business to try help her as we thought it would change her attitude but it did for awhile but her attitude has changed back to how she's being for past 6-7 years, but we are in a dilemma now as to do we withdraw our help now and give up any slim chance of getting any of our money back or do we walk away with some with a little bit of the dignity we have left?

We have had problems with her taking cannabis for a few years now and had thought she had stopped but we think she's back doing it again due to her nastiness,
I don't know if my message is helpful but I think your doing the right thing in giving her minimum but just enough for her to live on, hopefully this will work for you to get your relationship back on track, but it won't be easy as youngsters today just don't seem to have the will or the want to get on with life like we did at their age, but I really do wish you luck..

or do we walk away with some with a little bit of the dignity we have left? YES. DO THAT. I've had a rude daughter since she was 3; she's 26 and still rude. I text or email I love you. That's it. I wait for her to call and keep it light; almost robotic. She can't wait to get into a fight. I'm done. You should be too. you did your best and it's up to her. We never think that peace is expensive. IT IS!! But so worth holding on to. Keep your peace or dignity at ALL COSTS. Believe me, there's nothing better. Some people just are -- angry. And sometimes -- it's killing me to admit it -- it's our own daughters.

Your definitely not alone. I've been a single mother without my parents help & did what I could to protect & provide for my 2 kids (now daughter's age 22 & son's age 17). It was all about her & if she didn't get her way, she would report me to child services or make up ugly stories about me to others. I was her mom & best friend till high school. After that, that's when she started with twisting words, making up ugly stories about me, lying & sneaking around. We tried counseling & I was told that I shouldn't be a best friend because she will not respect me as a mom. That I have to be mom & as friends, she will have plenty so I shouldn't place myself there.

Now, she has 2 children which I am caring for one. She treats me as this is what I have to do & doesn't appreciate not acknowledge the fact that I'm tired & earned some me time. My some holds resentment toward her for how she has treated me & affected our lives. My son loves his nephew who lives with us till she decided she wants him back. It's is an emotional rollercoaster. She used my grandchildren as tools to intimidate & manipulate me.

As a mom, we will always love our children but also need to realize that our children reach an age that they are not children. Many of us have struggled alone & grown strong. By being there for them & allowing them to abuse is, we are teaching them to be heartless & handicapping them from growth. There is a time (for them & our own sanity/respect) that we need to step back & let them feel what life without us is about. Once they fall or feel the stress, maybe then they might hold a drop of appreciation for us moms. Maybe they never will & roam around acting like self made victims. Whichever the case is, if we allow them to such our life, what strength & life will we have for our grandchildren in case they need us in their young years. Also we should accept the fact that after we did the best we could as patents, put ourselves on the back burner & busted our behind to provide, protect, love & just made them our life, ... now we deserve some me time.

We will already love them but we need to love ourselves too & allow them to take their own steps. After all, we are not always going to be around.

It won't be easy loosening or in some cases, cutting the ties to our adult children but raising children wasn't easy either but we did & still are.

Hope this makes some sense. If any typos, sorry. Working off my cell & as we all know; it acts up at times too.

Strength, wisdom & tough love

yes INDEED. I've lived on that back burner for years!! Career sabotage. All I wanted was a thank you - in the form of a phone call ''How are YOU?'' but never happened. It's now just a matter of finding what pleases you. ''Gotta know when to fold 'em'' as Kenny Rogers would say.

I am a 23 year daughter of a single mother. I have read through several of the posts and thought, WoW, I am reading about myself over and over again.I disrespect my mother daily. It is abuse, I see that now. I call her names and sometimes the yelling match turns into a physical altercation. I know she just wants to strangle me some times for how I treat her. I do not blame her one bit. She never disrespected her parents, even today at age 45, still does not. I love my Mom, I just do not know why I act like a self righteous b****. She raised me single-handedly, instilling in me all good qualities. I treat the world with greater respect than I do the woman who gave birth to me and taught me what respect means. I am spoiled, never lacked anything. Yes, we have live in the same low-income home for 18 years and have the same furniture, but I have never lacked anything. I have it all. And I do nothing. Ok, so I work, but the money I earn is for me to buy some groceries (once in a while) and for my own personal use. I do not pay rent, I do not even pay for my own gas or car insurance (my step-father does, but he is no longer with my mother). I am just a spoiled brat. Even though my mother is currently not working, she worked for a majority of her life and is using her own savings to pay the rent. She has done everything in her power to give me a better life than she has had and has made sure I do not lack in anything. And yet I treat like she is scum under my feet.I feel horrible and know that I have to change. The question is where do I begin??? I sometimes apologize after blowing up at her, but the apology is insincere because I continue the same behavior almost instantly. I have a serious problem and I hope that other daughters who are terrors to their mothers can step forward, be vulnerable, and expose their disgusting behavior. This is not easy, but I need the help!

You could start with ''How was your day?'' Thank you for posting and coming to this realization. Very bold to be so honest; very aware to recognize a need to change. That's halfway there. Nothing changes overnight. Stop yourself from getting the first or last word; listen when she's talking (even if it's boring), don't monopolize conversation, maybe pitch in where you never did. It's not always what you do; it's more about what you DON'T do. Keep it simple, even if you're right...sometimes no one wants to know. Good luck; you're already a great person.

