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Very Difficult

Hi, I am a single mother to a beautiful one year old daughter. I needed strength and support from others going through the same trials I'm passin through and having gone through some stories, I felt the need to talk about mine. The past one year has been extremely difficult for me considering the fact that I got pregnant out of wedlock, my parents were mad at me, I was told that I had to go back for my graduate education, and worst of all, I couldn't marry the father of my child. I have just completed the first year at a business school and currently on internship ( Started school when my daughter was only 5weeks old). My daughter's father is extremely supportive and loves us both, but we are having problems because of my parents and his own stubborness. I am from Nigeria, and our culture dictates that unless the parents officially give out their daughter in marriage, her allegiance should still be towards them. I have been living with my daughter's father a couple of months before I put to bed, but as at yeaterday, my dad ordered me to sever all ties with him or risk the consequences of been cast out of the family. He said I was the only one giving him problems, I'm a disappointment, I have brought shame upon myself and what have you. My dilemma now is that they seem to think I'm a no good for nothing person, and I don't want my daughter growing up with all these negative energy. Also, I want her around her father as I feel it will be unfair to her to deprive her of her father's love
pitami pitami 26-30, F 3 Responses Aug 3, 2010

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You are blessed with the love and support of the father of your child. You are also evidently a strong woman. While it is not easy to dismiss your parents, you are now a parent yourself, and you understand where your priority lies. Gathering the courage to "defy" your father is very difficult, but you have what it takes, because you are a strong mother. Plus you have a partner who supports you. In time, your father will either come around and respect you for your decision, or he will have to live with the self-inflicted loss of what could have been a mutually enriching father-daughter relationship. You are responsible for your daughter's well-being, not your father's; he is responsible for his own. A few decades down the road, when your father is gone, you could either have a damaged daughter and an unfulfilled life, or be proud that you allowed your daughter and yourself to achieve your life potential. I wish you all the best in summoning up that courage, because the right decision is already in your mind.

Even though we are all raised to respect and honor our parents there is a time when they should do the same for us in return. I do not think it is right for your parents/father to give you an ultimatum. You are a parent now and the only decision you should be making is the one that is best for your daughter.

I did what my parents wanted me to do and it has brought me very little happiness. You have happiness with the father of your child..he is loving and willing to stand by you. Live YOUR life. Your parents had their turn now, it's yours.

You're right, you don't need to bring up your child in this negative environment.

Always remember, it is YOUR life and whatever your choice, YOU have to live it. Even if you choose to stay by your parents, they are not going to be living your life or having to answer to your daughter why her father is not around.

Wish you all the best with your decision. You are already a strong woman...in school after 5 weeks???? AMAZING! Keep it up.