So It Has Begun

Well, the time for testing me has begun. My oldest child is a 14 year-old girl. She is an intelligent, honor-roll student, beautiful, book-worm, vegetarian, creative, earth-conscious wonder!!

She has always had a big circle or clique of friends, but never shown much interest in boys. I know pretty much all the boys that live around here and which ones my kids are to avoid. About 2 weeks ago she finally shared with me that she has her first boyfriend. I told her I was so happy and excited that she felt comfortable enough with me to share this!  However it is a boy I do not know, and hasn't lived here very long. I was looking forward to moving slowly and meeting this boy and finding positive ways for them to spend time together supervised......she spent the night with a girlfriend last Saturday that she has never stayed with before. I had bad feelings about this girl in my gut from the get-go. So I went in their house and introduced myself and made sure it was ok for her to stay, etc......

She came home the next day with nothing signifigant to report from her sleepover. After 9m that night, this girl's mother called me to fill me in on the previous night. Apparently the girls' were allowed to go walking around( this is a very small town) and perhaps stop by another girlfriends house and visit, but to be back before dark. ( approximately 1 hour) They came back 3 hours later. The girl told her mother that they went to my daugher's boyfriend's house and then him and another boy joined them on their "walk" and went to the local park and hung out. When I confronted my daughter after this horrifying phone call she denied and lied about her decisions and whereabouts that night. Her father lost his mind and FORBID her to see this boy again, and that if she did he would kill him. i said we cant be like that, but that she should not be allowed to see him for now, until we meet him and his family and till we feel she has been punished for her dishonesty. My husband goes to the school first thing Monday and tells them he wants them to forbid them from seeing each other at school too. As if!! After the principal spoke to them both....they both said they were not breaking up, or gonna stop seeing each other. I called the boys father and he scares me! An ex-biker druggie himself, the boys mother abandoned him, and he openly admitted my daughter is his 2nd girlfriend and he has been caught drinking already at the age of 15.......

My daughter has been so upset by this she went to the counselor and admitted she was having suicidal thoughts. This was cause enough for the counselor to call me. So now we are meeting with an outside counselor at the school, and then at their office later. This was an absolute and utter shock to me as a mother. As it all seems to have happened all at once and without warning. I suspect I have just been blind to the signs........ahhhhhhhh yes the teenage drama nightmares have only begun for me. Please pray my tiny shred of sanity holds up for the next 5 years!!!!

craZnaomi craZnaomi
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 14, 2009

Hello,<br />
I read your story and I have a question. When did you and your husband talk about relationships, in particular, boys? Did your husband give your daughter tips on how a young man should treat her? When we fail to plan we plan to fail. I believe your daughter is a very beautiful person but her 1st encounter with a guy that showed her affection is what has captured her heart. When parents forbid or try to excerise their "power" the child instantly sees the situation as I am going to win and your going to lose. So how do you keep your home in peace and preserve the family relationships. You and your husband need a strategy, so below I have listed a few. I know it will seem crazy but it works. Let me know how it goes.<br />
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Tip 1.<br />
1). Apologize for not being sensitve to the fact that your daughter and this young man have true feelings for one another.<br />
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2). Ask her what charater strengths and weaknesses she see in this young man.<br />
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3). Ask her how she feels when they are together.<br />
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4). Invite him and his dad over for dinner.<br />
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5). Look, listen and learn from the questions and encounters so you and your husband can see your daughter in a NEW LIGHT. She has evloved right under your nose and sometimes parents miss the shifts of maturity in thier kids.<br />
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You and your husband have raised a wonderful daughter and will continue to do but you need a plan and have the right attitude. <br />
<br />
Attitude Coach Dana<br />
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ps. I will keep you an your family in my prayers but you need to put action on your prayers.

Wow. That's a lot to handle all at once... hope communication clears up and that both of you are able to see each other's love. Craziness! I pray you have the strength to survive it all. :)