I cried when I saw your post. This is exactly how my daughter treats me! but at least you realize it, my daughter will never realize that she is wrong. She is the only thing I have left, and I pray for her every day that God (Allah), please forgive her, please give her guidance. I feel that it is not completely her fault, her father influences her greatly with gifts and trips to places that I could never take her. She watched her father abuse me and she learned from him ever since she was little. Her father and I divorced twelve years ago. I feel that behaviors are learnt by watching and one can only learn from others not by themselves, and it does not matter what age. It is a very good thing that you have realized how wrong you are, that is the first step. Now you must slowly let your mother know it even if it takes a couple of tries. I know that you love your mom, now you must show it before it is too late.

OMG...I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I won't get into details, but it's sad we spend our lives providing for our kids and then they treat us like WE owe them! I don't know about you all, but I'm the bread winner and raised the kids. We did without a lot of things providing for the kids and my daughter treats me like poop! Sad....
Her college tuition was paid debt except we she created dating different guys! Much generosity went her way...The ODD syndrome sounds like it fits her. Defiant at every turn! I'm going to spend my money on myself from know on! My Mom was my best friend. I never talked to her the way my daughter talks to me...never!

Ditto. Struggling with downsized economy but still paid for college and went to museums, ballets, symphonies, craft programs, made elaborate parties, decorated her room, went shopping spending time doing whatever she desired. She's always been defiant and now at 26 successful and rude. I'll tell her so; avoid conversation, etc. It's sad. I expect kindness. Phone, text, skype (although I'm 30 min away). Never happened. Jury's not out - but leaving most of my assets to animal sanctuaries instead of it all to her. I'm proud of her accomplishments but severely disappointed in her character.

Thanks Annakua for your post. It made me think about changing the beneficiaries on my life insurance policy (currently to be split amongst my three adult daughters). Like the other mothers who've posted, I too gave my all in raising them only to be ignored now unless they need something. Why should I leave anything at all for the two older ungrateful daughters who cannot even be bothered to respond when I've tried to call, text or email them? And the eldest even had the nerve to use the "F" word at me when confronted about unauthorized charges to my credit card! And this while she and her husband were living in my apartment for one year for free! I feel like such an idiot. I've stopped trying to contact them. I'm only in touch with my youngest. She is respectful and doesn't approve of the way her older sisters behave and conduct their lives. I think I'm going to leave it all to her! Those older two don't deserve another thing from me. They can go suck an egg! I'm through with being concerned about their selfish, entitled behinds.

Add a response...

My daughter is14 and no matter what I try to discipline her for bad actions.she laughs about it.recently I learned she had relations with a boy.something I definitely taught her was wrong.she thinks what she did was.Ok.I'm done with her attitude.I'm sending her to DJJ for leaving house late at nite. HELP!

Damn straight. Put your foot down Mama and stay strong behind it. It, unfortunately, is the only way your daughter is going to understand that you will not tolerate her awful disrespectful behavior to you or in YOUR home. I had the same problem. It is hard....but as a counselor once told me, "If she claims to be an adult....then fine...let her be an adult. Remind her of that when she comes to you wanting something next time.

My 22 yr old daughter is attending college and working part time but has alot of credit card debt. She took a vacation to FL this week as she said she deserves it. Got a call from VISA and I think she's been charging on our credit cards.

Are things any better?


