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Children Go Through Stages

I divorced my two oldest boy's father when they were 6 and 8. I think we all could have gotten through it pretty well, except for their father's vindictiveness. He also remarried immediately to a very insecure woman who felt threatened by me. She had a lot to do with fueling the flames. She told the boys outrageous lies about me and did everything she could to turn my children against me.
We had some very rough patches and my oldest son acted out negatively, but we made it through. The boys are now 22 and 24, the oldest is married.

I never told lies about their father and tried to hide most of the hurt and pain his lies were causing me. When the boys were about 14 and 16, my oldest said to me that he knew I didn't lie to them and had always tried to do right by them. When I asked what made him say that, he said because I never spoke ill of their father and his father and stepmother were always speaking ill of me, that is how he knew.

So hold your head up and love your children, because that is all you can do.
WittyOne WittyOne 46-50, F 12 Responses May 24, 2007

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Haaaa what a bicth i wouldve knockdd that ho out cold but if need some love hit me sometime we can talk

I enjoyed reading your post, and I've witnessed this myself - literally, as a child. <br />
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You serve a nice reminder, to those parents who are struggling with the same dilemma. Hold true to your values, time reveals truth. <br />
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If you bring up children understanding moral guidelines, children will digest the facts by the moral compass shown to them, and will come to the realization of which parent falls short. Children and teens are more intelligent than many adults are aware of, in many cases a child is more mature than the adults that surround him/her. Children, eventually come to the truth, as a child or as an adult upon reflection, those adults who think they fool children are only fooling themselves.

I too can sympathize with your experience... My ex husband is a vindictive manipulator as well. He sees my son every other weekend, and every time he comes back with stories of how "daddy says you don't love me as much as he does because you didnt stay married to him so i could have my daddy."' and he also has his new girlfriend playing mommy, and driving around in my car (we bought together)... Bear in mind, this man just turned 40, his new girlfriend is 19, and I am 26... At lease the age difference didnt seem AS bad when he was with me... It just makes me sick sometimes... Than you for your post- It gives me hope that one day my son will see through the mess his father is portraying....

The high road is always best road to take--That's what I've done and am doing---watch what is said because once words come across your lips you can't take them back.

Good for you. At least you are the only mature one compared to other adults. Just be proud of yourself for taking the better approach. Your relationship with your kids will be all the better for it. I admire you for watching out for your childrens' emotional health.

my parents did the same thing--talk bad about each other to us kids and it led to just a horrible family situation with alienation and holidays apart. glad you are taking the high road. your husb has no idea how much he's jeopardizing his relationship with the kids. when they get older, they will remember this.

Thanks for sharing

What a great lesson you gave me by this story. Thanks for that post.

You're a great mom. Your child have learned the fact from your behavior.<br />
I believe that "Facts speak louder than words."

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Thank You personality - of course our first instinct is to defend ourselves and tell the truth(at least as we percieve it) and at times it wasn't easy remaining silent, but I'm glad it paid off.

I figure the kids can see the true side themselves and don't need me to tell them. Sometimes we dig our own grave. You did good mom!