Them Crazy Kids

I once served my kids toasted hot dog rolls for breakfast when I was too tired to make pancakes. This was shortly after my brother and I had a conversation about white trash at Wal-Mart, which our upper-bourgeoisie mentality deemed appropriate to spectate and judge. Later on that same morning, after the damning breakfast and several disciplinarian challenges, I slipped out the back door of my house to secretively smoke a cigarette. It was winter and the cold was chastising as I cupped my hands around the lighter. After I exhaled a few times, I realized that I was in full view of my neighbors' living room window. What would they think seeing me there smoking? Did I look like I should figuratively be wearing a house coat and curlers? Who was I really?

Rewind to the start of the day...

At 6 a.m. I was roused from a deep sleep by a voice calling, "Mom, Mom, MOMMM...." I turned over and opened my eyes to find a couple of heads inches away from mine. "We're hungry," the heads said.

It was a Monday, which usually meant school, but unfortunately for me, we were just starting the winter break. Now as a kid, I remember relishing school breaks as a time in which one could sleep in, but that was not the case with my offspring. At this time of the morning in the depth of coldness, it was still dark out.

An examination of the kitchen cupboards yielded oatmeal, raisins and various boxes of cold cereal, none of which my kids seemed to want.

"What do you guys want?" I barked, shielding my eyes from the glaring overhead light.

"Hot dogs!" they chimed.

After a lengthy search through the refrigerator, I delivered the bad news that we were, indeed out of hot dogs, but who really wants hot dogs at 6 a.m. in the morning in the dead of winter? My kids, that's who.

The next few minutes were spent enduring whining and fielding requests for various foods that we either did not have, or were completely inappropriate for breakfast (I know, I know, one might argue that hot dogs are not appropriate for breakfast), but still I had to draw the line at M&Ms.

Turning on the garbage disposal, I was taken aback by a horrible grinding noise. Stopping the system, I gingerly reached down the hole and instantly felt something grainy and gooey. Closer examination resulted in the following findings: apparently someone had rinsed Elmer's glue and novelty craft "googly eyes" down the sink.

"Who did this?" I asked, my patience as raw as my blood-shot eyes.

But nobody answered. They were too busy carrying on an argument in the other room over the remote. As I entered the room, I was met by crying, screaming and kicking. After physically breaking them up, I realized that I had to go to the bathroom.

I was just able to close the door and sit down when there was a small, persistent knock at the door.

"What???" I yelled.

"Mom? Mom? Are you in there?"


"What are you doing?"

After a hasty flush I exited the bathroom, only to find several blankets and pillows strewn across the floor, mixed with various stuffed animals and cut-up pieces of construction paper.

"What is going on?" I half asked, half lamented.

"We're having a party," they responded. "For the dog."

After several other incidents and the subsequent realization that we were out of coffee, I finally got to make them breakfast, which was the token "WT" entree of toasted hot dog buns with broken pieces of ice-cold butter scraped across the surface. It was then that I slipped outside to have my secret yet obligatory cigarette. Standing outside in the swirling snow and sobering cold, I had my epiphany. Who was I really to judge anyone? Day by day, minute by minute, it was a matter of survival.

Upon re-entering the house I was greeted by a small note that was left on the counter.

"Mom. Thak you fer beig a good Mom. I am hapy yur my Mom. I luv you."

A small, misty feeling in the back of my eyes and nose, followed by the realization that I just have to quit of these days.
lottalatte lottalatte
36-40, F
15 Responses Oct 15, 2012

You should honestly write more about things!

loved the story... excellent writing style. good on ya!

That was a great story! With four kids of my own, you KNOW I relate. I feel your pain! Now I need a lottalatte just to get through life lol

Loved the story and the writing. If it makes you feel any better, my "World Famous Breakfast" that I've served to nieces, nephews, stepdaughters, and now grandsons is cold pizza. But hey, they don't complain, and no one has ever died from it.

Thanks for your comments!

That was a good post, it held my interest far more than the writings l have paid out good money for! and hey you are a great mom! well done.

<p>aww it sounds like a cute family.. to be honest i was laughing the whole time reading that. i was a problem child,a dare devil and curious about everything.. my mother had to hold herself from killing me haha i hear her tell my stories to people.. they all freak out and i find them so funny.. but as i got older.. i became very good.. <br />
so everything will be fine as long as you have patience and never give up.. just like mother did..</p>

Life can be great, once we gain the perspective that the world belongs to the future, and we are only sent before to prepare the world and Life for them. Nice line "Who are we to judge anyone ?".. all we are doing is to protect them until they come to terms with the world and only have to let them go..

Not to worry about smoking. Its a great companion and a necessary evil for today's life. Don't grasp the taboo n media stigma attached to it.

Bad mommy moment #398... I sent my daughter off to school after she told me she did not feel good. I thought she just wanted to stay home so she could watch TV.
The school nurse called me three hours later telling me to come pick her up ASAP and that she was unable to keep anything down :-(


I enjoy your writing style a lot! Very real, reflective and humorous!

Thank you very much! I appreciate the fact that you spelled "a lot" correctly! :)

Well spoken. :)

Every cigarette takes 11 min. of ur life

That was a story to all moms everywhere. Mom's are so awesome. Sweet thanks for sharing!!!

Wow! You are indeed super mom. While little children are monsters in the morning they never fail to amaze from time to time. You did this all without coffee to boot!!

Thanks, but I referred to the "hot dog bun breakfast" as Bad Mom Moment #326 and my daughter accidentally went to school in pajama bottoms today prompting a phone call from the main office (Bad Mom Moment #556).

Pah at "bad mom". They didn't go hungry and you didn't lose your sanity in the process(not all of it anyways). Pajama bottoms? Well no one is perfect.

Yet another testimony as to why Moms have the most important jobs there is. Kudos to you, Lottalatte.

:) Thanks so much!

No problem.

You are a stellar, educated woman writer and I love it...

OMG, thanks! :)