I cried again as I read these posts. I have the same situation with my 23 year old daughter. Yesterday was her college graduation and it was the worst day of my life! I have cried all evening and all day. And, yesterday was Mothers Day, which made me feel even worse. <br />
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She is rude and very disrespectful toward me and only me. She is pleasant, polite to all others. I am not the mother of the year and I have not done anything for my daughter that any of you have not done. I am a single parent and raised her alone for 20 years. I have worked two jobs for 17 years to adequately support her. She has done without nothing. I always thought if her father and I were still together, she would have fancy clothes, a cell phone, trips to Disney, etc. Although my daughter does work and has had a job since she was 15, she still expects me to provide anything and everything for her. Thank you's are few and very far between. I have scrimped and saved for many years, basically having no life of my own. I love my daughter very much and she is all I have. The disrespect has been going on for 10 years. It kind of comes and goes. The last two or three years, the rudeness has been unbearable! She bought a condo and moved from my home about two years ago and honestly, I was relieved. She has a great job and actually makes more money than me! I have been extremely proud of her. Everyone just loves her and tells me how wonderful she is. Everyone does not hear how she speaks to me. I get yelled at constantly, belittled, made fun of, humilited and embarassed in public, degraded and the list of profanity is too much to type. Her father was MIA for over 10 years and now that she is grown, he is back in the picture. He is on a pedastal. But, I say nothing. I am glad she can finally have a relationship with her father and actually, he father tells her she should not be so rude to me all the time. I have to walk on egg shells when I am around her, afraid to speak most of the time.<br />
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Anyway, yesterday was her college graduation. This was a huge day for me as well. I have no college education. People like me don't raise kids that are college graduates and homeowners at age 20. I can't explain how proud I was and all the other emotions. Unfortunately, this all ended quickly. <br />
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An argument started because I did not make reservations for her to eat at the most expensive restaurant in town the night before graduation. She went there and was told they were full for the evening. My god, you would think I hacked off someone's arm. The yelling and snide attitude immediately started. This turned into me being humiliated inside another restaurant and walking out (running actually) crying. Then came the nasty texts telling me she was "sick of my attitude", etc. This ended in me not being welcome at graduation because "I was not going to ruin her day". I cried all evening and most of the night. I have worked very hard to put her through college. I know what you all are going to respond. She makes more then me so she can pay for her own college. I have saved since she was born to pay for this and I felt that was my job as her parent to pay and give her this opportunity that I did not have. So I did. I am a bartender part-time and I have saved many years of tips. <br />
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I go to graduation anyway. I sit by myself. I did get a text from her telling me I better be there or she would never forgive me. Looking back, I should have stayed home! I found my sister in law and mother after the ceremony. I spoke briefly with them. My daughter comes out of the arena with a few of her friends and proceeds to take pictures with everyone but me! I prayed for the earth to open up and swallow me at that point. I have never, ever been so hurt or upset in my life and I am 47 years old. Why would she do something so hurtful to me? And she smirked about it. I have previously made reservations for 14 of us to eat dinner after the ceremony. My sister in law asked if I was going and my daughter quickly chimmed in "no". I left quickly, not wanting to make a jackass of my self by going bezerk and grabbing her by the neck and shaking the crap out of her. I cried all the way to the car. I ate dinner on Mothers Day and my only child's college graduation day at a fast food restaurant by myself. Her father did text my and tell me he was sorry about all this - whooptie doo!<br />
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I met her in person today and told her she would never understand how much she had hurt me. This could not be fixed. I don't even have a picture of her on her college graduation day. I was done with the disrespect and I would not be dealing with it anymore. I told her I was very proud of her and I loved her. I did not expect a gold crown or throne but I do expect respect. I told her when she could treat me with respect, give me a call. I started to walk away and she had the nerved to tell me all this was my fault and I looked like an *** and made a fool of myself. <br />
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I handed her the gift I had bought a few months earlier. I bought an absolutely beautiful necklace and I bought her the "places you will go" book. I wrote a nice note to her inside the book cover. I wrote the note about two weeks ago because the note I would have written after the pain I felt after the ceremony would have been certainly different! I then walked away and left. This was around noon today and I have not heard from her. What do you all think? I have no idea what I have done to make her treat me this way. I am not perfect but I did the best I could. Three of her friends that witnessed this fiasco yesterday texted me and told me Happy Mother's Day and they apologized for her actions. Nothing from my daughter. I am so upset and so hurt. Do you all think we will ever get past this. Honestly, I am not sure I can ever forget about this. Your college graduation only happens once and it was a big day for me as well. She left college with zero college loans! And I left with my head down, crying hysterically, humiliated, and embarassed!

I am so sorry your daughter treated you this way. I don't understand my daughter either--she decided to skip her 18th birthday we arranged for her and often treats me horribly. If I have learned one thing over the years of going thru have to quit beating yourself up and asking what you did wrong. As mothers, we do the best we can or know how to and one day......your daughter will perhaps be a mother and finally understand the pain she inflicted on you. Quit letting her belittle you. Quit letting her control your emotions. Right now...she is a selfish little snot! She will regret her decisions and actions one day.....just live your life. Find things that make you happy, surround yourself with good, trustworthy friends and quit letting your life revolve around your daughters or she will always control your life.

Thanks for the kind words. Hopefully, you will sort out your unfortunate situation too. I don't understand! My friend is having some issues with her 23 year old son. She said our kids were perfect teenagers. They just are going thru the teenage years being disrespectful later than normal. I hope we all make it thru!

I am sorry for what your daughter has done to hurt you. It will take time to let go. I have to go shopping a lot for myself and even went to therapist. May I give you a suggestion? Maintain your dignity and treat yourself special things, all the money that we spent on them was big mistakes. Buy things for yourself from now on. My newest improvement is that I have made up my mind not killing myself driving to/from > 13 hours to be at my daughter's graduation so she can laugh at me with her friends. She feels victory when she could have me wrapping around her figure. I used to cry in my car waiting for her to come out and talk to me when I was at her school campus. I recognized that I was abused by my own daughter most of times I came to visit her at her school. Thank you for sharing your story. Please take good care of yourself. I am here if you need someone to talk to.

This is pathological abuse. She has a personality disorder if she is getting a thrill from abuse. Get away from her. Save yourself.

Oh I do feel for you, we seem to end up with monsters which we obv never intended, I do often wonder if it's the same for the rich parents that send their children to private school or are they treated like roŷalty.
I hope things get better for you as you to certainly deserve it..

I'm sorry to hear that, but it sounds like you raised a spoiled little brat. This is the problem with American parents, you spoil your kids, barely discipline them and wonder why they grow up to be the little monster they are. I'm from the Carribean where from an early age, talking back to your parents is unheard of and we are rewarded for good behavior,not showered with things just to earn the child's love. Children are taught the value of money and the need to be grateful. It sounds like your daughter is an ingrate. Hav

Having been raised in America, I plan to instill the same old fashioned Carribean values in my children.

I don't see anything wrong with what you've done. Your story's so sad - but I'm glad you've shared it - it helps me feel like other good moms happen to fall upon abusive relationships with their daughters. That moment of humiliation should be erased. When you look back think of something utterly funny. This is a traumatic stress point and you must jumble it up. I went through a similiar disaster...heartwrenching. If you'd like I'd share but for now... take a personal brainwash to erase the pain. BUT DON'T FORGET it happened...she's capable of hurt. I force myself to stay clear of my own daughter for that very reason; toxic. Her dad's a quiet narcissist; and more fuel. Keep Distant and be well. You're a great mom.

I am so sorry that you've experienced all of this sorrowful pain and rejection from a daughter that you have loved dearly and supported.
Now as I read all these stories I don't feel so alone. If I were in your shoes, I would cut her off completely. In my way of thinking, I'd rather be alone than to be humiliated by an rejecting, abusive daughter. You asked, What did you do to deserve this kind of treatment? The answer probably lies in her own mythical thinking. Sounds like she believes she's better than you are, perhaps more educated, hence, she is maybe elitist in her thinking. Watch out when they start believing their snooty press. Academia sometimes exacerbates that delusional condition... That's fine, let her believe what ever her delusions tell her. Go your own way, (if you are a praying person, pray for her) and create a life for yourself that will bring you joy, however you can, as long as it is a healthy outlet. You are a child of God and He loves you and wants the best for you.

I don't think I would ever have believed it was possible to find a website like this...but I too have a daughter who just turned 20 a few weeks ago who is exceedingly disrespectful to both her father and I....

But our story started long ago when I had her at the age of 41. We were completely taken with our beautiful little baby girl and have loved her, supported her and have been there for her through out the years.
Sad to say however, from the beginning it seemed as if she disliked me, her Mother. When she was just a bitty thing of maybe 13 months old, her father and I would pick her up and hug one another and her and she would stretch out her little hand to push me away.
Of course we thought everything she did was "cute"

And so she grew...and as she grew she became more and more hostile to me, not her Dad, but just to me. Problem was, her Dad never corrected her and I told him if he didn't correct her, her behavior would get worse.

When she was 12 years old she would do things like ignore me. If I was standing two feet from her I would ask her a question and she would deliberately NOT answer me. Her father would be sitting right there but would not correct her. Naturally that kind of behavior unchecked will blossom into other things and so it did.

Today she is a very ungrateful, unappreciative young woman who is very disrespectful to both of us. When her friends are around, the disrespect seems to increase. It has gotten to the point that it is down right abusive.

Case in point: My husband bought me a new cell phone and I am learning how to use it. Her friends were over so I suggested that I take a picture of them all in front of the Christmas Tree....Well why did I even bother? Because I had difficulty using my new phone as a camera, she made a derogatory comment to her friends how stupid I was because I was "old" and can't figure out modern technology.

My husband took issue with that but neither one of us said anything as her friends were there and she just made herself look bad...but my husband's resentment was simmering.

Keep in mind - we do every thing for her. We took her to Maui, we bought her a car, we buy her her phone and pay her phone bill, give her money when she needs it...but life is always about HER. She never asks about how we might be feeling...NEVER. And when she does engage in conversation it is always about her, her hair, her makeup, her this her that.
At her prom a year and a half ago, I wanted to take pictures of her and her pretty prom gown and she acted completely disrespectful towards me.

Today it was horrendous. She had had her friends over for going on four days in a row! My husband was doing laundry and went into her room and there on her bed was a male friend, laying across her bed. He actually slept in our place without her asking us. My husband was upset from the night before and when he saw that guy in her room he was really steamed and so an argument broke out and there was a physical altercation. Her father didn't hit her but grabbed her around the neck and I was telling him to stop it and she ran into the living room and pulled down the Christmas Tree...It was just awful. (Her Father was never strict but very laid back and was a great daddy. There was no physical violence between her father and I either.) She grew up seeing two parents who loves each other and she knows good and well that we love her.

This has all been a build up of so many things. She has an entitlement mentality. She makes snarky remarks all the time, if you ask her to do anything around the house she either acts put out or that you are pulling teeth. She takes things from my bedroom and doesn't return them so I start to look for them and can't find my stuff.
She goes out and never tells us where she's going and is hard pressed to tell us when she'll be back.
If and when she does come to the table to eat with us, she has her cell phone on her lap and the entire time she is texting while we are all eating. She loves to blame us because she doesn't have a fabulous life where we own a home...We live in an apartment and have a wiener dog she dislikes and a bird she doesn't like.

Her language is terrible. She curses at us and tells us to F-off. She orders us around like we are house servants....AND she is not working so she does NOT contribute in any way to the house.

What is it with these kids and the abusive language? Is this an epidemic? I could never imagine speaking to my own parents flippantly, let alone tell them to F-off.

After this latest thing, her Dad told her to get out. She packed some stuff and left...for how long, I don't know. She has no real way to support herself and she is dyslexic so she has difficulty reading. I had an IEP for her in 4th grade through 12th grade. She is not a heavy academic, but I've always hoped in time that she would be able to improve or at least find a working skill that she likes. She did enroll in community college but now I don't know what will happen.

I do pray for her that in time she will understand that what she is doing is wrong, but I have a feeling that only the school of stressful hard knocks is what will be her best teacher.

Her dislike of me has gone on for so long that I don't feel deeply hurt any longer. At one time I experienced, even up until a few years ago, unbelievable agony asking myself, What am I doing wrong? Finally the answer came to me, I didn't do anything wrong. I did the best I could. Of course I wasn't the perfect Mother but I was a decent Mother. Hence, I grew a thick skin when it came to her. Now I can only pray and hope for the best.

I'll pray for you and your daughter too. I so hope that someday she will wake up. Some day you won't be there any longer...and kids just don't understand that when you're gone, that's it...there are no second chances to say "I'm Sorry" or "Goodbye"

Don't worry, you did the best you could and that's all you can do. And if you messed up here and there along the way -- SHE needs to forgive you. You didn't have to be perfect (not even God expects that from us) but you loved your child and I know how proud you must be of her having graduated college and having a good job. Look at it on the bright side, at least you aren't having to take care of her for the rest of your life! You can cut ties and move on...and I think that is what you should do and it would benefit you immensely.
Put a sign on your door that says, "Mother Doesn't Live Here Anymore" ... and someday, just maybe she will wake up and understand that she is no better than you when she becomes a Mom herself. Don't give up hope, but at the same time, don't hang your hopes on her coming around any time soon - if ever. I would not volunteer to do ANYTHING for her ever again. She doesn't appreciate it. Let someone else hang on her whipping post.

I do hope you let me know if things have improved for you and that you're not so sad...because I was struck by the hurt and sorrow you've expressed... Christmas time will be here in a few days.
Hope you're OK.

Best Wishes to you!

I could have been reading about my daughter. This is sick and wrong. It is almost like they view us as a part of their psyche or something and they assault us emotionally and I wonder if it's the part of themselves that they hate so they dump it onto the easiest target. I finally cut my collegiate brat of over a month ago for her manipulation and emotional abuse. Don't put up with her crap. I am appalled at her treatment of you. I would have smacked my daughter across the face had she spoken to and treated me like that and I would have probably told her to eff off in front of everyone. Have self respect! Don't let her abuse you anymore!

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my daughter destroyed my heart,and learned abusive behavior from a abusive cheating proud and so hurt from the awful abuse mean words took my gradson away have no thoughts of my wellbeing demeans me humiliates me.ive never lower myself for something i never did done i have no guilt and cry daily and have a wonderful mew husband.i gave up and trying to enjoy the true love i deserve,50 yrs old lifes short.we deserve i like it no now i cry alone and try to move on.only a good mom can sorry that we are all going thru this so heartless generation.i lost my mom at 62 my best freind .brain ca. love your partner lust fullfill enjoy. love yourself and demand your new wellbeing to only people who love and except you .the real you.a very sad mom.

I had a same issue with my daughter and she is my only child. Her behavior didn't change since 14 years old. Now she is 22 yrs. old. She doesn't do anything in the house. She talks all the time about herself, never asked me about anything and if we got in the argument hers needs to be the least word. I have been called all kind of names and hat made me really angry. It becomes just unhealthy screaming relationship. She blames me that she is mirror of me when I fight with her father (my ex husband). I start blaming my self for her behavior and I am so helpless. Every mother love her kid and none of us wants to end the relationship with our kids but how to deal with??? How to make a healthier relationship? Why kids today don't have any respect to the parents? I feel soo helpless mother :(

Don't blame yourself. There is an epidemic I see among the young called DISRESPECTING their parents. It's hard to understand, especially at my age. I'm a little older then the rest here, as I had my first and only child when I was 41! So the age gap is even wider for me.
In reading all these stories I realized I am not alone. I am so glad I found this forum to express myself.
I ran down the line reading each post and thought,"Wow...I could have written this, this could be me!"

The worst thing of all is that in my age group, there was no one to go to . Believe it or not, many in my age group decided NOT to have children. Life becomes far more complex once children come. I remember trying to tell my friend who has never had children what it's like to have to deal with this kind of hurtful disrespect and belittling...and she just didn't get it because she never had children.

Don't believe it's your fault. At a certain point, they have to take responsibility for their own lives. I pray that things for you will grow better as time passes on.

Best Wishes!

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I'm sorry to hear that there are so man disrespecting, horrible, unappreciative daughters out there. I couldn't even treat my mother, even 1% of how my daughter treats me. My daughter has two, 2 & 3, which I have been raising and now she's finally coming around trying to be a mother to them. It's so hard because my grand babies area so used to my style of parenting, not yelling and complaining first thing in the morning, it progresses through the day. Now my poor angels watch how she treats me and are being taught how to treat people in general, which its going to create a rough life for them. It breaks my heart to see all that ugliness she has inside her. What's really sad, she always acts like she hasn't done anything wrong and can't figure why I'm stand offish with her. She's so dam lazy and her kids rooms' always a mess now that she's around more. My g. children had at least schedules and some order to their lives. Everything I try to get them involved in something productive, she's too dam lazy allow them to participate in things that are good for them unless of course it's her idea.
You know it's so sad to say, most of the time I can hardly stand her, but whats even worse, 2 babies being taught to treat me like that too.
So when you think it's really bad, there's always another story even worse.
I'm sorry I really can't offer any feedback, just pray all the time for her like I try to when I'm not filled with complete disgust from her recent and common behaviors. She's so full of herself and so inconsiderate of everyone and everything.
Sad, Sad mother

''and can't figure why I'm stand offish with her. '' SO TRUE. These daughters who feel it's there right to have their own personal scapegoat can't understand why their scapegoat isn't around! I do the same thing; avoid. I'll tell my 26y/o when she's rude but she never does apologize or even recognize. There's little alternative but to avoid to maintain dignity. If it wasn't the g kids i'd be the ex. Someone's always around to validate poor behavior. I disliked my mom but knew where the line was. These people have no reguard.

I'm at my wit's end with my 23-year-old daughter. She is already a single mother of two, with 6 and 7-year-old children. That's right, her first pregnancy was at the age of 16. Since then I have solely supported her. I pay her rent because there's no way we could live under the same roof. Just recently I told her that I can no longer afford the $900 per month rent and she'll have to find a cheaper place. You'd think that I just tossed her and my grandchildren into the street! She's also disrespectful, has been for years now. Can't count the number of times she's hung up the phone in my ear, yelling the "F"-bomb every time we talk because I try to make some helpful suggestions. It's truly insane what we as parents are tolerating. But, no more for me! After seven years and $80,000 supporting her I'm done.
She'll be 24-years-old soon, time to grow up and stop thinking that some part-time server's job at a restaurant is going to provide for her family. There's much more to this story but, I'd literally have to publish a book to get it all in. Good luck to all the other parents posting here. I can assure you, it's not your fault.

Wow, sorry to hear about your daughter's actions. My situation is actually reversed, my mother is the aggressor in our relationship. I'm an only child and I have been extremely supportive of my mother. I came to the U.S of A when I was 11 with my father, despite being sexually abused by a cousin, emotionally, verbally abused by my father, I came out strong. I'm in my 20s with a college degree and own my own home. I started working at 14 and sending my mother money in Haiti basically providing for all her needs. When I became a US citizen at 21, I started the process to bring her to the US. While she was in Haiti, I made sure she lived like royalty compared to the deplorable conditions everyone else lived in. I sent her money every month along with large food transfers, so she can share with others. I worked throughout my college years, so i can have enough to provide for her. At 23, she finally arrived in the US, by then I stopped living with a roommate and got my own apartment for me and her. When she got her first job at KFC, I asked her $250 a month for rent, she got MAD and accused me of being a bad daughter, when she was making $800 a month. I drove her everywhere, found English classes and did everything in my power to help her settle in a new country. She tries to impose curfews on me! And complains about just everything. She nags me, disrespects me and accuse me of being rude when I react to her nagging. Fast forward 2 years later she marries a man and we get a bigger apartment, she acts like I don't exist and showers this man with all her attention and pretty much ignores me. She picks fights with me and goes and report me to her husband who believes all stories without questioning. Every time I decide to move out, she promises she will change only to do the same over and over again. When I bought my home in 2013, she talked me into letting her and her husband move in, I agreed thinking she just might change her ways. She got worse! She doesn't think twice about yelling at me, I'm 29! I've asked them to move, they say they will but never do, I'm at my wit's end

My heart goes out to you. If only I'd read these posts BEFORE I had my daughter! Similiar rude remarks, 26, walked away from great job offers out-of-state to make her feel 'stabile' but nothing worked. She still has zero care in the world; all anger. I'm done.

Wow, reading your post made me say to myself "Did I write this?". Sounds so much like what I go through with my college daughter. We can get along fine, but then she can talk to me like I'm a complete idiot and call me names. Just went through this last night, and so I just went in my room as it was bed time, and she will head back to her college which is 1.5 hours away also. I didn't text her...she hasn't texted me. I just don't even want to talk to her. I am divorced from her dad, and I'd be perfectly happy if she just went to live with him during the summer when she's home from school. She does nothing to help out at home either. I'm sooooo sick of it. She's 20 also.

help i in same boat. i just keep enabling so i quit.ten min ago. i even ereased her number from phone...

I'm getting very close to doing the same thing!

Took her name out of Facebook and decided not reaching out to her anymore. When people asked about my daughter, I asked them right away about their family so I don't have to cry and feel sorry for myself. Go on vacation and buy nice things for yourself from now on. Keep yourself in good shape. Lost our daughters but we have health.

Your stories sound as if I wrote them. My daughter is 21 and, right now, I do not want to be around her. I have tried so many times to communicate with her and giving her opportunities to tell me how she feels and why she continues to treat me so poorly but she refuses to talk and will shut down at the slightest hint of her being accountable for behavior. This is not the daughter I thought I was raising..I did not treat her or others that way. I am at my wits end and some days I want to 'whiteout' my name on her birth certificate. (Lol)
My heart is broken and I feel so unworthy as I have based my worth as a person / woman on being a mom.

Wow that's my story except my daughter started at the age of 12 and I thought she would get over it but she almost 18 now and treats me like a piece of sh*t and she knows more in life then me. I can't take it anymore. My older son knows how she is cause she talks to him the same way, he told me to kick her out of my house if she refuses to give us(mom & (dad) respect! But I'm scared if she can make it on her own. Can you help me on what to do? I'm at my wits end. It will get physical i know, she's already slapped me in the passed. Some one please help

If she EVER hits you again, you call the police. Would you allow some lady in the store to slap or hit your without calling the police? Most certainly not. Do NOT allow anyone to treat you that way. Your daughter is out of control and she needs a reality check. She would not get away slapping anyone else without repercussions--teach her a hard lesson now or she might just slap the wrong person with a gun one day. Then what?

If she is 18...give her a timeline to have a job and place of her own. Let her know that she will be asked to leave sooner than that if she yells, calls names or treats any family member with disrespect again. Spell out what disrespect is. If she is anything like my daughter....she will decide she don't like those rules and leave on her own. It took her a bit, but she got on her own 2 feet pretty fast when she was forced to.

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My heart is breaking not just because what I am going through but to find out there are others dealing with this insanity...I was so frustrated today March 09, 2014 that this is what I googled...Is there anyone out there that has a 19 year old daughter who calls their Mom " A f------ Piece of ****! This is after I removed her clothes from the dryer that we share will a family downstairs in the duplex where we live, she had interrupted their laundry and all I did was take hers out there where dry and put them on the kitchen chair because she has both laundry baskets in her room filled with crap, I went to her door told her they were done and she stormed into the kitchen grabbed all the clothes screaming why did you do that I don't want you to touch my things or put them there, then went to the laundry room still screaming at me so the neighbors could hear and removed their clothes that I put back in the dryer, threw them on the washer and put her's in saying the quote above. This is just one incident out of many. Last night she flipped me off in the grocery store in front of people, told me to F OFF and stormed off like a 2 year old. Honestly she was the best 2 year old, never had a tantrum, but when I went back to work when my son was 8 months old and she was 4 because her Dad was not trying to support us and I was not going to be out on the street everything changed. I worked 2 jobs for 11 years to support his lazy *** and my kids only for him to turn her totally and utterly against me. I have been thrown in jail by him (unjustly at that) because I wrote a letter to him in 2005 telling him I would leave if he did not step up and that I would not take the kids but provide support for them. Instead he showed it to my daughter who was going on 10 years old and said to her that I was leaving them with nothing and that everything that happened from then on was my fault after a confrontation with him about our kids being in the neighbors tree at 11:00 pm at night he called the police and used my daughter to say she heard from the other room me slapping him. He has manipulated me and my kids for so long and continues to this day either indirectly or directly. About a year ago she, my son and I where driving home and we were arguing about "Her needs and Her Life being all f'd up because of mainly me and her father, all I said is no one asked you to be here and your brother doesn't want to deal with it either, she jumped from the passenger seat, put both knees in my chest, pinning my arms with her legs and feet and proceeded to choke me, I barely got out my son's name saying she is choking me and at that same moment she pressed so hard against my wind pipe that it stills bothers me to this day. I finally had enough and my 14 year old son and I packed everything up and moved 800 miles away. Then the manipulation started again with suicide threats and previous failed attempts that I was told by her father and her where all my fault only caused me to make the wrong decision again to bring her into my home again. Now my son is so disrespectful as well, he is going through puberty and I am sure he sees how vulnerable, stupid and that I can be manipulated by my own emotions that he does not see the wrong in it. I constantly fight within myself not to just end my life because it does not seem to matter to anyone and I am being forced or letting myself be forced to be a way that I am not. I have no courage, self esteem or the desire to do anything put either leave again, maybe not take my son with me this time or end my life. At this point it is leaning towards the end because I cannot live with abandoning my kids and I don't see them changing at all. I wish I could help myself and all the other parents out there who feel the way I do........Even though I don't know you I send my love and prayers that you have worked through this. Broken Hearted

Dear Sandiwest,

When I read your post, I hurt for you and your daughter. She is in so much pain and you as well. When I read your letter of complaints, now I see why she acts the way she does. I am not here to make you feel bad about yourself. All I need for you to see is that you are playing the victim. Your daughter is the victim. First, I would not put up with her abuse. You do this out of guilt. Your daughter needs confirmation that you did cause part of her painful childhood. Don't scream at me. I feel it already. Here is why I say this. You wrote this:
About a year ago she, my son and I where driving home and we were arguing about "Her needs and Her Life being all f'd up because of mainly me and her father, all I said is no one asked you to be here and your brother doesn't want to deal with it either. I am surprised that, that is all she did. C'mon... really... You told your own daughter that you say you love, that I don't care and your brother does not care? How I (your mom) screwed up you life. WOW! REJECTION, REJECTION, REJECTION!!!!! Do you not have any ownership of your break up with her father?
Okay, I got that off my chest. You need to kick her out of your home and get some control of your emotions. Really ask yourself why???? Why do I let her rule my life, Why do I let her control me? Every time you pick up the phone and speak to her and she starts to yell at you, HANG UP! You do not deserve this abuse and only when she is not upset, you need to have a heart to heart with your daughter and it is vital to tell her that you are sorry for screwing up you her childhood. You chose to marry him and you chose to leave. This is what you wrote to your husband? WOW!! I wrote a letter to him in 2005 telling him I would leave if he did not step up. When you wrote that letter to you husband back then and he showed it to your daughter. That was wrong, that you wrote it in the first place and that he showed it to her at age 9. Obviously, you thought that he took great care of your children, otherwise you would not state in the letter that are going to leave them with him. You have to show responsibility for your actions, too. Did you not leave?, did you not write the letter?, did you not tell your daughter that what she thinks is not important? You have balls! You know you sound like a chauvinistic woman. I see that he hurt you and deeply at that, you did great by getting out and taking care of the family. Seems to me is that you were ashamed of him and your position in the marriage.
THERE IS HOPE!!!!! You are the one she has been beating up for all of that. She has to feel important, but she does not have to live with you or down the street. When you moved, that was another slap in the face to her only because you do not show to her that you have any ownership in this matter. You and her can have a good relationship, but you have to submit to your faults. If you are still saying to yourself, how dare this woman say this, then you are not ready to have a better relationship with your daughter. I care, that is why I wrote this. Baby steps, but the first one is to apologize and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY...


I appreciate your thoughts, but even though I did not write everything that has happened, I have taken sole responsibility and have had countless talks with her about how sorry I am for the way things turned out and my wrongs. I never tried to make her feel that she was at fault in any way. The turning point was the physical and mental abuse by her for over 8 months that she brought onto her brother and myself, the incident in the car was after I had taken her to buy make-up, photography supplies for her as well as taking her to submit applications and I don't really see how my comment justifies her rage to where she tried to choke me. It seems like I can never do right by her and that it only makes her more angry at me if I try to help her or give her what she wants. My son and I were living in fear that she would make good on her threats of suicide and still do to this day. Her father takes no responsibility and only blames me, manipulating her as well as through her to me. He can say and do the most horrible things to her but she always goes back to him after she has completely destroyed our lives, leaving us to pick up the pieces and move again. Speaking of my son (soon to be 16 yrs) has never received a phone call from his father asking him how he is (but my son has always done so, just not lately) or sometimes in the past when my son would try to talk to him he would completely ignore him. I never said I was blameless to myself or my kids and their father has constantly reminded them of this in screaming rages since 2005! My comment was out of anger and frustration which continues to brew every day. My son says he loves her but he is just tired of it always being just about her just like her dad, he feels like it will never be right with them because they don't care how he feels and what affect they have on him, that they only care what happens to them and what everyone (especially me) is supposed to hand them and when you don't do what they want or say what they want they result to rage and abuse. I keep trying, keep providing and I keep getting the same results usually worse than before. I blame myself for allowing the manipulation and for failing at every thing I have tried.....why do you think I feel like her now???

P.S. The letter to my ex stating I would leave the kids with him, was a meaningless threat to him because I knew he did not want the responsibility and that maybe that would make him want to try and fix things. Not that he took great care of them, as my daughter pretty much raised my son from diapers while I worked. Their father spent most of his time on himself. The letter was my last attempt after years and years of talking (11 to be exact) with no results.

I will say something from experience :(=== people do not tell you when they decide to commit suicide. It is a cry for help, not suicide. You are surrounded by toxic people that is ripping you and your impressionable son apart. Whatever you do is up to you, you just need to act now and not be around your daughter. You and her brother is paying the price. I have a question. Why do you allow your ex-husband and daughter to rage on you over the phone? It took me many years to figure this out for myself, too. Luckily, I was only 25 and my entire world changed for the better. Try it. What do you have to lose? What?
By the way, the rage within, is from no one listening or confirming your feelings. All the details are up to you...I am a believer in Christ and He loves you and cares about you! This prayer is for you. If you believe, say it out loud, over and over. You are not alone...

Heavenly Father,

Please help me to dwell on the good and the positive in my life. I know that it is You who examines our hearts. Search the inner depths of my heart and expose anything that is not of You so I can be set free of it.

Lord, where I have directed anger toward others in my life or held anger inside of me, I confess that as sin and ask You to forgive me and take all the anger away. Heal any wounds that I have inflicted, through my words and actions, in others and myself. Help me to speak sweet words and healing, for I know that pleases You. Where I have shown anger toward others I confess it to you as sin. Bring Your restoration to every situation where it is needed.

Thank You, Lord, that You will redeem my soul in peace from the battle that is against me. I believe that You, the God of peace will crush the enemy under my feet. Help me to live righteously because I know there is a connection between obedience to Your ways and peace. Help me to depart from thoughts of anger and bouts with depression; help me to seek peace and actively pursue it. Thank You that You will take away all anger in me and keep me in perfect peace, because my mind is fixed on You Father. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen

It sounds like you are really struggling through all this and I can see why. I have had issues with a very troublesome daughter too. I found great help, clarity by going to a counselor. You can't control what other people do or say. You can only change how you react to them and the problems in your life. I understand this now. You can't let others actions control your emotions or how you react. Only you can control get some help from a professional counselor. They can really help you sort out the fog in your head, which is caused by depression by the way--as well as stress.

Don't wait......your words tell me you are thinking way too much about suicide. There is help and there are wonderful, caring people to help you regain your self esteem and create the life you desire. God bless and best of luck to you.

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Cut her off!!! Its just going to get worse if you don't. Trust me I've been there and 10 years later I still have to have the threat out there that I'll turn my back if he disrespects me. Kids like that don't change. She's a sociopath. Look it up and you'll find her there.

I agree. Mine is 25 and has not changed.

Mine is 28. She's living at home. Can't move out. Has to many student loans. She does work and feels she doesn't have to do anything at home at all. It's very rare if she does anything. She's sloppy and lately has gotten so disrespectful. I just can't take it anymore. It upsets me so much I start to cry. My husband barely does anything. I'm tired of being blamed for everything. I'm at my wits end. It's very sad that I'm happier when she is not home. I don't want it to be that way. I really want to kick her out. I need my sanity. I feel like nobody cares.

I am going through this with my son. He has shoved me down and I put him in jail but he still disrespects me. He is 17 years old. In Alabama u are considers an adult at 18. I thought about kicking him out when he gettable 18 if he don't change. I have told him that and he still acts like he don't care. I love him but I can't take it anymore. What should I do? We are going to mental health already but it don't seem to be helping. He seems like he is getting worse.